Release

2 Timothy 3:1-5 - But you must realise that in the last days the times will be full of danger. Men will become utterly self-centred, greedy for money, full of big words. They will be proud and contemptuous, without any regard for what their parents taught them. They will be utterly lacking in gratitude, purity and normal human affections. They will be men of unscrupulous speech and have no control of themselves. They will be passionate and unprincipled, treacherous, self-willed and conceited, loving all the time what gives them pleasure instead of loving God. They will maintain a facade of "religion", but their conduct will deny its validity. You must keep clear of people like this.

2 Timothy 4:3-5 - For the time is coming when men will not tolerate wholesome sound Bible teaching. They will want something to tickle their own fancies, and they will collect teachers who will pander to their own desires. They will no longer listen to the truth, but will wander off after man-made fictions. For yourself, stand fast in all that you are doing, meeting whatever suffering this may involve. Go on steadily preaching the Gospel and carry out to the full the commission that God gave you.


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The weight of the sin of this world is incredibly overwhelming on my heart.  The barrage of false teachers, wolves in sheep's clothing and lukewarm Christians polluting God's Holy Word, deceiving the lost, and leading baby Christians astray is revolting.  Many Christians are Biblically illiterate and either do not know it or do not care anymore as they've exchanged God's will for their lives for a lie.  Many, who claim to be His Children, no longer recognize His will for their lives at all.  That's frightening!

God's will for our lives has always been in the eternal, not in the temporal.  He wants ALL to be saved, filled with His Spirit, and set apart from the lost and dying world.  He gives us Himself fully alive, that we can know Him and be about His business here: reaching the lost.  We are told to obey His commandments, teach our children to do the same, and humbly serve our fellow man. Remain faithful in all things He lays in front of us.  Live a simple quiet life. Hang on to worldly things loosely and grasp Him tightly. Trust Him, that He is always good, even when we don't understand and He will illuminate our path and keep us upright.   We are to examine ourselves daily to be certain that we remain faithful and true to all of the above.  If we are so blessed, He will use our witness to draw the lost to Him.  What greater honor could there by than that?

Yet, we easily get lost in the world's ways and complicate our lives with sin. Then we begin to mistake His will to save the lost, for the world's insatiable desires to satisfy itself apart from God.   When we come to our senses again, and recognize the mess our lives have become, we begin to ask Him to impart His will in regard to our situation.  When we get no clear answers, we are confused and afraid.  These emotions lead us to demand He give us His map of our lives NOW while we fail to see that it is our own sin that hinders our desperate prayers for help. We do not recognize that we have strayed away from Him and are NOT living out His will in any way, shape or form.

In Jesus's 7 letters to the churches in Revelation, several of them instruct the churches to repent of their sins and get back to their first love: Jesus.  He tells them to forsake the things of the world which have led them astray, caused their myriad of problems, and rendered them useless to reach the lost world.  When we find our lives in turmoil because of our own sins, we need to consider this instruction and lay everything aside that takes our attention away from Jesus and His Word.  We must crucify our flesh and we will suffer material loss on this Earth if we desire Him to be near to us here.  The Bible is quite clear about this so we need to get His priorities straight before boldly coming to the throne demanding He calm the storms WE created. 

Lost souls are not coming to Jesus today because they see "Christians" who live in just as much sin as they do and many times have MORE problems than they do.  Where's the attraction there?  The worldly are not fooled by a hypocritical life neither do they want one.  Jesus's peace that passes understanding is the only way anyone will keep the strength to endure what is coming to pass on Earth.  His peace helps us to stand strong while many will fall around us in terror.   Do you have His peace residing in you? Do you lead a life that shows evidence of Jesus's works in you?   Then now is the time to release the knowledge of Who that comes from to the world.   They feel the weight of sorrows from their sins here too and while they'll rarely acknowledge it with their lips, they always express it with their coping methods. Namely, the "dilute your thinking, dilute your guilt method:" drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping and/or anything else that temporarily drives the evil thoughts that constantly condemn them out of their minds. The key word here, is temporarily of course. The self-medicating must be continual so the recognition of their guilt here is minimal.

Our tears shed, our mourning, our grief and anguish should be  reserved for the perishing, those lost souls who refuse to accept the gracious call of the Gospel - not for material things or worldly lusts. Our prayer in this sorrow is that He would make us a brighter purer light for Him to reach the lost with.  No longer hypocritical examples but a truly joyful servants of the Father.  My greatest anguish today is for those whom I personally know whose lives are torn apart as a result of their sin. They are searching for the next quick fix for their lives (dilute your thinking, dilute your guilt) and rejecting the only One who can give them the forgiveness their hearts desperately desire and release them from the devil's prison in their minds. It is so simple and yet so hard.  Admit your guilt to the Lord. "I am a sinner. I need a Savior. Help me."  And mean it!

Enduring the sorrows of this world is much easier with Jesus by my side.  I see the lost groping blindly and thank Him for mercifully calling me away from that misery and into His peace every day.  I owe Him a debt I can never repay.  He has been SO good to me and I just want to shout it from the rooftops.  Do you feel the same way?  Then don't hide your light under a bush.  Let it shine.  Let your mouth confess the Truth of Jesus every time He presents you with opportunity to do so.  If you cannot confess Him before men, that is evidence that you do not truly believe in Him for the mouth speaks what the heart believes. Romans 10:9-10  Deny Him before men and He will deny you before God.  Matthew 10:32-33   It's time for the true Children of God to stand up and count.  Are you one of those? Then release His Truth to the world, to the perishing, with fervent prayers to the Lord that your life would be a light that shines bright enough to open their eyes so their ears might hear His gracious and merciful call to them while the day is still called "today." 

Tomorrow is promised to no man. 

Hands Full - Cultivating Humility

Original sin - It's one of the oldest stories in The Book.   It's the sin that caused mankind to live in this fallen corrupted world.  You know, Adam and Eve's fall from grace?  What exactly was that sin again?  Do you really know?  Take a poll and you'll find the top answer to this question is that they disobeyed God and they certainly did.  Even a young child can figure that out with a surface skim.  One might ask then, if the punishment fit the crime; to be cursed and then expelled from Eden for simply disobeying a rule one time.  When you pose it this way, the punishment seems cruel IF the sin was truly so petty.  The original sin was neither petty nor original.   God had seen it at least once before and it obviously wasn't one a light sentence would remedy.   It was the very same sin which got Lucifer (aka Satan) kicked out of Heaven.  Do you know what it is now?  It's pride.  A sin listed as one of the seven God hates most.  Proverbs 6:16-19    Look again at Genesis 3 and see if you spot it. 

God created everything in this world, called it perfect, and then created Adam in His image, to inherit all of it and rule over it.  (God likes to share His goodness with us ;-)  Adam gave a name to everything God made including "Woman."  (God is humble sitting back and letting man take the reins of His world)   Adam had it made.  He lived with his Creator, face to face and was freely given all things good.  Try to imagine that for a minute.   God freely gave him all of the things on the Earth except one:  the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.  Of that tree, Adam and Eve were neither to touch or eat.  How hard could that possibly be to leave one tree alone when you had so many other amazing things to enjoy?  And yet....

We all know how this goes.  Satan, in serpent form, shows up and questions Eve, "Did God really say you'll die if you eat? (He creates doubt)  No, you won't die, (He calls God a liar)  God just doesn't want you to be wise like Him." (He lays the bait for self-glorification)    Eve contemplates the bait.  Genesis 3:6, So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate.   She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate.   Did you catch that?  Adam was with her as she contemplated eating from the tree.  He must have watched her eat, and not die, so figured God was a liar and the serpent was right, so he too ate.  (The created beings rebelled against their Creator thinking they deserved to be equal to Him, and maybe even above Him. This is all rooted in pride! And it goes right before the fall) Proverbs 16:18

I'm certain the fruit was sweet in the mouth (because at first sin always is) but soon bitter in the stomach - look what happens next.  Genesis 3:7  Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings.  Guess what?  They didn't become gods.  Instead, they felt the weight of their sin.  So much so that they feel the need to hide from God.  Have you ever wondered what would have happened if they had run to God right at this moment and confessed and repented?  Would He in His grace and mercy have chosen to forgive this?  I don't know.  What I do know is that this original sin was further compounded when God questioned Adam about eating from the tree and he blamed it first on Eve and then on God for giving him Eve.  “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.”  Genesis 3:12     God then turns His attention to Eve who blames her sin on the serpent, And the LORD God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”  The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” Genesis 3:13   

Well, after this brief conversation, God put Adam and Eve out of the garden permanently and divulged to them the consequences of their disobedience. Adam saw the consequences of his sins on all of creation for 930 years. (Can you even imagine?)  His first son was the first recorded murderer (of his second son) and things only went downhill from there.  The length of Eve's life on Earth is not mentioned but you can only imagine the heartache and guilt she (and Adam) endured for life knowing that their pride caused all of these consequences. 

