For the entire time we lived in CA, I attended somebody's church. Either a friend's, Delma's, and if these options were not available, I'd ride my bike to the closest one to my house and go alone or with my brother. I was baptized in 1984, at 11 years old, in the church I used to ride my bike to. It was fully my desire to be baptized and I remember proclaiming my love for Jesus but in retrospect, I really had no clue about Jesus or the significance of what I'd just done. Church was just a fun place I went to to get out of my house. Jesus was the man I prayed to when I needed a favor.
When we moved to WA, opportunities to go to church ended. I had no friends, no other family, and no church I could ride my bike to. Church was never a priority for my atheist father and he'd get so mad at my mom for going that she just quit years before we moved. The first two years we lived here were horribly lonely and I used to cry and pray every night that I could move back to CA and live with Delma. Obviously that prayer was never answered and as the days turned into years of Jesus never answering that prayer and the many others I'd pray, I figured He must have stayed in CA along with every other good thing in my life. Jesus drifted into the background at that point. It's an alarmingly easy thing to have happen when you have no real relationship with Him and no role models to guide you back to Him in times of great sorrow or questioning. I didn't recognize what was happening at the time, but Mac did. He was obviously very alarmed by what he saw but there wasn't much he could do about it. We visited them about one week a year and him badgering me about where I might end up with I died only served to piss me off. In my mind, I got "saved," I was baptized, I made a proclamation of faith in Jesus, what more did he (or He) want?
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Mac was widely known as a man of integrity. He was gentle, humble, trustworthy and extremely likable. He treated Delma like a queen. He was one of those men who was obviously a Christian. Jesus oozed out of him as Jesus oozed out of Delma. People could not help but be drawn to them. In his younger years, he became an auto mechanic and was eventually promoted to management. He has such a good reputation that he was asked to do many newspaper and TV commercials for various products as well.
While Delma was raised in a Christian home, Mac was not. He was wild and crazy as a boy and I believe that Mark and he would have gotten along really well as teenagers. He liked racing cars and horses, he smoked, drank, partied and God only knows what else. In the early 1930's, Delma caught his eye (they went to school together) but he wasn't quite ready to settle down and submit to Jesus. He wanted to "have a good time." Delma enjoyed having a good time too, but only as a good Christian girl should. She had boundaries. I have her diary from the time period when they were dating (several years) and it's a never ending cycle of fight and make up, fight and make up. And Delma had no problems dating others when Mac displeased her or vice-versa. They each played the field, so to speak, but always ended up back together. When Delma's parents suspected that things might become more serious between them, her father told her flat out to not to even consider marrying him until he became a Christian. I don't know the timeline nor his exact moment of realizing his need for Jesus but it happened, and it was genuine, not faked. The evidence speaks for itself. They were the love of each other's lives and it was obvious to everyone. They were married well over 50 years. Every day I try to model my marriage after theirs. It was the kind of relationship we all dream of - yet few are blessed enough to actually receive it. It's rare, especially in this day and age.
Mac's given name is Roland and in Delma's diary, she calls him "Rolly." He was very chubby as a baby and his older siblings called him Rolly Polly. The nickname stuck well into adulthood. It's strange to read about "Rolly." It like he's not even the same person as Mac.
Nobody ever called him Rolly that I heard. He was always Mac. The name change reminds me a little of Jacob/Israel. Jacob, being the trickster running from God while Israel was the blessed, strengthened and even now exists only because of God. Rolly submitted his life to God and at some point, the old man passed away and the new man, Mac, appeared. I only knew the new man.
Mac battled colon cancer in the late 1970's. I don't remember much of it other than visiting him at the hospital once and seeing him under a yellow blanket. I was pretty little. My Mom says he almost died even after his colon was removed. (He and Samuel have that in common) Cancer recurred in the early 1990's, spreading to his lymph nodes then, and that ended his life.
When a person is dying, we who remain always tend to think, "This is the last time I'll see you on Earth." We say that assuming they will go to Heaven, and we will too of course. So, it's not "good-bye" so much as "see you later." (remember 90% of us think we are going to Heaven) In Mac's case, his Heavenly destination was certain, but I wonder if on the last day I saw him alive, (I was 20 years old) his sorrow as we parted was in wondering if he'd see me in Heaven. Would that day be the last day he ever saw me again? Was that the last hug? The last kiss? I'm sure Mac died knowing I was lost to the world. (and I was) And there still wasn't anything he could do about it.
I have very few things that were Mac's. Delma got rid of a lot of his things after he died. As I was preparing this entry, I remembered I had this treasure below. It's been in my possession for about 4-5 years but it's never meant as much to me as it does today.
