Unfortunately, many misunderstand the kind of love being spoken of here. Love's true meaning as set by God has been diluted, confused and twisted by human logic which wants to base what love is on conditions, personal life experiences and preferences. Our dictionary lists over 10 meanings for love when used as a noun and more than five when used as a verb so it's no wonder "love" is thrown out so loosely and its God ordained attributes are not included in any dictionary.
According to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, God's love is a verb, an action, or as you'll see here, many many actions. Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Now compare God's definition of love to our dictionary definition of love as a verb. 1. to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her. 2. to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person). 3. to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to love music. 4. to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight. 5. to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover. 6. to have sexual intercourse with.
Is it just me - or does God's definition of love feel whole and tangible while our dictionary's definition feels vague and empty? Which kind of love as it's been defined here would you want? I'm pretty sure I can guess.
The Greek language does a little better job of defining love than English does. They use three different words for love. They are storge, eros and philia. Storge is the word used for family affection. Eros is used most often for sexual love/lust. Philia is the warmest Greek word for love and is often used for one's dearest and truest friends. While each of these loves are important in life, they are all missing an important element which God introduces in the Bible as agape. Agape is what brings fullness, immense joy and satisfaction to any or all of these loves.
Agape {ah-gah-pey} is also a Greek word which at one time, was not ordinarily used for love. It's meaning is: to esteem, to regard with favor, good will, benevolence. Agape is the will to always unconditionally act on behalf of the well-being of another. It is selfless and sacrificial, not conditional. It is always there and regardless of situation, status, acceptance, or rejection, it is always extended. It is a love that is offered to all, the entire world, unconditionally. Unconditional love does not seek to control us but instead frees us to be exactly who we are at any given moment. That freedom allows us to respond to it, whether negatively or positively, from the heart.
Agape is not a passing emotion, but a permanent devotion. As such, it is not a normal part of human nature but instead a spiritual gift from God. Human nature seeks to satisfy self first and bases all decisions for "love" on passing emotions, expectations, presumptions, conditions and current circumstances. It is very nearsighted in it's view. It doesn't want to be uncomfortable, unhappy, or sacrificial. It believes love is replaceable so if one grows unhappy in a relationship, they seek to replace it with another. There is no commitment, no purpose, no unity, and no breadth to life when lived this way. Thus all the dictionary definitions of love appear empty because without agape, they have no useful substance. They are simply fleeting emotions, here one day, gone the next. Untrustworthy.
God is Agape and agape originates from God. The Bible is a book that teaches Agape however humans are not born with this nature nor can it be self-generated. Agape, will only begin to manifest in us when we get to know and love God. It is received from God's Spirit living in us which comes only after one repents from sin and accepts Jesus as Savior. (Jesus came to save sinners, not those who trust in their "goodness." Humility is the key here.)
We come to know God just as we come to know humans, by experiencing life together. Experiencing life with God begins by learning, understanding and practicing His commandments. 1 John 2:3-6 says By this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments. The one who says, “I have come to know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him; but whoever keeps His word, in him the love of God has truly been perfected. By this we know that we are in Him: the one who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked.
Loving God is also linked to obeying His commandments. This obedience is not "works" done out of duty, condition, things hoped for or fear, but instead this obedience is accomplished by agape. By us submitting to God inside us. Jesus says in John 14:23-24,""If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him. He who does not love Me does not keep My words; and the word which you hear is not Mine but the Father's who sent Me." He adds in John 15:10, "If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love (agape), just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love (agape)."
God's Word says that His children are to agape Him and also goes a step further requiring us to agape our neighbors as ourselves for that is the evidence that we are indeed His children and not of the world. This unique love is to be shown to even those who are hard to love, who use us, and even hate us. Our "enemies." Anyone in the world can love when love comes easily. It is when love becomes difficult that a true Christian's agape will shine forth and set them apart from the worldly. In Matthew 5:43-48, Jesus says “You have heard that it was said, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect."
Note that agape does not mean we become a doormat for those who hate us. It does mean we do not seek revenge but instead peace. We bless and not curse. We pray for them and move on with our lives as peacefully as our adversary makes possible. In Romans 12:16-18, Paul reminds us to be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation. Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. According to scripture, revenge is rooted in pride and an obedient child of God cannot be prideful. God will avenge what needs to be avenged but His Children are called to live in peace. In Jesus's words, Matthew 5:9, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God."
My children are often asking me what to do about "so and so" who intentionally does mean things to them. Mark tells them to be friendly saying, "I've always found it's easier to try to be friends with people, perhaps said person just needs a friend. If that doesn't work, then ignore them as much as is possible." But this is SO HARD for them because their normal human nature wants to retaliate. This is where the "practice" of God's commandments is beneficial. They know God does not approve of what they want to do, but making the choice to go against their very nature is often a stumbling block. Do it wrong enough times and you learn that being ugly to someone being ugly solves nothing. The kids have figured out this part at least. I remind them that they can only affect their own behavior, not someone elses. They can choose to keep themselves blameless before God by obeying His commandments in the situation, or they can be even more guilty of breaking His commandments than their adversary because they knew what was right and sinned anyway. They are still in the "getting to know God" process, and that's fine. There is much grace for them and us. Getting to know Him means testing His commandments often getting them wrong many times. Once we finally get them right and experience good results, obedience becomes much quicker, easier and eventually second nature.