So let's plot this original sin out a bit: doubting God leads to pride, pride leads to disrespect for God, disrespect leads to arrogance, arrogance leads to willful disobedience, willful disobedience leads to all manner of immorality.  Pride is a sin that snowballs; it rolls downhill getting bigger and bigger as it picks up more and more sin trying to cover it's ugliness.   Pride doesn't take responsibility for it's sinfulness, it hides and once snared, it blames it's sinfulness on others, including God Himself.  Do you see how ridiculous this is?    No wonder they got thrown out of Eden. You give someone the whole Earth and this is how they repay your kindness..... This would tick me off too!

Every Biblical commandment is broken by someone who acting out of pride.  Pride is the original sin for all sin.  There is not one commandment which isn't broken under one of these pride filled thoughts: "I'm better than ____,"  "I don't need ____," "I deserve better than _____." "I know more than ______."  (fill in the blanks with you, or God, or just about anything.)  Ultimately ending with, "I AM equal to God so I can do what I want."

The question I asked earlier - if Adam and Eve had immediately repented, would God have mitigated their punishment?    I think somewhat, maybe.   But they didn't repent. Instead they kept sinning and like Lucifer was cast out of Heaven, they were cast out of Eden.  But unlike Lucifer, they were given hope for the future; God did not fully abandon them as He has Lucifer.  He just cannot abide sin especially that one.  So they were cast out of the Garden with the promise that Satan would be crushed for his part in "the fall" and that their sin would be atoned for at a later date. (by God in fallen human form: Jesus)

Well this war between God and Satan rages on.  Nothing has changed.  Satan still uses the same tactics on whosoever will take the bait.  He's always prowling for the weakest victims and most especially children.   With God's grace and wisdom,  parents try to give their children all of the things they feel are best for them to fulfill their needs: love, food, clothing, education, toys, fun, etc. They set limits to keep them safe. "These things you cannot do. These things you cannot touch. These things you cannot have. Obey or you'll be punished." And invariably a day will come when the children willfully disobey.   And when parents find out (because children rarely freely admit their guilt) and ask them why they disobeyed, they get all manner of explanations, except the truth.   

I will freely admit that these instances, when they occur in my home, repulse me and I could not quite figure out why until God led me back to studying original sin.   I have been praying that God wake up their sin awareness in certain areas and He has shown me that it has been blocked by pride.  So now, I can get to the root of the problem.

The worldly have an apathetic attitude about childhood rebellion and especially attribute it to simply being a teenager though it can happen at any age.  "Teenagers rebel, they disobey, they push the boundaries.  It's normal.  They'll grow out of it.  Look at me.  I was a horrible kid and I turned out okay."   Really...um....sorry to step on your pride here but if we do not recognize our own sinfulness, if we think we are okay in our own goodness, we're fully in pride and we are NOT safe.  1 Corinthians 10:12

God takes the sin of pride very seriously and so should we knowing now that it quickly leads to all manner of evil.  We can punish our children for disobedience all day long and never get very far if the sin of pride in their heart remains unchanged.  Pride makes one blind to their own sin.   So in the same manner which Moses showed the Israelites sin=curses and obedience=blessings, we need to do likewise for our children.  Deuteronomy 11:26, here I set before you blessings and cursings, the choice is yours to make.   Expose the original sin using Biblical examples, then offer the remedy for that sin.  Remind them that the choice is theirs to make.  All we can do is show them the correct path and pray they see The Light.   Finally reaffirm to them that God will give them the strength they need to stay away from this sin through the work of the Holy Spirit who makes sin unattractive to us everytime we choose obedience and experience blessings from it. They need to understand that obeying God is not empty religion but instead leads to a satsified life full of blessings.  God still enjoys sharing His goodness.  This by no means suggests that we will always be perfect, but as John admonishes us in 1 John 2:1-2, we have an advocate in Heaven, that is Christ, and so when we do fall down into sin, we are to recognize it, learn something from it, and repent quickly knowing we will be forgiven.   But, if we choose to disobey and continually grieve the Holy Spirit, we'll hear Him less and less and He will eventually depart from us entirely.  Hebrews 10:26-27 

The remedy for pride is humility.  Jesus came to this Earth and lived in total humility to God, his parents, and all who crossed His path -very much opposite of Adam and Eve.  He too was baited by Satan but He chose to honor His Father and NOT fall into the snare of pride.     So we should look to Him as our example in cultivating humility in ourselves first and then our children.  We cannot teach them that which we do not know and live out.  If we do not crucify our flesh, our children certainly won't.  So let us ponder what a humble person looks like and allow the Holy Spirit to let us where we need more humility.  The starting point is always to submit to God's authority.
A humble person recognizes their own sinfulness and is the first to point a finger at themselves in judgement.  They don't seek to justify their sin by their own merits because they know they can never be good enough. Ephesians 2:8-10   They recognize their need for a Savior and carry their own cross behind Him.  A humble person has a servant's attitude toward everyone but themselves.  They submit to all authority over them except when that authority asks them to break God's commandments.  (Think of Daniel here)   A humble person cannot be a selfish, arrogant or boastful person.  They seek to help others all the time,  not just when there is an audience to praise them.  A humble person is one who does not pretend know everything and is always teachable, flexible and compassionate.   A humble person does not boast of their accomplishments or think higher of themselves than others.   They are not out to be the best, have the most, or outdo their neighbors.  A humble person seeks God's attention, approval and blessing rather than the world's.   A humble person delights most in their accomplishments for God and not for this world because they know that everything in this world is temporal while the things of God are eternal.

The curses that come from pride are vast.   Jesus told us that without humility, we will not see God. Matthew 5:3-11   Solomon told us that God will destroy the house of the proud Proverbs 15:25 and additionally that He opposes the proud.  Psalm 138:6 reads: “For though the Lord is high, he regards the lowly, but the haughty he knows from afar.”   There are more and more scriptures covering pride and humility but they all boil down to this:  The Holy Spirit cannot dwell in a heart filled with pride.   Isa. 57:15 says, “For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: ‘I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite."  The question we need to ask ourselves as well as our children daily, as we cultivate humility, is do we want the one true God inhabiting our hearts and lives or do we want Satan there instead?  Does our life outwardly reflect our answer to this question?




 &<SPAN style="BACKGROUND: yellow" class=goog-spellcheck-word>lt</SPAN>;center>&<SPAN style="BACKGROUND: yellow" class=goog-spellcheck-word>lt</SPAN>;a <SPAN style="BACKGROUND: yellow" class=goog-spellcheck-word>href</SPAN>="http://<SPAN style="BACKGROUND: yellow" class=goog-spellcheck-word>backusfamilyblog</SPAN>.<SPAN style="BACKGROUND: yellow" class=goog-spellcheck-word>blogspot</SPAN>.com/">&<SPAN style="BACKGROUND: yellow" class=goog-spellcheck-word>lt</SPAN>;<SPAN style="BACKGROUND: yellow" class=goog-spellcheck-word>img</SPAN> border="0" <SPAN style="BACKGROUND: yellow" class=goog-spellcheck-word>src</SPAN>="http://2.<SPAN style="BACKGROUND: yellow" class=goog-spellcheck-word>bp</SPAN>.<SPAN style="BACKGROUND: yellow" class=goog-spellcheck-word>blogspot</SPAN>.com/-<SPAN style="BACKGROUND: yellow" class=goog-spellcheck-word>nwETUKPaW</SPAN>_M/Tepd2iyx8sI/<SPAN style="BACKGROUND: yellow" class=goog-spellcheck-word>AAAAAAAAB</SPAN>_Q/i6YHkLv5TEM/s200/<SPAN style="BACKGROUND: yellow" class=goog-spellcheck-<br /> <br /> "Hands Full" is my Tuesday blog feature about the full time job of raising children according to God's Word. If you are a Christian parent who has chosen to forgo materiality to put your children first by being home with them, who may also homeschool them (an often thankless job the worldly show lowest esteem for), you will find this feature both an exhortation and an encouragement to keep living out the will of God. You will also find that, if you allow it, God will use your own children to teach and correct YOUR relationship with Him. Please feel free to share the link. To read the introduction to this series, click here.
"Hands Full" is my Tuesday blog feature about the full time job of raising children according to God's Word. If you are a Christian parent who has chosen to forgo materiality to put your children first by being home with them, who may also homeschool them (an often thankless job the worldly show lowest esteem for), you will find this feature both an exhortation and an encouragement to keep living out the will of God. You will also find that, if you allow it, God will use your own children to teach and correct YOUR relationship with Him. Please feel free to share the link. To read the introduction to this series, click here.

