Deliberately in Love

God chose the birthday of my beloved to be 40 some-odd years ago yesterday, approximately 4.5 years before my birth.   While I was making his birthday feast yesterday, I couldn't help but ponder whether God had knit Mark together with me in mind, or if He had knit me together a few years later for Mark; as if the answer to that question really makes any difference in the grand scheme of things.  (like the chicken and the egg dilemma)  The conclusion I came away with is the one I always come away with when I think of Mark; I don't know where I'd be today, much less who I'd be today, if God hadn't planted Mark into my life, as my beloved husband. He fulfills me and he frees me, all at that same time.   Not a day goes by that I don't stop and marvel, at least once but usually many times, at the incredible blessing our relationship is.  In spite of all the hardships we have endured, our relationship remains fresh, vibrant, exciting,  thoughtful, gracious, joyful and brimming with love.

These are qualities people we encounter notice and comment on.  We receive their words always as a compliment.   Many simply say, "You guys sure have something special."  Others tell me, "I cannot ___ with my husband the way you ____ with Mark."  (There are a multitude of ways to fill in those blanks but the majority of comments have to do with communication)   One of my favorite comments came about a year and a half ago from a man we met through a business transaction.  He assumed we were newlyweds and was shocked to find out that we'd been married over 14 years.  He said, "Wow!  You guys act like newlyweds.  My wife and I act, well, old."  

As I give thanks for Mark's birth and place in my life, it seems fitting to receive yet another comment/compliment - from Daniel.   He was trying to annoy Kaysha the other day by telling me she said she was "madly in love" with a boy down the street.  I can always tell Daniel is lying making stuff up because his tone of voice changes and he cannot hide the goofy grin on his face so I asked him, "So what do you know about 'madly in love'?" That took him aback for a second.  He's the kid who likes to test whatever the latest slang is and most of the time, he doesn't even think about what it means before he says it.  I have found that nothing stops his childish blabbering like some adult questioning so I pressed him further. "Just who do you know that is 'madly in love'?"

"Uh," he stammered, "well, I know you and Dad are madly in love."

"And who else do you know that is 'madly in love' like we are?"

A few seconds elapse before he says, "No one."

While for Daniel, this little conversation was just another lesson to file under "diarrhea mouth" (a term my 6th grade teacher used to fondly call idle foolish chatter/gossip) for me this offered a rare glimpse of his impression of us as a couple, not as his parents.  It's a nice thing when people we meet remark positively about our relationship but it's a huge blessing when our kids notice.  Unlike the adults, they are still impressionable, and more than that, no one knows you like the people who live with you.  Your kids know what you are like when there's no "audience."   That said, I remember my parents' marriage vividly and let's just say they were NOT 'madly in love.'  Mad at each other often, yes.  In love, no.   I always promised myself growing up that I'd never live in or foster that kind of environment, and I don't.   I'm thankful to God each day that He has fulfilled this desire of my heart so wonderfully. 
I know that our Heavenly Father is the giver of good gifts; gifts which He gives to all who live on Earth.  (Luke 11:13, James 1:7)   It is after all, His goodness that draws us to Him. (Romans 2:4)   Once we've received any gift from Him however, it is up to us to care for it properly in order to receive benefit (blessing) from it, or to benefit (bless) others because of it. (Matthew 25:14-28)  Blessings do not result out of ignorance, carelessness or woeful disobedience.  These behaviors result instead in the revocation of the original gifts.  (Matthew 25:29)

The other side of the promise in Matthew 25:29 is multiplied blessings for he who uses his gifts from God wisely.  Obedience = blessing. As I daily count the blessings I receive from my marriage and marvel at how they've seemed to multiply faster and faster each year, I only need to read this scripture to understand why.  God gave us the gift of each other and to fall 'madly in love' (that is such a stupid phrase)  is easy.  To stay 'madly in love' requires deliberate effort. 

I would not say we are 'madly in love' but instead "deliberately in love."  We have gotten out of our marriage exactly what we have sown into it. Our treasured relationship is the result of years of deliberate actions to nurture, to bless, and to build up.  Deliberate efforts to communicate effectively, to forgive and to compromise. I could continue the list for many lines but I believe the most important "deliberate" is to do everything together.  It's impossible to "grow apart" when you cleave together. 

Every year I mark where we are in our relationship as certain anniversaries come and go and every year I always end with "I just cannot imagine this could be any better" and a year later, I eat those words because we continue to grow closer, stronger, and more deeply fulfilled.  I cannot imagine my life without Mark in it.  I would not want to.  On that note, I think I'll start a new trend and write that I cannot wait to experience another year's worth of blessings from faithfully cleaving to my beloved.

Song of Solomon 5:10-16
 My beloved is dazzling, with a dark and healthy complexion, outstanding among ten thousand.  His head is pure gold, his hair is wavy, black like a raven.  His eyes are like doves by streams of water, bathed in milk, mounted like jewels.  His cheeks are like beds of spices, like towers of perfume. His lips are lilies, dripping with liquid myrrh.  His hands are rods of gold, set with beryl. His stomach is carved ivory, inlaid with sapphires.  His legs are pillars of marble set on bases of pure gold. His appearance is like Lebanon, choice like its cedars.His mouth is sweetness, and all of him is desirable. This is my beloved, this is my friend.


Happy Birthday to my beloved who is also my best friend.
With all my love,
Jen