When my children first started having conflicts with other children (a few years ago) I told them about the most striking occasion where I followed God's commandment and reaped the benefits of it immediately and then for many years to follow.
Mark and I lived in a mobile home park for six years before moving into the home we live in now. The landlord of this park was not a very nice lady at all. The only time she came around was if you did something wrong and rather than being friendly or even slightly pleasant in asking you to correct whatever the current complaint was, she was a total hag. She would literally stand on your front porch and scream at you. Scream! And she'd be so upset that the words she spoke made very little sense. The residents of the park hated her and were equally as rude to her as she was to them. She had only visited our trailer a couple times but in so doing, I became well aware that the rumors about her nastiness were entirely true.
One particular day, there was an angry knock on the door during the afternoon when Kaysha and Daniel were taking their nap. They were around age 3 and 1 at the time. My front door was located within five feet of their bedroom door and the minute I opened it, she started screaming at me. I wasn't even sure why, she wasn't making much sense. What I was sure of was that I did not want her screaming to wake up the kids and frighten them. I quickly considered my options. One was to come out on the porch and close the door so I could scream back at her. The other was to invite her in and see if being kind to someone who treated you with contempt really worked.
When she stopped to take a breath, I told her that I didn't really understand the issues she had, that I had just made a pot of coffee and would she like to come in and sort the matter out. Her whole attitude changed immediately, night and day. She accepted the invitation, came in, sat down, had a cup of coffee and we talked.....in a normal tone of voice. One that never woke up the kids. And I could understand her too. The matter, as it happened, wasn't entirely about me or Mark, but instead in regard to his sister who had "run away with an Internet boyfriend" and left the rent unpaid for over a year. She came to our trailer because it had formerly been Mark's sister's trailer and we were currently living in it. Both trailers were owned by Mark's family but there was still the matter of the lot rent left unpaid after she vacated. I told her that I was unaware of the unpaid rent and would contact Mark's parents and have them call her to make arrangements. After that we just chatted about other things and she eventually left. Mark's parents did what was required on their end and all was well thereafter.
I wondered if that incident and her niceness was just a fluke but it wasn't. After that, whenever I saw her out and about, she was always friendly. Mark and I wanted to make some improvements to the land we were living on and she approved everything we asked for. We wanted to get a dog and she had no issue with it. Didn't even charge us the "pet fee" as so many others had to pay. There was an instance where we came home one night very late on a Sunday night to find that our neighbors were having a "fiesta" complete with kids running around screaming and loud Spanish tubas blaring going strong at 2am. We had spent the day driving six hours to and fro to attend a family get-together at a lake house hosted by Mark's employer and everyone was grumpy and ready to sleep and yet, we could not. And we did try. I asked Mark if he thought it would be awful to call the landlord and complain. He had to work the next day so he did not think it was a bad idea. That was her job and we both knew she still enjoyed yelling at people, just not at us anymore. So I called her, waking her up, apologizing immediately, then asked her if she could put an end to it. Within ten minutes, she was there and in fifteen minutes, it was ended.
There was another instance where our neighbors had a lot of traffic coming in and out (drug traffic - which is one of the reasons we moved) and one of those people backed their van into our trailer. No, really! It felt like an earthquake. The lights dimmed and the whole house moved. It took us a few moments to figure out what had happened. I called her immediately and she was again there in ten minutes to scare them which was about all that could be done at that point. Luckily, there was no damage done to our trailer and the driver was long gone by the time she arrived. I found out later that she was able to finally evict them but it wasn't before we left.
There were many other instances where she showed a particular favor toward us as well. When we were ready to sell the trailer, I called her to let her know and she was genuinely happy for us. I asked her if she could write a letter to give to perspective mortgage lenders showing that we paid our rent on time for 12 months and she did it immediately. She also had to approve the buyers of our home and that went off without a hitch as well. We moved and I figured that'd be the last we'd see of her. The year was 2000.
Fast forward to September, 2004. There was a dinner/auction held locally to help raise money for Samuel's care at our local Eagles Club. Samuel had been home less than two months after suffering the greatest assault of his lifetime. He was still very frightened of people so I wasn't sure he and I going was that great an idea for him but felt it best we at least try to make a brief appearance. He wasn't walking yet so went in his stroller which I'm certain made him feel a bit helpless so I kept him always facing me and as much as possible; sheltered from everyone else because I knew they would stare. He had just had his VA shunt placed so had a freshly shaved place on his head and staples. He also had his nose tube. He looked just like this on that day down to the very clothing.
There was a guestbook which we received afterwards and in it, this is what she wrote. I have to admit that my mouth was agape (excuse the pun) when I read it.
1 Peter 3:8-12 - in Paul's words, "Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing. For “ He who would love life, And see good days, Let him refrain his tongue from evil, And his lips from speaking deceit. Let him turn away from evil and do good; Let him seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the LORD are on the righteous, And His ears are open to their prayers; But the face of the LORD is against those who do evil."
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