Hands Full

"Wow, you have your hands full!"

If you have at least three young children, close in age, I'm certain you've heard this comment at least once, if not several times.  We certainly heard it numerous times having four young kids.  Today we have a teenager, another soon to be teenager this September, plus a 7 year old, and we can testify to you that by the grace of God, our hands are fuller now than ever before yet we no longer get this comment. As if parenting children who do not wear diapers is somehow less work.   I assure you, if you determined to be a godly parent, this is not the case.  The older your children become, the more they see, hear and understand, and therefore the more full your hands shall be.  Everything you teach today, either by word or by deed, godly or worldly, becomes a lesson your child learns either to do or not do, in the future.  There is not a more serious responsibility nor a more difficult job with eternal consequences in this world.  I find Bible study, the wisdom of godly elders, and the grace, teachings, and forgiveness of the Master more valuable each and every day.

Last fall, I was reading through various works by Martin Luther and bookmarked several for future reference including his "Treatise on Good Works." This one I reread about once every couple months.  Let me preface his writing by reminding you that "good works" and "being a good person" do not get you into Heaven.  There's only one way of salvation and that is through Christ.  However, once you are saved, the evidence of salvation and love of God IS good works and those good works should always begin in your own home.  There are Christians who are zealous for Christ that somehow neglect the ministry He gave them in their own home AKA their marriage and their children.  They sacrifice their own family in order to "save the world."  Conversely, there are "Christians" who try to teach their children about godly living while they live their lives opposite of Christ and all this does is teach the children that Jesus and rules are fine for kids but adults can do whatever they please.  These examples are what Martin Luther is referring to when he speaks of salvation being attained or lost by how we raise our children.  Children have eternal souls and are entrusted to parents by God Himself.  Where they will spend eternity is heavily dependent on how they are raised hence Proverbs 22:6, "train up a child in the Way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it."   As parents, we will be accountable for our part in their eternity.  The Bible does not mince words about that.   See Matthew 18, Luke 9 and 17 just to name a few if you have any doubt.

If you are a Christian parent, and most especially if you have chosen to forgo materiality to put your children first by being a stay at home parent who may also homeschool (an often thankless job the worldly show lowest esteem for), you will find his words both an exhortation and an encouragement to keep living out the will of God.

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Parents, as if they had nothing else to do, could attain salvation by training their own children.  If they rightly train them to God’s service, they will indeed have both hands full of good works to do. For what else are here the hungry, thirsty, naked, imprisoned, sick, strangers, than the souls of your own children with whom God makes of your house a hospital, and sets you over them as chief nurse, to wait on them, to give them good words and works as meat and drink, that they may learn to trust, believe and fear God, and to place their hope on Him, to honor His Name, not to swear nor curse, to mortify themselves by praying, fasting, watching, working, to attend worship and to hear God’s Word, and to keep the Sabbath, that they may learn to despise temporal things, to bear misfortune calmly, and not to fear death nor to love this life.


On the other hand, parents cannot earn eternal punishment in any way more easily than by neglecting their own children in their own home, and not teaching them the things which have been spoken of above. Of what help is it, that they kill themselves with fasting, praying, making pilgrimages, and do all manner of good works? God will, after all, not ask them about these things at their death and in the day of judgment, but will require of them the children whom He entrusted to them. This is shown by that word of Christ, Luke xxiii, “Ye daughters of Jerusalem, weep not for me, but for yourselves and for your children. The days are coming, in which they shall say: Blessed are the wombs that never bare, and the paps which never gave suck.” Why shall they lament, except because all their condemnation comes from their own children? If they had not had children, perhaps they might have been saved.


Truly, these words ought to open the eyes of parents, that they may have regard to the souls of their children, so that the poor children be not deceived by their own false, fleshly love. The Commandment that places the parents in a position of honor is for the very purpose that the self-will of the children may be broken, and that the children may become humble and meek.  Honor is higher than mere love and includes a certain fear, which unites with love, and causes a man to fear offending those they honor more than he fears the punishment of the offense.   Honor consists not only in respectful demeanor, but in this: that we obey them, have confidence in them, esteem and heed their words and example, accept what they say, and keep silent and endure their treatment of us, so long as it is not contrary to the Word of God.

This work (of raising godly children) appears easy, but few regard it aright. For where the parents are truly pious and love their children not according to the flesh, but (as they ought) instruct and direct them by words and works to serve God, there the child’s own will is constantly broken, and it finds occasion to despise its parents, to murmur against them, or to do worse things.  This is the first type of dishonor where love and fear depart, unless the children have God’s grace.


There is another dishonoring of parents, much more dangerous and subtle than this first, which adorns itself and passes for a real honor; when it is actually dishonor on both parties account.  That is, when a child has its own way, and the parents through natural worldly love allow it.  This plague is so common that instances of the first form of dishonoring are very seldom seen. This is due to the fact that the parents are blinded, and neither know nor honor God hence also they cannot see what the children lack, and how they ought to teach and train them.  For this reason they train them for worldly honors, pleasure and possessions, that they may by all means please men and reach high positions: this the children like, and they obey very gladly without gainsaying.


Thus God’s Commandment secretly comes to naught while all seems good, and that is fulfilled which is written in the Prophets Isaiah and Jeremiah, that the children are destroyed by their own parents, and they do like the king Manasseh, who sacrificed his own son to the idol Moloch and burned him, II. Kings xxi. What else is it but to sacrifice one’s own child to the idol and to burn it, when parents train their children more in the way of the world than in the way of God? Let them go their way, and be burned up in worldly pleasure, love, enjoyment, possessions and honor, but let God’s love and honor and the desire of eternal blessings be quenched in them?  

Now where parents are foolish and train their children after the fashion of the world, the children are in no way to obey them; for God, according to the first three Commandments, is to be more highly regarded than the parents.   To wear decent clothes and to seek an honest living is a necessity, and not sin. Yet the heart of a child must be taught to be sorry that this miserable earthly life cannot well be lived, or even begun, without the striving after more adornment and more possessions than are necessary for the protection of the body against cold and for nourishment. 

What is said and commanded of parents must also be understood of those who, when the parents are dead or absent, take their place, such as relatives, godparents, sponsors, and spiritual parents.

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This is a lot to digest, hence why I read and reread if frequently.  It's worth your time to chew on it too.  Godly parenting is a hard job to do well and there will be multitudes of frustrating days if you are doing it right.  Don't let that frustration allow you to compromise on God's instruction.   We are imperfect people trying to live out God's perfect will for our lives thus mistakes will be made, often.  We are ALL learning to be like Jesus or at least we should be.  We, as parents, need to remind ourselves of how often we have acted as disobedient children dishonoring our Father God when our children dishonor us (sometimes daily on BOTH counts). Then remember how God deals with us and mimic that;  forgiveness when we repent, discipline if we don't repent, mingled with grace, love and patience.  Pray always.  Prayer keeps eternity in view and that is the key to endurance when your hands are full. 

Psalm 128
Blessed is every one who fears the LORD, who walks in His ways.  When you eat the labor of your hands, you shall be happy, and it shall be well with you.  Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the very heart of your house,  Your children like olive plants all around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the LORD.

