In the middle of Angus's visit, our friend Monty pulled up unannounced.
We have known Monty over 12 years now. He must have been 18 years old at the time we met him. Mark and Monty shared the same employer for about four years and Monty would often stop by after work to visit or have dinner with our family. He reminded me a lot of my brother. They looked a lot alike, sounded alike; he had the same monotone voice when he didn't know you well and always when he talked on the phone. Also some similar personality characteristics. He was always extremely polite when coming into our home and around our kids. Always very appreciative. Once he got to know you, he could be quite articulate and funny but at first, he seemed pretty dry. When we moved from the trailer to this house in 2000, Monty helped us move. It was a horrible job that he did without complaint over several days. Whenever Mark needed an extra hand, Monty was there
Monty spent most of his teenage years bouncing from house to house, or as it truly was, from someones garage to someone else's garage. His parents basically decided they didn't want to be parents to him anymore when he was 13 or 14. Sometime in 2001, Monty found out he was losing his current garage and Mark asked me if I would mind if he came to live with us.......in the house. We don't have a garage.
A part of me always felt sorry for Monty just as a part of me always felt sorry for my brother. When he was alive, I was never quite certain exactly why I felt sympathy for my brother, only that I did. Over ten years have elapsed since he was killed now and I suppose more life experience on my part has made me really aware of exactly why I felt sad for him. I believe my brother always felt he was misunderstood and undervalued and because of his poor vision, he was often taken advantage of. So, he always had to be better and do things bigger to be noticed and appreciated. He would have given you the shirt off his back and was a top employee at every place he worked. But, I don't think he was ever truly satisfied with anything he did. I'm certain he was never comfortable in his own skin.
He always said that he knew he wouldn't live very long so he might as well have lots of fun. He was never married and never had kids. He did have one serious relationship that seemed to fizzle out. I found out from the girlfriend at his funeral that she had cheated on him and knew she broke his heart. I would venture to guess that this was the straw that broke him because knowing that fact and approximately the timing of it, it was shortly there after that he took up alcohol. Previous to that, he wouldn't touch it and would shame anyone who did in his presence. Sadly, he never reached out to anyone who could help and put up a good pretense that everything was fine; something he learned all too well from my parents who pretended their marriage was fine for the majority of it, when it most definitely wasn't. I believe that the Lord chose to rescue my brother from his brokenness, yes, through this tragedy. It was the tragedy that brought out the truth of what was really going on in his life. He certainly didn't share it. It was the tragedy that proved he was drinking which was a very new thing in his life. The very thing he despised was what he turned to for solace. Only God knew the brokenness in his heart and I believe only He could fix that at that point. It's utterly awful to think about all the pain he must have held inside and it haunted me for years thinking back on lost opportunities. The biggest tragedy to come out of a tragedy is to not analyse it and learn from it. It's painful but necessary for complete healing. The
very first sign I received from Samuel after he went to Heaven had my brother's hand prints all over it. That made it very very special to me.
When my brother died at age 28, he was renting a room in someone's house but for different reasons than Monty. My brother worked several jobs, owned his own landscaping business, etc, but wanted to spend as little as possible on housing and as much as possible on toys like jet skis, snow mobiles, and car stereos. Monty had an older car with a nice loud stereo and a big screen TV when he came to live with us. His belongings fit in one bedroom. He needed someone to help him get a leg up in the world, someone who knew he deserved a chance in this life. We were happy to do that. In helping him, it was like helping my brother. I wasn't about to let the opportunity slip by. I never regretted the decision.
We agreed on a small rent cost which basically covered his food. We allowed him to help around the house and yard to work off the rent so most of the time, we never took his money. At that time, we had a rehab loan taken out on this house and the repairs had to be completed in a certain amount of time. Monty ended up helping us finish it. There wasn't a day he wasn't out helping Mark get things done around here. He gave up his Friday nights to stay home with our kids so we could have a night out. He was the only one we ever allowed to sit with the kids other than family until Samuel got sick. There was no Samuel at this time however.
Monty became a family member when he moved in. The neighbors asked if he was Mark's brother so I guess that says a lot. Monty wasn't confined to his room, like a "renter," or separated from our family when he lived here. Mark has always said Monty is like a younger brother to him. Mark never had a brother. Monty is like a younger brother to me as well. We refereed to him as Uncle Monty to the kids. Mark and Monty carpooled to work together and then happily came home to a nice dinner I had prepared for all of us. I totally enjoyed spoiling them with homemade breads, cookies, pies, and luscious dinners. Monty once told me that when he got married, he was going to bring his wife over for cooking lessons. We then sat for hours talking and laughing about their day's events. It was so easy and enjoyable because he appreciated it. Appreciation makes all the difference in the world to me. When Samuel thanked me for taking care of him and helping him to get better, those words from a five year old melted my heart like butter and are forever embedded in my consciousness. It is so easy to say thank you to someone and mean it. I have become even more conscious of being appreciative to God because I am certain that like me, appreciation makes Him want to do more and more too.
