Advice on Cancer Treatment

I've recently "met" a family online whose two year old child was diagnosed with leukemia earlier this year.  After suffering some unpredicted side effects of chemo that led to numerous surgeries to correct the issue (that still remains an issue), the family has decided to discontinue chemo and pursue Chinese medicine as the primary cancer treatment for their child.  (Yeah!!!)   Thankfully, they live in a country that doesn't force poison treatments if the family refuses.  However, because chemotherapy is still considered the only "cure" for cancer, they have found they don't have much support for their decision so I'm grateful that they found me (and they are too) since refusing chemo, in the eyes of most, is regarded as choosing to voluntarily allow your child to die. 

Nothing could be farther from the truth.

"Just save his life.  Worry about the consequences later."  This was the advice given to me by my dad AFTER Samuel survived all the initial complications of chemo and we were agonizing over how to proceed "treating" his leukemia without killing him or doing more damage to his fragile body.   My dad's advice is the advice of the majority and we heard it often.   "Cure" the cancer and worry about the consequences of that cure down the road.  The thing was, the consequences for Samuel, unlike the majority of kids getting chemo, were already upon us and they were devastating.  They weren't saved for five to ten years down the road and on top of that, we had little help managing them because they were simply unheard of.    Yet, we were still asked by our "caregivers"  if it was fair to Samuel to go through all those miserable side effects that nearly killed him and then NOT treat his cancer leaving him a "ticking time bomb for relapse."  As if cancer was somehow worse than the horrible consequences of "the cure for cancer" he would have to live with the rest of his life.  (The consequences that consequently ended up costing him his life.)

These people absolutely refused to recognize what was right in front of them; chemo is poison and our child's body was having a normal reaction to poison. It was being destroyed. It was dying. Not being "cured." Maybe other children were doing okay (and I use "okay" here loosely) and perhaps other children will be "cured" *(meaning live five years beyond their diagnosis date 2-3.5 years of which would be "lived" undergoing chemo), but the fact remains that that child will suffer many long-term consequences from treatment, one of which is that they will be much more prone to cancer, until the day they die.

So our question back to these people was, was it fair to put him through the now known torture of chemo given the horrors he had already endured, and the far worse things that were sure to happen to him if we continued, with no guarantee of a life long cure?  Was living with cancer really so much worse than the supposed cure?  The answer to these questions was rhetorical at that time.  I continually battled doctors who were willing to ignore or play down every visible side effect from chemo Samuel suffered in order to justify continued poisoning.

Cancer, as well as any other devastating long term illness or physical handicap, does one thing especially well; it reveals the motivations that reside deepest, not only in your heart, but in the hearts of those who surround you.   In Luke 6:45, Jesus says, "The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart."   Jesus warned us to speak carefully, Matthew 12:37, "For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” As more and more time elapses, I see the underlying motivations of the thinking and advice of all parties (us included) much clearer.   Considering that we live in a Biblically illiterate, self-fulfilling, godless world, it is no great revelation that the majority of advice we received was rooted in pride.  What has become of "do unto others" or "love your brother as yourself." (Luke 6:31 Luke 10:27)  The Golden Rule has become a foreign concept and one which sadly, the few who still cling to it, are scoffed at for.

"Cure his cancer," was spoken as if WE or THEY had the power to cure it. (we saw how well that worked out) As if chemo was Samuel's only hope for life. Please.....poison was his only hope? How do people still not see the err in this? I find all this sickening today for a variety of reasons that can all be summed up as follows; only God can cure cancer and only God controls who lives or dies.  We do not "own" and thus have little control over the destiny of our lives or our children's lives. God rules.  We do not.  It really doesn't get any more simple than that yet very few want to admit reality.  Ever wonder why that is? (Hint: Genesis 3:5)  I wonder if there'd be less cancer if we could just figure this out and live like it.

"Worry about the consequences later." While I knew "cure his cancer" was wrong when I heard it spoken, the deeply-seeded error wasn't as obvious to me initially as the error in second part of this advice was.  This statement has got to be one of the most selfish things you could say in regard to someone elses body.  As someone who has been legally blind since birth, I've experienced first hand how easy it is for people to dismiss the reality, severity and complexity of my handicap because it does not directly affect them and it was nothing compared to what Samuel was facing.  It was this statement that not only deeply angered me, but also fully awakened me to how I needed to make decisions as well as participate in Samuel's care.  I know God overlooked many of my mistakes in Christianity (love covers a multitude of sins 1 Peter 4:8) during that time because I chose to listen and obey the still small voice in my heart that cried out for compassion, empathy and quality of life for Samuel vs. listening to the doctors who cried out for poison, poison and more poison. (and some even implied I was a bad mother for choosing quality of life vs. "cure" and boy do I have a scripture for them.  James 4:17, It is sin to know what you ought to do and still not do it.  In the end we all have to answer to God.  How many easily dismiss that truth?)  As we all know, pride goes before a fall and God did not disappoint. (Proverbs 16:18)  How many times did God allow our "caregivers" to remain confounded and useless while He led us to the solutions for Samuel's many problems. (1 Corinthians 1:20-27)  You know, little things like getting his leukemia in remission without any chemo...