By Example

March 26th marked the 14th year that (Grandma) Delma has been in Heaven.  Mark and I hadn't even been married a year when she left this Earth.  I feel like she never got a chance to know me...as an adult.   She departed the day before my 24th birthday.   In February of that year, I flew down to Bakersfield with Kaysha who was 4 months old at the time so I could be with Del when it became obvious that she wasn't long for the world.   Up to that time, she had always told her best friend Roberta how sad she was thinking she was never going to be able to meet her first great-granddaughter.  Words cannot describe the look on her face when I walked into her hospital room and put Kaysha, still in her car seat,face to face with her on the bed.  Perfectly cued, Kaysha said, "Hi!" with a gigantic smile on her face.  Quite something else considering that she had spent a good 6 hours stuck in that car seat between cars and planes to get there.  And yes, at four months old, she somehow knew how to tell people "hi" right on cue.  When I'd take her grocery shopping, every time someone passed, she'd tell them hi and many would stop dead in their tracks and ask, "Did she just say hi to me?"  Well, Delma covered her face with her hands, mouth gaping wide open in shock and thrilling amazement.  She was SO happy she cried.  (I can only imagine her joy when she welcomed Samuel into Heaven based on seeing this scene firsthand)  Roberta tells me to this day that she will never ever forget that moment and how happy meeting Kaysha made Delma.   Apparently, she talked about it over and over with Roberta until she died.   Delma's family meant everything to her.  Everything.  When Delma died, I was inconsolable for months and it was about 18 months before I was good for much in this life.  She was my best friend and I've missed her every day for over 14 years.

My kids love to hear stories about Delma and I love to share them but in actuality, they are not all that spectacular in the "world's" point of view.  We did not travel the world and she did not live in a glorious mansion with everything our hearts could dream of longing for.  No.  None of that.  Simply hanging out with Delma in her modest home was enough.  Eating, conversing and loving.  That about sums things up.  Because of this simple living, memories of a childhood with her are everywhere around me and I try to impart this humble enjoyment to my own kids.  The smell of bacon cooking reminds me of Delma making it nearly every morning after we stayed the night.  I smell it and hope someday my grandkids will remember me by the pleasant aromas and scrumptious meals made in my kitchen.  Sitting on the front porch enjoying a nice day reminds me of sitting in their backyard doing the same, or even better, watching lightning storms roll in and then running into the house when they got too close.  There was no rush rush at Del's.  Her favorite saying, "I have more time than money, kid."   In fall, she'd rake the leaves into a gigantic pile in front of our swing so we could jump in them.  We climbed high in her trees just to hear her say, "Come down from there.  What if you fall?"  My bathroom is oriented similarly to the way hers was and every morning I get ready for the day, I swear it's like walking into hers, and I hear her comment on how she cannot believe I don't need a curling iron for my hair.   All those trips to the market to pick out something for dinner and check out the make up isle with her alongside showing me how to "test" them properly.  We took the kids to Del Taco which just opened up near us for old time's sake.  Anna said she loved "Del's Tacos" and I sat there flooded with memories of years of eating there after a trip to the store with her.  Sitting in Denny's with her asking me to please drink some of her coffee so that waitress would refill her cup with a hotter batch.  She hated coffee that was anything less than hot...HOT!  Her little candy dish filled with Skittles next to where she sat on the sofa to watch TV.  She liked a little candy.  We do as well.  Then there's that box of See's Candies to mark special occasions now a tradition in my home too.  I could go on and on...   Truth be told, I love talking about Delma just as much as I love talking about Samuel.

Everyone here is well aware of Delma's influence on my life.  We talk about her every single day and while none of my children knew her on Earth, they know her way of living life well and cannot wait to meet her.   Delma knew something it takes most people a lifetime to learn, if they learn it at all; true joy begins with a godly home.  A godly home is one filled with the love of God and that honors His commandments.  Have these things first and everything else falls into place.   This accurately describes Delma's house.  She was all for a good time, but you better honor God while having it.  She was not shy if you needed correction but God's grace abounded in her methods of discipline.  You could confess any sin to her and know you'd be met with unconditional love as long as you did so with a repentant heart.   I miss that more than you know.  We are all human and we all make mistakes.  However, one of the worst things "Christians" do is chastise a mistake or sin you are repenting of.  Repenting means you know it's wrong, and you are sorry.  You want to make things right and STOP doing whatever it was.  This is where compassion is needed, not hellfire.   Del met you with compassion in such circumstances looking for ways to help you make things right, both in your own heart, with God and whomever else may be involved.  And ever after the sin was spoken of, she never NEVER used it against you at a later date.  Once repented of, it was forgotten, just like Jesus forgets.   I so miss my Delma!  We all need someone in our lives like this!  Like the Lord, she was 100% trustworthy.  That's a rarity today.

For this year's Heavenly birthday, in Delma's honor, I prepared a traditional Thanksgiving dinner (turkey and trimmings) and invited "so and so" and his wife to join us.  You remember them, right?  I mentioned them in this post.  Our friends who have been married a very short time who are looking for true joy in all the wrong places. 
As a result, their home life is not filled with happiness and laughter as ours is or as Delma and Mac's were.  But rather than giving them an ear full of words that would have most likely went in one ear and out the other, Mark and I chose instead to bring them into our loving home hopefully providing them an example that appreciating the simple things such as the ones you love and a good (okay, awesome) meal is where real joy finds it's roots.  Same as Delma did for me.  Delma's greatest "fruit" in life was providing an example; being a role model of a godly lifestyle.  If you live it, that is compelling enough; words are often unnecessary.  I'm by no means suggesting that I am a Delma quality godly role model.  No.  I have a long way to go to get to her standard.  She set the bar high.  But this I know, our marriage has been tested by fire and that fire has only made it stronger.  Mark is as much an integral piece of me as my arms, legs and even heart are.  I cannot imagine a marriage any other way and this amazing relationship and love is something I wish to impart to our friends.  I learned that this kind of relationship is possible by observing Delma's marriage and wanting that kind of marriage as my own. I work every day to keep our love watered, nurtured and growing.  Godliness leading to true joy in life starts in the home.   Did our guests leave with a "Delma" seed planted into their lives?  I don't know.  They were never made aware of the significance of the date for me either.   What I do know is that they were welcomed with open arms into our household as a unit, not as two separate people who don't get along, and my kids (two anyway) lavished love on them.  We laughed and enjoyed good conversation, then we all overate and enjoyed every second of it.  Even Samuel showed up to turn on the TV  about five minutes after we retired into the back room.  Explaining Samuel's TV antics to them was quite comical and if anything, I'm sure that made an impression, LOL!  Even he can't stay away.

Godly role models are so lacking today and the consequences are stunning, and not in a good way.  Divorce!  As I've pondered this post, I have fully realized the tremendous impact Delma had on my life, not just as a grandmother but as a Sister in Christ.  She was filled with the Lord's unconditional love and if people didn't see it, it was simply because their hearts were so full of sin that love no longer registered.  Certainly, she had two children and five grandchildren which she nurtured in very similar ways and yet many of not most chose paths away from Jesus looking to worldly ways for joy and satisfaction in life.  Two of the seven are dead now neither finding satisfaction.   

Often we miss what is right in front of our faces.  Some people actually scoffed at Delma's simple life and her complete entanglement with Mac in marriage (which was most evident when he died-part of her died as well).   She had no great worldly accomplishments, nor vast fortune, but what she did have money cannot buy: divine love.   The true test of a life well lived is is people speak well of you you and your wisdom after you are gone.  Do they remember your name at all?  As long as I live, Delma's name and "fruit" will be spoken of and learned from.  I hope my own children will recognize what she lived to teach and learn this valuable lesson well.  Joy begins with a godly home.  Every blessing on top of that is icing on the cake.

Crosses as Labors of Love

This is your cross to carry.....

The still small voice spoke this exact phrase into my consciousness while I was sitting in the Olive Garden being wrung out a bit over a week ago.  It's echoed in my head ever since.  It's not an uncommon phrase, certainly we've all heard it or even said it, but I can't say that up to this point, I considered Samuel life or death my cross.  Samuel was a huge responsibility, one I considered a labor of love, not a burden to be endured.

