Ecclesiastes 7:8-10 says, The end of a thing is better than its beginning; The patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit. Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, For anger rests in the bosom of fools. Do not ask, “ Why were the former days better than these?” For you do not inquire wisely concerning this.
The end of a thing is better than it's beginning. God's logic, not the world's for sure. The end of a job never feels better than the beginning because it becomes the origin of uncertainty. If you choose to focus on worry instead of God, it's impossible to be patient and wait for what He has in store. It's also easy to get angry with God about what you thought He should have done, or should be doing now. Fear of the unknown leads to wishing for the days in the past where we were more sure of our future, even if that meant settling for something that even we can admit was not good for us. What we are really requesting here is a life where we can rely on ourselves more than God again. God says that this is not wise. After the initial shock of Mark's job loss wore off, (a few days time) we chose NOT to do any of these things.
I knew (and later shared with Mark) that I had been praying for a honeymoon for over a month's time and it appeared to me that my request had been granted - but quite a bit differently than I was imagining. (the difference being worldly vs. Biblical honeymoon.) With each passing day we trusted, with more and more amazement, that my prayer was being fulfilled in the most amazing way, a Biblical honeymoon, and the provision we would need to keep the bills paid would be there for however long it lasted. The choice to accept and fully depend on His provision has made this an incredibly healing and fulfilling time for us. Many who have been aware that Mark was unemployed have checked in on us along the way asking with some trepidation "how things are going" or "how we are doing." It's obvious they are waiting for a down-trodden, sullen or bitter answer because they hardly know what to say when Mark says this has been an amazing time and that we're thankful for it.
The "end of a thing" allows time to reflect upon it with the clarity of hindsight. God's works are always more apparent in the rear view. Mark's job abruptly ended and we had no doubt about how not good for him it had become well before he was released. Mark endured the job for the same reasons everyone else does; jobs are scarce in this economy and the kind of job we've always looked for (one with flexibility and good proximity since I cannot drive) is even harder to come by. Well, I'm so thankful God had other plans and forced them on us because that job added daily insult to the injury of Samuel's life and death upon Mark. Much more than we thought even as he was enduring it. Each day, Mark encountered other people's kids, either very sick or dying, many wards of the state without the benefit of parental love or an advocate. Absolutely heartbreaking and infuriating all at the same time. (How can people abandon their kids? I don't care what's wrong with them!) The burden of watching that with the sorrow of not having Samuel with us was more than a person should have to bear and was eating Mark alive. Literally. Shortly after Samuel went to Heaven, Mark started having sporadic GI issues that became more regular and horrible as time wore on in spite of herbal treatment. As it turned out, within a week of ending that job, 99% of those pesky issues vanished. Just like that! The 1% that remained, no longer stress related, responds to diet and herbs very well and now that we've had time to rest and watch his diet, we know the trigger of that 1% and avoid it (like the plague). His heart has been relieved of a great burden to be sure and as a result, his body has been healed too. Thank you, Jesus!
The end of our honeymoon is better than it's beginning. Proverbs 17:22b says that a broken spirit saps a person's strength and that sums up exactly how life felt to us at the beginning of this year. Mark and I were both feeling weary and just so trapped in our day to day life that it remained difficult to get anything more than the bare minimum accomplished around the house for lack of desire and energy. And our weariness was getting worse, not better. That has all changed. Don't get me wrong, our zeal for the worldly life isn't renewed at all. We're continually weary of the injustices on the Earth, the materiality, the suffering, the death, and the ongoing struggles of just living on Earth (while longing for Heaven). What is rejuvenated is our spirits and as a direct result of that, our bodies and minds. Proverbs 17:22a says that a cheerful heart is good medicine. And it is. The Lord removed the stressful burden from Mark's shoulders and the difference was immediate: night and day. Once that yoke was off Mark, the burden of sorrow I carried for him was also removed from my back and I felt much better as well. It took about a month for all of this to fully sink in but when it did we were free to fully enjoy what remained with the stress removed.
Do you know what remained?
Love.
Why, that was the whole point of the prayer for a honeymoon in the first place! To get back to the place where love reigned and everything else took a back seat to it as it rightly should. 1 Corinthians 13 stresses just how important love is saying that love is, in fact, the one thing that still stands when all else has fallen. It will be our grounding strength in all things good and bad if we make cultivating it a priority. And we should be doing just that. I fully understand what Paul means in Philippians 4:12-13, "For I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." And what is that strength? Love.
It's a blessing and a strength to all when you allow godly love to flow freely out of you but it's an even greater blessing and strength to you when God brings people into your life that not only accept that love as the tremendous blessing it is, but also return it. That love becomes a bond more precious than anything you could ever buy. Delma had it. It flowed like milk and honey so naturally out of her. Samuel had it. It may have been instilled in him from birth or it might have been born in a hospital room when his body was in a vegetative state and love was the only thing that sustained our hope and prayers that he'd recover as well as his will fight to live. At any rate, he loved as God does and the greatest losses in my life have been these two loves transported to Heaven before me.