I don't write these things to puff myself up with pride.  They are matter of fact.  They happened by God's hand.  There isn't a day I don't look back and marvel at some of the things He allowed us to accomplish - me to accomplish.   But even so, after all was said and done, and Samuel died anyway, I wondered what the point of it all was.  The things we accomplished, the things we learned about diet and cancer were meaningless and easily dismissed by anyone and everyone without Samuel as living proof.  Yet, sometime in the second year after Samuel's death, the importance of the knowledge we gained quickly paled in comparison to the continued revelation of Samuel's love.  The love that gave us all the strength, the will, and the endurance to never give up no matter how terrible and futile things looked, no matter what the world said or thought of us, until God made it clear that it was over.  The love led to miracles.  Surely 1 Corinthians 13:7-8 is proven.  Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. It is, in fact, the one thing that still stands when all else has fallen. 

Our society assigns inordinate value to the things of this world which will be meaningless in eternity.  (Luke 16:15)  People live as if the accomplishments in this life are the be all end all and the only reward we get.   Thus, they live their lives as if this one life, is all we get.   Death is their ultimate enemy.  They are willing to do whatever it takes to stay alive as well as keep those who are in their control, alive as well.  No matter the cost.  This is what Jesus said will happen to people who love this one life, "He who loves his life will lose it." (John 12:25-26)  He goes on, "he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.  If anyone serves Me, let him follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also. If anyone serves Me, him My Father will honor."  We are to love and serve God.  Not ourselves in this life.  (Mark 8:35-38)  It is the reality of Heaven and eternity that made the scare tactics of Samuel's "caregivers" who often said, "if he doesn't finish his chemo, he will die," a useless weapon to force us to do their will. Death, for the Child of God, is gain.  (Philippians 1:21)  Samuel gained eternal life and he lives in the fullness of love and joy. Very occasionally, he is somehow allowed to shower me with that love and joy so that I am reminded that I chose the only real life there is for him.  It is that love and the knowledge that every decision I made for Samuel was motivated by that love, that allows joy to overcome the sorrow of our separation.  That love reassures me that I always chose "life" for Samuel and that was all God asked of me.  This knowledge brings me much peace and joy today.

7.5 years have passed since "cancer" reared its ugly head in our lives.  In that time, way too many of the children I came to know have either relapsed or died.  Of the ones who are still living, every single one carries a physical reminder of cancer with them in the form of "long term side effects."  They and their families are continually haunted by the fear of relapse and so I question - who is better off?  The families who have lost children, the families who are still slaves to the cancer system, or the families who whose lives are crippled by the fear of relapse?  My answer to that question is that the ones who are better off are those who walked through the trial of "cancer" remaining faithful to that still small voice in their heart (Jesus), no matter what the advice of the world was, no matter how difficult the ordeal was and no matter what the outcome was. 

That said, the above has been my main advice to this family who has contacted me.  In the grand scheme of things, the choice of their child's cancer treatment, the outcome of their child's cancer treatment and any knowledge they gain along the way, will not be of any comfort to them when all has been said and done if they did not listen to the still small voice in their heart that is trying to guide them toward decisions motivated by Agape.  I cannot make those choices for them nor will I violate their conscience.  The direction God asked us to walk may not be the direction He asks others to walk.  They must choose the path they will travel for themselves and they must live with those choices.   I can pray for them.  I can come alongside them in spirit and in prayer and I can ask you to do the same.  The little girl's name is Megan.  Will you pray for her and her family with me as they navigate this?

What I offer them and you is advice from my overall experience.  The heart's satisfaction and peace in this life is not gauged by whether we win or lose, live a long life or die young.   God alone decides these things and we do not.  What we can decide, what we can control, is how we live our life.  Will we obey or disobey Him?  Will we be faithful in the small things as well as the large things? Or will we cave to worldly pressure?   (Luke 16:10)   It is only by our faithfulness and obedience to Him that we gain satisfaction and peace in our hearts no matter the outcome of our circumstances. 
Psalm 34
I will praise the Lord at all times.
I will constantly speak his praises.
I will boast only in the Lord;
let all who are helpless take heart.
Come, let us tell of the Lord’s greatness;
let us exalt his name together.
I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me.
He freed me from all my fears.
Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy;
no shadow of shame will darken their faces.
In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened;
he saved me from all my troubles.
For the angel of the Lord is a guard;
he surrounds and defends all who fear him.
Taste and see that the Lord is good.
Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!
Fear the Lord, you his godly people,
for those who fear him will have all they need.
Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry,
but those who trust in the Lord will lack no good thing.
Come, my children, and listen to me,
and I will teach you to fear the Lord.
Does anyone want to live a life
that is long and prosperous?
Then keep your tongue from speaking evil
and your lips from telling lies!
Turn away from evil and do good.
Search for peace, and work to maintain it.
The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right;
his ears are open to their cries for help.
But the Lord turns his face against those who do evil;
he will erase their memory from the earth.
The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help.
He rescues them from all their troubles.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted;
he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
The righteous person faces many troubles,
but the Lord comes to the rescue each time.
For the Lord protects the bones of the righteous;
not one of them is broken!
Calamity will surely overtake the wicked,
and those who hate the righteous will be punished.
But the Lord will redeem those who serve him.
No one who takes refuge in him will be condemned.