Jesus said,  “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me," Luke 9:23.  I've read this scripture numerous times and heard people explain that taking up your cross signifies all the worldly things you have to give up in order to be a Christian.  Others explains that the cross represents life's burdens that we Christian "martyrs" must be willing to carry.  Nonbelievers hear these things and find them a deterrent to the faith and want nothing to do with the cross.  Who would with those definitions?   Well, Samuel doesn't fit into either of these categories so they must be wrong.  My baby was not something I had to give up in order to follow Christ nor was he a burden or I a martyr.   I have spent each day since that Friday looking for answers to what He could have possibly meant. What I found out was that while my mind was improperly educated about crosses, my heart was not.  Do people even know what the cross Jesus speaks of us carrying even is?  Do you?

The fact of the matter is, we all have crosses.  Everyone including nonbelievers.  They are not unique to Christians.   Crosses represent the reality of life on Earth;  that God wills us all to experience things in our lives that we would have never chosen and wish we could change.  Things we consider undeserved burdens such as handicaps, tragic deaths, accidents, disfigurement, unwanted responsibilities or some other large or small event that mars your existence.   I don't know one person on this Earth to whom God has not given a cross of some sort.  It's what you do with those crosses that defines whether or not you are in the faith as well as how you perceive them.

Crosses are a reality for every person who lives on Earth.  Bad things happen to good people and for that matter, bad people as well.  The way of the world is to spend as much time as possible trying to escape reality (or their crosses) by any means available; drugs, alcohol, denial, or the "life is short, don't worry be happy" mentality just to name a few.  There are many avenues to the same "I don't want to deal with it" end.

Christians, on the other hand, are called live as sober thinking and acting people.  If you fear and revere God, denying what He has put in front of you is not an option.  Yet, crosses are by design inconvenient, difficult to accept, distressing and sometimes a source of intense suffering.  Human nature wants no part of any of this.  Even Jesus, knowing the plan of God because He is God, became deeply sorrowful and extremely distressed as the hour of the cross drew near.  Three separate times He prayed that His Father would change His mind.

“O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me...."

(No answer from the Father is recorded any of the three times)

Another example,, Paul had many crosses during his life but there was one that was so annoying that like Jesus, he asked God three times to take it away. God did not remove it but He did answer saying,

 “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”

Here are some things that I noted.  God doesn't expect that we won't question the crosses in our lives.  He was patient with both His Son and Paul questioning Him.  But each one, after asking three times for the cross to be removed and having it yet remain, accepted that cross as God's will for their life and that is what Jesus means by taking up your cross. You take it.  Jesus ended each of this three prayers this way, "Nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.”
 
"My grace is sufficient for you," means "accept reality."  Selfishness has to die.  The "foolishness" of the cross is that death precedes life. Accepting the cross means our will for what our time on Earth should entail has to die before we can even begin to live as Christ calls us to live.  It's hard to give up pleasure for pain, joy for sorrow, convenience for inconvenience and that is what crosses always appear to demand and why so many try any means possible to get out of taking them on. 

Accepting the cross as God's will is obviously a spiritual choice, not a carnal one.  The circumstance or God's will isn't going to change and trying to circumvent it only makes life harder for us.  He is asking us to change.  He wants to use the cross as the agent that transforms us; that renews our mind, will and emotions to line up with His will.  The cross is an invitation to walk hand in hand with Jesus.  Either you accept or reject His offer but you cannot in your own strength, remove the cross.  Crosses are not merely obstacles to be overcome and they won't go away because they are ignored.  Jesus carried His cross to His death and many of the crosses we have been given will also be a part of our lives until we die.

What shall we do then if we are to carry some crosses until we die?  Follow Paul's example and embrace them. 

"Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 1 Corinthians 12:9-10

Look at the words!  Rather than complain and whine about the unfairness of it all, he chooses to find joy, take pleasure in and even boast of his crosses.  Why?  Because he has learned that where the crosses are, Christ is also.  Where Christ is, supernatural power is found and once you experience the supernatural in your life, living in your own strength holds little value.

Since Samuel left us, life has felt drab and purposeless at times; like we were hardly living anymore.  I blogged about it here.  Part of those feelings are most certainly side effects of grieving but the majority of them stem from missing the power of Christ that gave us all the strength to keep going every time it looked like all hope was lost.   We were co-laborers; Mark, Samuel, Jesus and I and it was all a labor of love.  And that love made the impossible possible many many times.

Samuel was given a cross that few can fathom the horrors of and yet he accepted it without complaint and chose to embrace the life he was given in spite of it.  I cannot even type that without goosebumps and even welling up a new batch of tears because those were spiritual choices that a child from the age of two on, made by himself.   He chose daily to walk with Jesus accepting the will of God and by doing so, he not only taught us how to live, but he taught us how to leave this world smiling in spite of it all.  And we, his parents, died a thousand deaths living in those extremes and while I wouldn't wish the tragedies on anyone, I would not refuse the opportunity to have lived and learned from it should God have given me the choice of avoiding it.

Samuel will always be my cross to carry even though he doesn't require my care or live with me anymore. Reality is, his suffering and death still hurt immensely, as evidenced at the Olive Garden. The nails are still excruciating and the sword still pierces. Every time I experience the pain they cause, I'm certain I cannot die soon enough.  Nothing could have prepared us for how painfully hard Samuel's cross was going to be but love was the fuel that kept us all going.  The love is what tempers the sorrow and brings me back from the brink of the black hole of despair.   It was so strong and powerful that many in our closest circle felt it as well.  It's a love I know lives on and waits for me and that brings me much joy just to think on it.  Just writing of it fills me full of it.   Samuel taught me that crosses become labors of love if you carry them with Jesus and burdens or curses if you don't.  Perhaps the "teachers" should  preach that and they would be more compelling for Christ but this I know also; you cannot teach what you haven't been taught.   I prefer my crosses as labors of love.  Samuel was certainly that.  I will carry his cross proudly as Paul would thanking God that I was counted worthy of such an honor.

Redeem the Time

Ephesians 5:15-17
See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise,  redeeming the time, because the days are evil.  Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

Over the last few months, I have been unable to shake the feeling that today is slipping away from us.  Life is spinning out of control.  Barreling us toward a cliff and once we go over, nothing will ever be the same again.  The feeling has been so strong that I find myself asking the Lord to give me more time to do the important things and by important things, I mean important to Him.

James 1:27

Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world.

Matthew 25:31-36
“When the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the holy[c] angels with Him, then He will sit on the throne of His glory.  All the nations will be gathered before Him, and He will separate them one from another, as a shepherd divides his sheep from the goats.  And He will set the sheep on His right hand, but the goats on the left.  Then the King will say to those on His right hand, ‘Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world:  for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.’



There is no more time than God has already planned out for each of us.  Our only option is to redeem the time that we have right this second.  Tomorrow isn't promised and life can change in an instant.  These are sentiments we know all too well.  Time is only redeemed for Him when we lay our selfish ambitions aside, untangle ourselves from life's distractions, and wait on Him. 
 
Three weeks ago, my beloved came home from what was to be his last day at work to tell me that time has suddenly been freed up.   We weren't expecting that.   Knowing that God answers prayers in unexpected ways, knowing what had been on my heart and lips for months, and believing that He knows what He is doing, we began on that day, a new adventure with God and I vow to redeem the time.  And when I pray, "Give us this day our daily bread," I mean it more than ever before.  And in rest, and through trust, I'm learning another aspect of living by faith.  I cannot see where He is leading us but I don't require this information to follow Him.  We follow blindly and if you let that become exciting rather than frightening, you will feel your soul truly live and your ears will open up more than ever to His voice and leading.
 
                     @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
 
Last week, I received some very sad news about my beloved midwife, Toni Erickson.  Mark's Mom called me to alert me to this news article.   I haven't spoken to Toni in about two years but according to the article, she retired from her practice after a diagnosis of ALS, also known as Lou Gehrig’s disease.  The news was crushing for us, I can only imagine what it was like for her and her family.  I called her right away as I am certain many others did upon seeing the news in the paper.  She didn't answer the phone but instead her machine picked up.  The voice I heard was barely recognizable.  The disease had already attacked the muscles in her mouth and throat.  I left a quick message trying to contain my sorrow.  There was a gathering planned at the local high school to photograph as many of the families that could still be found that she has supported through pregnancy and birth so I let her know we would be attending. 
 