I wept as I read it last night. The last time I looked at this, Samuel was still here, and it was just words on a page. Much like most of the Bible was just words on a page to me then. Jesus was still the man I prayed to when I needed a favor. Not much had changed from age 13 to age 35. When my world was uprooted at age 13, I assumed Jesus stayed in CA. When my life was shattered at age 35, I was nearly certain that He just didn't exist. Note, I said nearly. If He didn't exist than there was no Heaven (somebody explain that to my Dad) and if there was no Heaven, Samuel was gone forever. If Samuel was gone forever, then my parting words to him were lies and in fact, everything good that happened while he lived that I told myself was from God was then co-incidence. After I played that scenario out in my head, I knew it was a lie of the devil. I had been deceived. Deceived for 35 years in fact.
There is a letter attached to my baptism certificate. I found it last night as I was looking for my Mac treasure above.
Read it and weep. "Now I remind you in the words of Jesus, "If you continue in my Word, then you are my disciples indeed."" John 8:31
What more did Jesus want from me? He wanted me to follow Him, to continue to learn His ways and obey them. Why did He say this? Because it's not enough to simply make a proclamation of faith, get baptized and then go about living life as you wish. You are deceived if you do. Jesus warned us countless times to NOT be deceived. Do you know how to NOT be deceived? It's so simple even a child can understand it, if only we'll take the time to teach them - read the Bible. Study His words. "Continue in His Word." You cannot have a relationship with someone you do not know. The Bible is our main method of knowing Him. How few actually read it? Most of the (apostate) Christian churches today are thriving because their members have never read their Bibles. If they did they'd know they have been deceived and are serving "another Jesus."
When I picked up the Bible and determined to find Him FOR MYSELF once and for all, I realized that I had been lost for 35 years and finally, finally, I was saved. Truly saved. And I value that salvation and God's grace and patience with me more and more each day. God is an all consuming fire (Hebrews 12:29) and that fire is transforming every part of my life. I guarantee you that Mac would no longer ask me that ridiculous question anymore. He'd see the evidence of Jesus in me and He'd know there was no more need to ask. If he read the words I write today, he'd see his own written words in them as I see mine in his. That's only accomplished by the Holy Spirit's influence. And that's why I wept when I read his writing. Finally, we have much in common. We both see the benefit of looking back over our lives and listing out our God-given gifts. And if I were to list mine, they'd look really similar to his. I love that his #1 gift listed is Delma. "A Christian Wife." (Proverbs 18:22 Proverbs 31:10-31) #2, to understand the Bible. It's no longer just words on a page for me either. It's life from the dead. There is no other book I want to spend quality time with. I wish Mac was still here to share reading and learning from it with. To understand the Bible is a gift from God only given to His children. #3 and #4 go without saying. #5, "a church where we meet the Holy Spirit." The Bible is a closed book without the benefit of the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. Part of not being deceived is having spiritual discernment that comes from the Holy Spirit. It is He, in us, that transforms us from dead to alive. From Rolly to Mac. Without the Holy Spirit, you are lost. #6, "Glad I found God years ago." I'm going to take a stab at what he might have meant here, "Finding God early saved me from a lot of misery and a life filled with emptiness." I always tell Mark that I wish we had met 5 years earlier because that would have saved me much misery. And I think of God in the same light. If I'd continued in His Word even after we moved to WA, that would have spared me a lot of misery. Probably saved Mac a lot of heartache and worry too. But things happened as God planned them out and I have a whole lot more appreciation for the gift of Salvation now than I did as a child. I certainly have come to a point of realization that I DO NOT DESERVE HIM. My good works are filthy rags. Isaiah 64:6 My heart is corrupt. Jeremiah 17:9 It is only through faith in Jesus's blood shed for my sins that I am in right standing with God. I am a sinner saved by faith not by works. 1 Timothy 1:15 Period.
Look at the scriptures Mac wrote on the top of his notes. His sermon, I will revive.
Deuteronomy 8:3
So He humbled you, allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna which you did not know nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the LORD.
The Israelites wandered in the wilderness for 40 years. God ordered this in order to humble them, to show them they needed His Words to nourish them much more than anything carnal or worldly. It took me 35 years to be humbled, and see my need for His Words above all else. I guess I did a little better?
Deuteronomy 6:16
“You shall not tempt the LORD your God as you tempted Him in Massah.
Do you know what happened at Massah? The Israelites were whining again (weren't they always) because they didn't have anything to drink, asking, "Is God with us? Or not?" If He didn't do exactly what they wanted exactly when they wanted Him to, they were ready to abandon the faith. (Sound familiar?)
Deuteronomy 10:20-21
You shall fear the LORD your God; you shall serve Him, and to Him you shall hold fast, and take oaths in His name. He is your praise, and He is your God, who has done for you these great and awesome things which your eyes have seen.
My eyes have seen much, even in the wilderness, I cannot deny God did many awesome things for me. Even in those moments of doubt, His existence could not be denied for more than a few moments. And yet for 35 years I pushed Him to the background of my life when I did not like the life he laid in front of me. As a teen, I honestly didn't know better and once we moved to WA, I had no one to guide me on a regular basis. I will NOT allow this to happen to my children. While I know that I cannot made their personal decision to serve Christ for them, I can show them the correct path by which to follow Him so they'll not be deceived.