Monty lived with us about 6 months and in that time, he was able to get his finances together enough to rent an apartment which was a big step up from renting a garage. He moved out just as I found I was pregnant with Samuel. It was time. He needed to do some living and some learning that he wasn't able to fully do when he was here. He bought us a waffle iron as a parting gift, and he didn't have to, but the intent was still appreciation. And we appreciated it. We visited his new place which unfortunately ended up being near Seattle. So we didn't see him as often and as I said, he had some lessons (hard ones) to learn as well over the next many years time. When Samuel was born, Monty brought him his first duck. A rubber ducky for the tub. He thought all kids should have a rubber ducky. Trust me, when he has his first son, I will be bringing him a duck AND a dino because I think all boys should have a duck and a dino too.
After Monty moved out, we worried about him for years. I prayed for him a lot. He has taken some licks in life and I do feel that if his parents hadn't bailed on him, that perhaps some of his problems would not have been problems at all. Or maybe they would have been different problems, just look at my brother's example. I do know this; for six months he lived with a family that loved him and treated him as one of their own regardless of his youthful behavior. One day when he was still living here, I sat him down and told him about how my brother was killed. I told him he needed to think about his life. I told him I was not going to be pleased to go to another funeral like my brother's. Monty knows he reminds me of my brother and took kindly to this little heart to heart chat. It made an impression. He hasn't lost heart or the truly unique person that he is in the process of growing up and learning. He's coming along nicely for it though when I say process, I mean years. Patience is a virtue.
Monty and Mark found different employers as the years have passed. Monty ended up a top employee everywhere he went and gained enough experience in construction that he now owns his own company. He gives Mark full credit for his excellent work ethic and I am certain that is why he finds work in this terrible economy. He married a nice young lady last year and now has a real house that is all his to live in only 15 miles from us
. Saturday afternoon, he drove up in this...
Looks a little out of place in our neighborhood, LOL!
He has had this car for 8 years now tinkering and toying around with it, putting wads of cash (he'll never get back out of it) into it to sup it up well beyond need. I understand and appreciate his desire to have something nice especially given his childhood woes. It is a beautiful car! All the time he has had it, I had never seen it until Saturday because it was never running quite right, or in pieces in his garage. He asked me if I wanted to go for a ride to which I was thinking, "I know how you drive." I said, "I don't know, I probably need to live for a few more years." Mark tells me Monty will drive nice, he knows better. I guess Monty really wanted me to take a ride because he asked me until I said yes. This car has 400hp. I have never been in anything that went that fast and my mom drives a Corvette. Kaysha was asking me what riding a roller coaster was like and I told her first you scream and then you laugh. You laugh because you screamed. And then you do it all over again. That was just like riding in this car. Except I didn't scream, I just laughed and then prayed . And he didn't go over the speed limit, let's just say he can reach speed limits in a few seconds time all the while your head is pinned to the head rest. I asked him if he has ever let anyone else drive this car to which he said no. I told him, "Don't ever let anyone drive it. They will kill themselves." The similarities weren't lost of me either. Fast race car, my brother, driver loses control, cement embankment, smashed skull, death. Only thing missing from this equation was alcohol and let's just say, Monty has learned a good hard lesson with alcohol though again, it's been a process. He's growing up. God has taken care of him whether he realizes it or not. He's a good guy and I have no doubt that if something happened to Mark, Monty would step in and help me however I needed him to. I figure the next giant leap in "growing up" he will take will be when he has his own little ones.......which is probably not too far off.
But I realized in the moment right after I got out of the car that I missed an opportunity. I couldn't help but think that in a car like that, it would only take one tiny mistake by him or someone else to take his life. And while he has taken all these giant steps to overcome so many challenges from his past, none of that would matter if he was killed on the way home. None of it would matter if he didn't make certain where he would spend his eternity. I have never been one to shove Jesus down someone's throat. I tend to lean more toward being a living example but I realized in those moments that if I am probably the only one who will speak the Name of Jesus to him. I might be the only one he would listen to. When I think about what to say, I think of Delma. She always had a way of talking about Jesus and eternity that planted the seeds and let you decide for yourself. She never lost friends or respect for it because she was a living example.
After my ride, he took Mark for a ride. I asked him if he would mind if I took a few pictures of him and his car. I doubt he has any or even thought of it. I realized as I got the camera out that I have no pictures of Monty at all.
And look, he actually smiled for the camera! I think I got a rare keeper with this one.
As he was heading out, he shook Mark's hand (as always) and then walked over and gave me a hug (which is a first). Bittersweet. I don't think I ever hugged my brother as an adult. It was like hugging him.
Monty said he might stop by next weekend with his car again. Be assured, I will not miss another opportunity. Will you pray for Monty's heart to be open to a "Delma special?" I can just hear her, "You know now, if something bad happens while you are driving this car, anything, you can call out to Jesus and He will come. Now you remember that."