The gathering was yesterday afternoon.  I was uncertain as to if she would attend at all but as we stood in a huge crowd of families, Mark whispered in my ear that she was coming toward us.  I turned to take a quick peek.  I recognized her right away and was happy to see she was walking unassisted but I turned away almost as soon as I recognized her.  As if not looking made the diagnosis go away.  It didn't.  I hid my face and my tears until she was right by me.  She didn't recognize me until I turned to acknowledge her. 
 
"Oh, Jen," she said as she gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and as we clutched each other, I noted how thin and bony she had become.  She can hardly eat anymore.  She's starving.   I think she tried to thank me for calling but the words stopped before they could come out.  Mark embraced her then.  Before she could move on, I hugged her again as if I could freeze the moment and stop the disease but I could do neither one.  This lovely woman, the epitome of God's love and grace, and the closest person to being like Delma that I know, is not long for this world and the diagnosis is a hideous one.
 
We signed the guestbook and filed into the gymnasium along with countless others who filled up one entire side of bleachers.  We looked around in awe at this fraction who came knowing that there were countless more who weren't in attendance.  A few accolades were spoken to Toni but the sentiment was on every person's lips.  If there was an angel on Earth, it was her.  Everyone who knew her was forever changed.  I'll never forget the first time I spoke to her on the phone.  Within minutes, I knew she was the person I wanted to deliver my first baby.  When we met in person, it was confirmed.   Every mother that walked through her door was her daughter and every father was her son.  Every child born was like her own.  It didn't matter who you were on the outside of her world, when you entered it, she found all your good and expounded on it.  You could walk into her house a total louse and walk out wanting to be better because she brought out the best in you.   Whatever you needed she was that.  She used to say, "I'm your mother, I'm your sister, I'm your best friend.  Whatever you need, girl, I am it."  And she was.
 
When Samuel was first diagnosed, she came to the hospital in Tacoma to visit.  She called often to check on us.  When he had a certain surgery in Seattle, she came to visit again.  She cheered when she found out we fed him breastmilk to heal him and she cried when she found out he had died.  A day after that day, she was here sitting on the couch listening to how his death felt like a birth and it seemed odd that she wasn't there. 
 
"Kid, if you'd have called me, I'd have come, " she said. 
 
I know she would have.  She told us we were heroes, a word that still seems wrong for us but we accepted it because it came from her.  She then told me that she always thought that when she retired from being a midwife, she would become a hospice RN.  I've found a certain angelic quality in both midwives and hospice RN's so she'd do well.  That wasn't in God's plan.   It's time for her to rest.
 
As we listened to the speeches given in Toni's honor, I whispered to Mark that I favored this gathering so much more than a funeral.  People paying their respects in person, redeeming the time, redeeming that moment, rather than waiting until she's gone and then lamenting wishing they would have said something further.  As with Samuel, countless "I love you's" are never enough to satisfy us who are left behind.  A lingering clinging hug eventually has to let go.  I hugged her as if I was hugging Delma again selfishly not wanting to let her to go.  And then I held back tears as she moved on down the line to others who just like me, wanted one more word with her, one more hug.   I could imagine Heaven's ovation with ours on Earth for a job well done.  Lives touched for Christ.  Applause for a woman who shared the joy of your baby's birth, who held you and cried with you as your baby died in your arms, who fully understood how precious a life was whether it ever had a chance to breath in on Earth or not.  All were precious to her.  She, unlike most people, did not run from sorrow, but to the sorrowful.   Her legacy will live on decades and decades. 
 
Proverbs 7:10
The memory of the righteous is a blessing.  The name of the wicked rots.
 
And in all this, I still believe God will redeem the ugliness for good.  The fact remains that a lot of good is done in honor of the sick.  A lot more good is done when the sick is a person such as Toni.  Good deeds redeem the time for God.  Only He knows what good will come out of this.

I do not understand why Toni, or for that matter, why anybody at all but I do believe that it is time for everyone that she has touched and supported to come alongside and support her.  To do so is to help Christ Himself and when you are around Toni, you see Jesus.   This I know, suffering and sickness, even that most hideous, can be endured if one is surrounded with love.  That gymnasium, I am certain, has never been so full of love.
 

This is Toni Erickson

Toni, pictured right, midwife Mif, pictured left with newborn Kaysha.

"My Toni," me and newborn Anna.

 

I have went back and labeled every blog with a mention of Toni in it with her name so her wisdom can easily be found.  My birth stories, three with Toni, one with Mif, are linked on the right side of this blog, 

If you would remember Toni in your prayers, I would be most grateful.


Related tribute to Toni post here.

Seventeen = Victory

I doubt you'd be surprised to learn that "my" New Year doesn't occur until May 8th at 5:58am.  As the calendar rolled over to 2011, this reality was never more clear.  When the calendar rolled into 2005, I distinctly remember mentioning in the journal that for us, there wasn't anything new or exciting about the date change, it was just more of the same bad nightmare continued into a new year.  I think ever since that time, we simply stopped believing that a new year somehow equated a fresh start.  It became just another year to claw our way through fighting, hoping and praying we'd all be living when it ended.  2008 blew that hope off our radar for good. 

As I look at the calendar which says it's January 7th, all that tells me is April and May are coming like a freight train.  In 2009, this thought struck terror in my heart.  In 2010, the terror wasn't as fierce, but still in the background.  But now that it's 2011, and I think ahead, I am beginning to see these months quite differently. I cannot say I look forward to them, but I can say that I will embrace them when they arrive knowing that God will pick me up and carry me through them just as He has done in years past.  The 17 days that elapse between Samuel's birthday on Earth and Samuel's birthday in Heaven (as my "Mom" Sue says, the days between births) are now sacred.  These are "my" days to do little else but be thankful for Samuel's life and the lessons I've learned because he lived.  I will allow myself to mourn a little and at the same time draw treasures from the Lord that only seem to come forth during times of intense emotions.  I do believe that it is when the heart bleeds that the Lord is nearest and often we miss Him because we fear great sorrow and resent the suffering that comes of it.  We'll do anything to make it go away whether that be drugs, alcohol, or some other cop out in order to temporarily feel better.  Unresolved issues have a tendency to follow you around, linger in your consciousness, and lie in wait for you to wake up to reality again so they can pounce.  Suffering and sorrow dawn every doorstep at some point; consider that as Jesus knocking on your door asking you to take some time out of your busy life to get to know Him and allow Him to redeem the situation.    Redemption doesn't always mean that the ugly becomes beautiful (although it certainly can); I've found redemption of a very bad situation can become bittersweet which is an improvement over just plain ugly.  The sweetness is in the present while the bitterness remains in the past.   It still hurts immensely to recall Samuel's sufferings but that hurt is often covered by the amazing love that poured out of it and the blessings that have come and continue to come because of it.   You can choose to remember and dwell on only the bad, or you can choose to allow God show you the good and allow you to live again.   I chose the latter and  I am SO glad I did that.  And so today those 17 days have come to set the tone for the entire year that follows and have since 2008 so you can see why my new year won't truly begin until the time of Samuel's departure.

For whatever reason this new year, I began to question the significance of 17 days knowing it wasn't accidental that these days between births have become so significant.  Perhaps it wouldn't feel as symbolic if his original diagnosis wouldn't have come on his 2nd birthday.  Perhaps it wouldn't seem so compelling except that from Samuel's 6th birthday forward, we knew he was living on borrowed time.     Perhaps if there had been 51+ days in between, I would not cluster it together and count it all out.  Perhaps the memories of each of those days would be foggier if there were more of them.   But instead, we know he lived exactly 17 days into his 6th year here and that's what we say when people ask how old he was when he left.  It's significant to us.

You might recall the last time numbers stood out to me when I started looking at Samuel's Exodus date and time.  I blogged about it here.  That was pretty interesting.  So, in the same spirit, I began looking into the Biblical significance of 17 which is also pretty interesting and multifaceted because of it's many properties.  In a nutshell, 17 is a number which signifies victory.  I like that.  Especially in light of remembering those 17 days as misery.  The misery is in the past.  I cannot change it.  Nor can I deny how miserable it was.  Yet, Samuel was still victorious in spirit.  That is undeniable.  I'll never forget that in his last days here he was concerned that his Dad might not be okay sleeping alone while I was sleeping with him.  I'll not forget how he told me he was sorry, then stopped to correct himself to say that his body was sorry.  I'll not forget how he spent his last good day coloring pictures and doing things specifically "for me." 

