We spent the first full morning at Ruby Beach. Actually, we were there a lot longer than expected. Originally the plan was to hit the beaches in the morning and head back to camp for lunch, then hit the Rainforest trails after. Well, we spent the whole morning at Ruby and everyone was starving by the time we hiked back up the cliff. We decided we had enough snack foods in the van and headed to the next beach to check it out. Beach #4 had no view. Just a trail down to the beach. So we hit the road again figuring we would check out the Kalaloch campground and picnic there. We were completely unprepared for what we found. There are many woodsy style spaces near the highway but then you drive out on the cliff's edge and every space has a gorgeous beach view. You would literally never have to leave your campsite to enjoy every tide phase of the ocean. The most astonishing part, was there were tons of spaces open with this glorious beach view and every one was calling my name. We stopped to look at how paying for the space worked at this park. It is first come first served. No reservations. Mark was told to just grab something, leave a chair or anything on the table and pay for the space. It fills up quickly as you might imagine. Well, it was past noon by then and we found a day picnic space and sat down to eat and enjoy the view while discussing what to do.
Of course, I could have packed up and moved right then but we had just gotten to the other camp the night before and hadn't even paid yet. Nor had we hiked at all. It was a 30 minute one way drive back to pack up and we had nothing to leave to save a space so we decided to go with the original plan. We would plan to head back to camp, settle up with the store, hike that evening and hit Kalaloch at check in exactly on time so we would have the best chance of a good spot. Of course, you could not reserve for the next day in advance. For whatever reason, it was a painfully hard choice for me because this place was "hot" and I knew we were supposed to be here. We ate lunch there, then headed back to the camp. I went into the store to let them know we planned to head out the next morning. That was no big deal to them. Of course we weren't sure when we were at Kalaloch if we might have to pay the third night because of the reservations. Had I known they were so lax about payment, we probably would have just moved that night.
We headed off to the Hoh trails later that afternoon. OF course the kids really just wanted to swim in the river by that point and it really wasn't that hot yet. I reminded them that they swim in the creek everyday and it isn't everyday they can come hike here. That didn't appease them much. We drove through the Hoh campground which is officially part of the Olympic National Park and it has some very nice spots too. Nothing like Kalaloch to me though. You could camp here right next to the Hoh River which would be cool. Driving through we also found the Hoh has a public corral and a horse trail so you could bring your horse and ride forever here. That sounded really awesome but I couldn't imagine Bud appreciating the long ride in the trailer to get there. Anyway, we walked the trail we had never completed previously and I don't know if it was just that we had already hiked so much already or what the deal was but it lacked the appeal it once had. It just didn't appeal to anyone this time. The Hoh River wasn't as green as it was when we were there before and the massive flooding has done a lot of damage to this area. I hiked and wondered why we weren't at the beach. This place was "cold." Samuel was not there. Neither physically nor in spirit. I never put my finger on why exactly until I posted the first Ruby pictures and what I wrote back at that time. It was Samuel who loved the Rainforest most. I loved the beach most. This trip was "for me" and the place I was supposed to be was the beach, not the Rainforest. It was the strangest feeling at the time. I don't think anyone cares if we ever return to the Hoh. That is not to say that the trails aren't fun because they are. We completed the trail we wanted to finish easily, like there was nothing to it. My heart just wasn't in it. Mark agreed that it was just kind of blah. You will note I didn't even take many pictures here. Mostly because the ones I took in 2005 were so much prettier.
We ate dinner at camp and spent the rest of the evening packing up and sitting around the fire. We were all quite tired after having put on many miles that day. We planned to hook up and head to Ruby in the morning to kill time until check in at Kalaloch. We were praying that the spot we liked best was still there. I figured that since we were supposed to be there, something would be waiting for us.
We hit the sack well before 9pm and that is when I started having nightmares. Apparently the devil gave ruining my trip one last try. The nightmare had every possible poke in it too. I dreamed I was home and received a call from Samuel's Onc who said that "Isaiah needs some surgery to remove body part A and B and his cancer is out of control." I was livid. I said, "Look here. His name is Samuel, not Isaiah. Do you think that after all these years, you might figure out our names?" That was poke #1. The fact that your child, the one you would give your own life to save, his name wasn't even remembered properly even when he was still alive. Your child who means everything to you is worthless to someone else. Poke #2 was surgery to remove something else. To that I said, "Are you kidding? No way!!" Poke #3, well of course his cancer is out of control! Wasn't it always in their minds? Poke #4 isn't as obvious to you though. Samuel wasn't with me. He was inpatient and somehow I was home. That never would have happened. And of course, in the dream, I never saw him at all. Poke #5 was that I had to call back to ask if I could just bring Samuel home to die. I had to ask. Poke #6 was that he was going to die again. The only thing worse than Samuel dying would be Samuel having to die twice. I don't know how I would do that again. I woke up and reminded the devil it is only appointed to man ONCE to die. That is it. And as if that wasn't enough, the next nightmare was that Anna was sick and dying. That one wasn't as clear as the first except that I realized how much I hate sickness and death. I do not want to go through it again with any child. Do you know, I haven't had dreams this awful in many months and none have had this amount of pokes in them. I didn't tell Mark about it either because I didn't want to give the nightmare "life" at that time. I mentioned that I had a bad dream but never gave details.
It was finally time to get up and I wasn't impressed. However, I recognized that for what it was. The devil just wanted to shake me up into a crying mess so I could not even enjoy what was to come. A year ago, this would have worked. Three months ago, this would have worked. But it didn't work on that day. I shook that off like a wet dirty blanket trying to suffocate me back into that grief cycle. No, I was having no part of that game. Looking back, I thank God for the healing He has put into my spirit because I know this not shaking me up isn't a result of what I have done, but what He has done in me.
For the record, with great blessings comes great anger about it from the devil. That was his second attempt to thwart God's plans for our trip and it didn't work. Perhaps if the devil hadn't tipped his hand to me by trying to blow us up before we even left, I wouldn't have been expecting him to try something else. I just knew by the nightmares, that something great was coming. I wasn't disappointed.
As we are all sitting around the beach fire, we hear this whooping and hollering from the oceanfront and Butch tells us that Mark got one. Of course I go running with the camera to capture the moment.
Anna was right behind me. The fish is a perch.
Well, let's eat it!
Time to get warm.
Someone chased the birds...
Fishing at dusk.