Still, I have another such love in Mark and all three have the same love in me. I'd give up everything to have it - to keep it. Like the man in Matthew 13:44 who found the hidden treasure in the field and hid it before anyone else could find it before he could go out and sell all that he owned so he could buy it. Or like the merchant in Matthew 13:45 who found one pearl of great price, and went out and sold all that he owned to buy it. That's how I feel about these special loves God has put into my life. That's how I feel about the Lord.
According to 1 John 4:17, as we feel God's love being perfected in us, we grow more confident in our prayers being answered and less fearful of our standing before Him. 1 John 3:21-23 says, And if, dear friends of mine, when we realise this our hearts no longer accuse us, we may have the utmost confidence in God's presence. We receive whatever we ask for, because we are obeying his orders and following his plans. His orders are that we should put our trust in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and love one another. I truly know something as fact that I've merely suspected for a long time. God hears and answers prayers when you are first, obedient to Him and second, your heart's motivation in asking is purely love. My prayer was answered in a way far better than I ever expected I believe because it was motivated by love. And, I really didn't expect it to be answered at all - wishful thinking/praying, so imagine my surprise when I knew it was. I think we may look back years from now and ask, "Did that really happen?" because it will be even that much more an amazement in retrospect.
Our honeymoon accomplished in us far more than I could have imagined. While our physical bodies have certainly been strengthened, and while we definitely got many things accomplished around our home and for our family, the greatest fulfillment we have received in this seven months and seven days, has been in and from love; our love for each other and God's love for us (the knowledge that He'd really do what He did for us and the confidence that answered prayer brings me about my standing before Him) God's love is an amazing gift worth giving up every worldly ambition and material thing to obtain. It is one of the many benefits of being His Child.
We trusted that the Lord would provide a job for Mark when He wanted him to return to work that would give us the flexibility we needed for our family and be within a decent distance from our home. And so Mark started a new job this week; a job that one might say nearly fell out of the sky, but I won't say that. I know that you don't apply for a job at the University of WA with 60 other applicants, interview and get ranked #1, interview again with the "big boss" and still be ranked #1 without God's favor. It also helped that He had already installed two people into this job before Mark to "pave his way" if you will. There's a lot of flexibility, good benefits, and he is even given a 6 credit tuition grant each quarter if he wishes to attend classes there. His schedule will allow our family to have breakfast and lunch together before he leaves for the evening. Being able to share mornings and early afternoons together will in a sense, keep the ambiance of our honeymoon alive not to mention allow us to get things done during the week that when Mark worked a normal day shift, were left for weekends. So our weekends will continue to be free for more spirit refreshing activities such as hiking or just a Sunday drive vs. grocery shopping and such which, while still fun, doesn't refresh us nearly as deeply.
You might be wondering how our children fit into all this. They were all old enough to understand what it meant for Dad to lose his job especially in this economy. That news didn't thrill them. Daniel was most concerned and studied us daily for about a month before accepting that we were not perplexed about life and he shouldn't be either. I kept the honeymoon part of this a bit of a secret from them. At first, I wasn't even certain it was really happening and I've learned to wait patiently, with my lips sealed until I am sure what I will tell them is true. That said, I still haven't officially told them it was a special honeymoon. They've heard us call it that and seen our glowing faces but they're used to our lovey dovey antics... So we added the word honeymoon to the mix, and we giggled about it often, it's all over their heads at this point. They have no way of comprehending the factors that led me to praying that prayer so it's TMI for them at this point. One day I'll share it with them, when it will bless their own marriages, of course. At this point, what's important information for them to understand is that we serve an "Our Daily Bread Lord" and it's time we remember that and live like it. He meets our needs (not greeds) one day at a time. We live a simple frugal life, and we have for a very long time. We don't have unnecessary expenses and are teaching our children to live the same way. Less is truly more. And if you lose your job, you can weather it a lot easier if you are already thrifty. And more importantly, if you have love, everything extra is just that: extra. You have extra one day, then the next day you don't, no matter if love remains and reigns.
And through all this, I pray seeds for faith in God have been planted in our kids and take root deeply. It's one thing to say you trust God but it's another thing to live out the example. I thank God for this opportunity to live out the faith He is growing deep in my heart as a witness to my children. It's been an amazing time. I wish it could last forever and one day when we're in Heaven, it will, except that it'll even be better. Until then, love remains and reigns. And it's enough.
2 comments:
Quite a testimony! I stopped by here from Ann's and was blessed. I was an old Mother Earth News mom in the 70's and 80's. Now nearing retirement, I find it exciting to find those who continue on in love, His love.
Bless you,
Dawn
What a testimony of His faithfulness! I'm reminded of the story of Ruth. Thanks for sharing His work in your lives!
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