Victory.

  Another source said 17 is the perfection of spiritual order.  Now it was last year, April 2nd that I was given the dream about Perfection.  That's a word I am very careful using to be certain but here it is in front of my face again.

17 is the 7th prime number, therefore indivisible, and also the sum of the first four prime numbers 2+3+5+7 which gives it the significance of each number with special emphasis on the number 7. 

2 = Unity

3 = Divine completeness and perfection

5 = Grace, divine strength and favor

7 = Spiritual perfection

And as if those weren't treasures enough to unearth, when I think of the 17 days, I always break it up because it falls between two months.  The last 9 days of April and the first 8 days of May.  So I looked into the number 9 and nearly fell out of my chair.  The number 9 represents the Fruit of the Spirit; love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness, and self-control.  Since I have often referred to these and Samuel, you can see why this might stand out in a very significant way.  Did I not see all of these in him most especially in his last days here?  Were they not truly perfected in those last days?  The number 8 is the number of resurrection, of new birth and new beginnings.  I think this one needs no further explanation.  We all know he got his new birth with God.  And if you look at this from God's perspective, He's already told us that we are to strive to perfect each fruit of the spirit while on Earth prior to going to Heaven and there it is layed out between the numbers 8 and 9.

So maybe I will start referring to the days between births as the "Days of Victory."  I like that a lot.  Less than a month after he went to Heaven, I wrote a post called "Samuel Won."    Seems like the Lord has been whispering all these things to me for years and I just now took the time to put it all together.  I keep thinking that one day in Heaven, Samuel and I will laugh about all this while he says, "Boy, Mama, you sure are slow." (I can hear it already) And on that day we will also say,  “Where, O death, is your victory?  Where, O death, is your sting?  Death has been swallowed up in victory.”  (1 Corinthians 15:55)

Victory!

I'll take it.

What Your Words Really Say

It's so easy to blog the right words, so difficult to always be able to speak them.  Often we never see the wounds we inflict on a heart until well after the damage has been done.  God creates with words and He destroys with words and in His infinite wisdom, He gave humans this gift.  And oh, how often we choose to destroy sometimes without even realizing we are doing it.   Words are gifts that keep on giving; whether those gifts be good or evil, whether they bring life or death, depends on you.  Holidays can take an emotional toll on hearts well before people add their words to the mix.  Give the gift of kindness, healing and love this season because you never know what is going on in the heart of the one you speak to.  Your words may make all the difference this year.  Let that difference be a good one.


The "Gift" of Words
Jen Backus

Words...
Maybe I'm oversensitive today,
but the words that you say,
just took my breath away,
and not in a good way.
Those words.....
You think they don't matter,
it's just idle chatter,
while my heart is on a platter,
devoured by your words...
They pile up, I retreat,
at my limit, I accept defeat,
I blink....and you don't think.
Must you repeat-
those words?
You cannot perceive
the pain that you leave
in the heart that you grieve
with those words...
You don't mean to be mean,
and that's how you'll lean,
because you don't hear how they seem
like spiteful words.
If you could feel my heart flop,
with the words that you drop,
would you stop?
Or go over the top?
Would you really want to say those words?
You cannot put them back,
they echo love you lack,
they make my heart want to crack,
reverberating words...
They curse or bless,
they build up or mess,
but they never rest,
They never rest.


Jesus said in Luke 6:45,   "A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks."

The words we speak say more about us than they do about those we speak to or about.  If you listen beyond the words spoken, you'll get a glimpse at the condition of the heart that's behind them.  While God sees our hearts clearly, our barometer of the treasure of another's heart is through their tongue.  Sometimes that view causes much more sorrow than the hurtful words that were spoken.   I cannot change what others do, but I can change what I do because I'm guilty too.

Sovereign Lord,
Show me what I lack.
Bind my heart and lips.
Keep me from hurting others as I am hurting.
Keep me from imparting my deepest sins into others.
Keep me from repaying evil for evil.
Forgive me as I forgive them. 
Help.

The Capsule

I have had more life-changing perceptions of Heaven since Samuel went to live there than at any other time in my life. Before Samuel lived in Heaven, Heaven was just an amazing place of unimaginable reward and I looked up to the clouds daily to see if I could get a glimpse of it. Of course, I never saw anything but clouds. I would try to imagine what we might see and experience there and all of my suppositions seemed to fall short of heavenly. I have read books of others' suppositions of Heaven and found myself turning up my nose at times hoping what they wrote wasn't really going to be true. The Holy Spirit has once again been the best teacher reminding me that Earth is but a shadow of Heaven and God speaks to us, shows us examples of who He is, what He wants from us, and even glimpses of Heaven through what is right in front of us. It's just a matter of having your spiritual eyes opened so that you can see it.

I have often felt and seen little twinklings of the joy in Heaven through dreams, through feeling Samuel's immense love while he is in heaven, through his joy of Christmas everyday and most recently, as I watched the rescue of the Chilean miners. Setting aside the "cheating miner" which is currently being focused upon and all the other drama yet to come out, I am talking about the 24 hour period when the world watched a miracle in progress not caring who did what to whom, only that they somehow survived a horribly unfathomable ordeal and were now saved. Who wasn't moved by the family members welcoming their once thought dead loved ones back to the surface? Who wasn't caught up in the excitement as we waited for each man to come out of the pit to the great cheers of the rescuers? Who wasn't impressed by the Chilean President welcoming each miner back to life, thanking them for the job they did, and telling each how proud of them he was? I heard one news commentator say he thought that covering the rescue might become boring as time elapsed only to realize that it just got more and more exciting and amazing instead. We witnessed something special indeed. I have pondered the rescue for days now thinking of the parallels to what our welcome in Heaven might be like. I cannot help but think this example was God giving us a glimpse of not only a Heavenly ovation but also a reminder of His gracious call to each of us and what that call entails.

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Remember the rescue and picture this Heavenly view -- The miners are trapped in the land of the dying (the collapsed mine) a pit; a place of great darkness, suffering, and sorrow. (Earth)  God's angels, aka the rescuers, go down to Earth (the pit) to prepare each man for his journey out of the abyss. God's angels, again the rescuers, now on the surface (or at Heaven's gate) receiving each man from the abyss and removing from his body any remaining Earthly ties and handing each a pair of sunglasses to help their eyes adjust to the light of His glory (the sun and the Son). As soon as the man appears at Heaven's Gate (or on the surface) everyone there sings praises to God as He has redeemed yet another soul from death's grasp. And the family who can hardly wait to embrace their loved one in Heaven (or on the surface) is then first to receive them in tearful joy as the angels (rescuers) continue to clap, sing and welcome them. And then there is Jesus, (the Chilean President as I am painting this picture) who graciously and humbly waits as the immediate family welcome their love to Heaven first. He, of course, is responsible for them being redeemed but he enjoys watching the reunions and waiting for the redeemed to come to him which he always does. And then a great humility is witnessed indeed as minor, a virtual nobody, receives glory and honor from the President (or in the case of Heaven, Jesus) who himself is due all the glory and honor for making this possible.  It's hard to tell which man is happier.  Each miner had to have had a moment where they wondered, "Is this really happening? Who am I to receive such a hero's welcome? Who am I that so many dropped everything in their lives to come save? Who am I and what have I ever done to deserve this?"

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When the Chilean President received the news about the trapped miners, he could have said, "Who cares, they are all nobodies, why bother trying to save them, they are probably dead anyway, it's not worth the cost or effort, they'll never know the difference anyway," but he didn't. He didn't lose hope in spite of how it looked, he went to the ends of the Earth to help them no matter the cost, and with God's help, he got them all out alive and well. Each man's life was precious no matter who he was or wasn't or what sins he committed. It's a beautiful picture parallel of how God feels about us; He hasn't left us for dead.

On this Earth, we are all born as "trapped miners." Trapped in depravity and slaves to our sins, yet something provokes us to search for an unknown treasure. Jesus is that treasure. Without Him, we live in a dirty dark hole of our own filth. God could have left us like this and we could then live out our miserable lives never feeling satisfied as we lusted after dust, always feeling as if there was something missing in our lives and never finding it. We would never recognize our slavery to sin and to Satan. God could have walked away leaving us in this pit saying that we would never know the difference anyway, but He didn't. Still, we ask, "Who am I that the God of the Universe would care so much about me?"

God sent His Son to live and die in the very same sin-filled conditions as the rest of us in order to reconcile mankind back into His grace; in order to save us from Satan's grasp. When Adam fell from that grace, you can bet he knew it.  He knew he needed a Savior.  But the rest of us have been born into this corrupt world never recognizing that it didn't start out like this, nor will it endure forever like this.  As a result we did not at first see our need for a Savior, and the grace of God.   Someone had to tell us.  Someone had to share the gospel of Christ with us so that our eyes would be opened and we could have the opportunity to choose life.  John 3:17 says For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.

Have you ever thought that He hasn't asked us to do anything on Earth He was unwilling to do? If you were the Creator and could just speak planets and people into existence or destruction, why would you bother to insert yourself into a fallen world if you could just crush it and start over? This tells you a lot about how much God cares for you not to mention what kind of people we should be in the face of adversity. God doesn't give up. He is a God of reconciliation. God tells us He is “The LORD, the LORD God, merciful and gracious, long suffering, and abounding in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin....” (Ex. 34)

That said, how do you think God must feel when "Christians" trample over all the effort He has went to for our rescue including the sacrifice of His Son as if it was no big deal?  Did I lose you?  Well let me ask you this:

How do you think the Chilean President and rescuers might feel if after everything was said and done with the rescue about to take place and the miners refused to get into the capsule? What if they chose instead to continue living in the mine with people on the surface just sending down whatever they asked for whenever they asked for it. Think of it - they never have to work, they have no obligations, they just eat, drink, sleep and do whatever they want while the slaves on the surface do whatever they wish, no questions asked. So let me ask you, would you consider them saved? Rescued? It's absurdity! Nobody would stand for it. And they are certainly NOT saved; they would be users tromping over the very people who are trying to help them making all their efforts fruitless in the end.

The miners owe both the President and the rescuers a debt they will never be able to repay. With that will come some expectations moving forward: respect, kindness, thankfulness and humility stemming from the remembrance of the sacrifices made on their account. In the future, should the President call on them for a service, his reasonable expectation would be that they do what he asks cheerfully. He will fully expect their allegiance and he has more than earned it. What the President should not abide would be a bunch of miners, thankful now, but as time passes develop gigantic egos from their sudden fame and go about demanding things in Chile and abroad, breaking laws and walking all over whomever gets into the way of their "new life" citing their "suffering" as an excuse for bad behavior and "hero status" as an excuse for deserving X, Y and Z. I think we can all clearly see what would be wrong with this picture.  Our Savior expects similar things from us when we accept His gracious call to Salvation, a gift that cost Him dearly.  How quickly we forget.

Do you wake up every morning thanking Him for saving you from the pit? Do you thank him for showing you His grace knowing that you did nothing to deserve it, you couldn't earn it and you can never repay it? Are you homesick for Heaven? Do you think about the day you'll stand before Him in Heaven knowing full well that you don't deserve to be there and yet, because of Jesus who took your sins and gave you His righteousness, you are there? Does that awe factor of this bring you to your knees in thanksgiving and praise because He chose to open your eyes rather than leave you in the darkness? If you are not overwhelmed by His saving grace toward you daily, I would question whether or not you are still living in the pit refusing to get into the capsule.

There are a myriad of "Christians" today living like this. These are people who have had just enough Jesus to be dangerous.  They have seen the light of truth shine down into the pit.  The capsule to remove them has arrived and is waiting for them to get in, but they have refused to leave the life they have built for themselves in that hole.  They want all the benefits of Salvation but reject the obligations and responsibilities that receiving His Divine Grace requires.  They embrace the gracious gifts of God such as love, forgiveness and blessings even going so far as to call Him their Savior yet they reject the call to righteousness which requires repentance from sin.  So, just as I asked you if the miners would have been saved had they refused to get into the capsule, are these "Christians" saved?  They'll tell you that they are.

God is calling them to get into the capsule and come out of their sin and thus have their sin flee from them. This is what the grace of God does in your life.  This is why the Gospel is liberty to the captives of sin, vs. liberty for the captives to sin more.   It draws you out of that old life.  In fact that old life disgusts you more and more as you get closer to Jesus.  This grace allows you follow Him to the only true life there is and by doing this, grace causes sin to flee from you because you have rejected it as a lifestyle and master. This is something we cannot do alone and the reason why we need God's grace daily and the help of the Holy Spirit.   When you choose to follow Jesus, you agree to become an Ambassador for Christ. That means you choose His will for your life, and leave your will behind. You choose obedience to God over obedience to yourself.  It doesn't mean you are suddenly perfect in all your actions, but provides forgiveness of sin you are truly sorry for committing as you continue your walk in faith. God knows we are not perfect and His grace makes allowances for this as we learn to imitate the life of Jesus. 
There is a grace being preached as doctrine which states that grace has done it all; paid the price for our sins for all time, and there is nothing we have to do but console ourselves with grace and go on with our lives as the sinners we are.  This is a fraudulent grace stripped of it's soul-saving power, stripped of the cross, stripped of Christ.  It preaches the love and forgiveness of God without requiring recognition, condemnation and repentance of sin or obligation to follow and obey Christ.  It is man justifying himself for and in his sins simply by saying, " God loves me, I'm forgiven" even as he keeps on sinning.  This false grace is an enemy to God, and a very slippery slope which hardens the heart to sin to the point where one no longer receives the gracious call of God. It sears the conscience to the place where one hardly recognizes their own sin but is quick to judge everyone else's.  Jesus had a word for these people in His day: hypocrites. Obviously the problem isn't new.  Unfortunately, these are the people who are harming the faith by their disobedience to God.   They fool people who have never seen true followers of Christ with their Christianese and charity.  They confuse baby Christians with their self-justification of sin and lofty talk.  This "Christian" lacks all spiritual discernment, humility, mercy, meekness, and godly love among other fruits of the Spirit.  They are instead faithless, arrogant, greedy, selfish, insolent and boastful.  They are that person whom you know something isn't quite right with but everytime you try to help them see it, they either say you are persecuting them for their faith or are angry that you are judging them.  These never answer with a repentant heart because they are never guilty.  Again, "God loves them, they are forgiven."  And Again, absurdity!  They are deceived.

Hebrews 10:26-31 says If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful
expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. Anyone who rejected the law of Moses died without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. How much more severely do you think a man deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God under foot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified him, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace? For we know him who said, "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"and again, "The Lord will judge his people." It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.  Hebrews 6:4-6 says  For it is impossible to bring back to repentance those who were once enlightened—those who have experienced the good things of heaven and shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the power of the age to come— and who then turn away from God. It is impossible to bring such people back to repentance; by rejecting the Son of God, they themselves are nailing him to the cross once again and holding him up to public shame.

Scripture is clear that there is a point of no return to God.  At this point, God warns us to stay away from such "Christians."  They profane the Lord with their behavior, corrupt the faith of all who partake of their folly and trample the precious blood of Jesus as if it has no value.     1 Corinthians 5: 9-13 says  I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.   What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside?  God will judge those outside. "Expel the wicked man from among you."

God is not mocked.  Heaven will not be full of hypocrites.  They may fool some people on the Earth but they are the ones for whom this scripture is written.  Matthew 7: 21-23  "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'  And again, 1 Corinthians 6:9-11  Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

It's time to wake up and realize WHO God is calling us to be and WHAT He is asking of us.  It's time to purify your faith in Him remembering what He has done to save you.  His yoke is easy compared to the yoke of the world.  I hear His Divine Grace calling out through the miners experience to whosoever will answer. It's time to wake our hearts up, take inventory of where we stand with Him; whether that be in the light of the Son rejoicing in the our understanding of "I once was lost but now am found, was blind, but now I see." Or are we still in the pit pondering whether or not to enter the capsule. It won't wait forever.  Scripture is very clear on that.
Joel 3:
Multitudes, multitudes
in the valley of decision!

For the day of the LORD is near

in the valley of decision.