Looking through a box of old pictures with this post in mind, I found the gem below. I was actually thinking of a different photo when I began to rummage through and though I've looked through the box several times for other reasons, I didn't know this one even existed. I knew it was golden the minute I found it and not just for this post. (The things we fail to appreciate at the time.)
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| Delma and I, summer of 1991, the year I graduated H.S. |
Well, fast forward 13 years from that picture. I'd been married 8 years, had four children and suddenly one of them is diagnosed with cancer and was probably dying. Life was not joyful and unfortunately by then, there was no Delma around to commiserate with or to be consoled by as she went to Heaven in 1997. When she left this Earth, I felt lost here for a long time, even with a small family of my own, I felt very alone and depressed. Of course that changed as my heart mended and I learned to live without her not to mention my small family continued to grow but there's still a void even now.
During the years of Samuel's lifetime (immense joy and sorrow) I often thought back to my teenage years and wondered if that carefree enjoyment was all I was going to get here. It did not feel like it was enough to cover the travesty my life had become. I think I understood what Delma probably meant; when the cares of life catch up; responsibilities, hard choices to make and death to face, life is a lot less thrilling. That and it felt as if it was all on my shoulders to carry. I often thought, "Why did I have four kids? What was I thinking? Obviously I wasn't thinking. I didn't plan for this. Could this be any harder?" The answer to that question follows below...
Fast forward another four years to the day we learned first hand what we had known for several years already; the only real cure for cancer is death. Samuel went to meet Jesus and Delma and my lowest low in life happened. I'd never felt more alone or let down than in the days that followed Samuel's death. I felt helpless, hopeless, my life wrecked beyond belief, knowing no human could mend things or make them right. The thought of enjoying anything ever after that point was out of the question. Even the joy we had when Samuel was doing well was precarious at best because we knew he was living on borrowed time and when that time was up, there are just no words to describe the misery of the days, weeks and months that followed and sometimes even now strike us.
Yet, I wasn't as alone as I thought. The Lord was always there waiting for me to seek Him. The very same agony nearly everyone I knew was afraid to look upon much less come near, He came near. Little by little, day after day, now year after year, He proves to me that He was always there even when I felt alone, is still always near me today, and is forever ready and willing to carry my burdens no matter how heavy or light. I learned that if I could just hand the reins of my life over to Him, joy in that life would resurface and that joy would be in the knowing that I was NEVER alone or forsaken; that I was His child and He was my Father. Now, it's one thing to read that He'll never leave or forsake His children in scripture, but it's another thing altogether to experience His presence in your daily life first hand as your Father. When I laid the shattered pieces of my life in His hands, that is just what happened. I began to experience a life with Him fully engaged in it vs. regarding it from afar. Psalm 138:6
God does not ask us to blindly trust Him. He knows trust requires love and love requires relationship. For the majority of people and most especially for those who think God has done them wrong, that takes time. Thankfully, God knows exactly how to meet us right where we stand; He can handle us in whatever condition we present ourselves to Him. Additionally, He gives us everything we need to KNOW (not just blindly trust) Him with The Kingdom of Heaven (God inside you). 2 Peter 1:3-4 - He has by his own action given us everything that is necessary for living the truly good life, in allowing us to know the one who has called us to him, through his own glorious goodness. It is through him that God's greatest and most precious promises have become available to us men, making it possible for you to escape the inevitable disintegration that lust produces in the world and to share in God's essential nature.
God always starts small with us, remember the mustard seed? If we learn to trust Him in the "little" things, it will be easier to trust Him when the "big" things come along. Trusting Him in ALL things is the goal though. Proverbs 3:5 That requires a relationship. Here is where we need to learn a lesson from watching how our children trust in our care and in so learning, we will teach them a great life lesson as well. Assuming parents do their job right, children don't worry about how they'll get their next meal, whether they'll have clothing that fits, or who'll take care of them if they get sick; they have you to do all that for them because you love them. Little children know they are not alone because they have parents who take care of them. They worry about very little (boredom?) if anything at all. Their main concern is only what fun they will have today whether that be at school or at home. They trust that you'll keep them fed, clothed, and safe while they go about it. This is exactly how God wishes us to live our lives for Him; as little children who have a Heavenly Father to care for their basic needs so they can get on to doing His more glorious work here. If we are His children, then He is living on Earth through us. Does He not take care of His own body just as tenderly as we care for our children, who are parts of our body? (1 John 4:16-18) Yes! We cannot live fully for Him if we are wrapped up in the worries of everyday life. We cannot even begin to live life if all we do is worry about it or are worn down by the sorrows of it. He says He'll carry those things for us. Psalm 55:22 Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you.He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.
He promises to take care of His Children (no matter your age) as a good parent takes care of their children (and age still should not matter). Matthew 6:25-34 tells us that Children of God need not to worry about their basic needs. He knows what we need to live the life He has planned for us and He promises to supply them, however we must seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and then all these things shall be added to us. The provision is based on (1) humbling ourselves before Him so that He may (want to) reside within us, and (2) obedience; submission to His authority. In short, we must actually live and act as His children if we want to partake of this promise.
Our parents have failed us if we left home feeling alone in the world. (because if we ever feel alone in the world, we are not engaged in a meaningful relationship with God) Either our parents didn't know or trust God enough to impart that trust to us, or they didn't care for our basic needs well enough and we grew up not trusting them because of it. Whatever the case, this failure puts children at a disadvantage both in the world and with God because they will find it hard to trust anyone and will feel like it's them against the world. This does not have to be. Similarly, we will fail our children if we do not have a relationship of love and trust for God and allow Him the reins of our own lives, and thus impart this blessing of not worrying over provision to our children while they are still little seeds. They'll have a hard time believing that verse if we don't walk it out with visual evidence.
After Samuel went to Heaven, I learned God could handle some very big burdens. Before Samuel went to Heaven, Samuel himself taught me how to live a carefree life filled with joy because he did just that. He knew he was loved beyond measure and trusted that everything we did for and to him was good, no matter how painful it was at the time. He knew he was never alone in his suffering. We all partook of it and carried what we could. We took on the burdens of his care and he just lived the life God put in front of him to the fullest with a radiant smile. That is the Glory of God and that is how God wants ALL His children to live. Accept the life He lays in front of you and live it to glorify Him. (not my will but Thy will) Do this and He promises to supply your needs along the way. There's no way Samuel would have put up with all he did to live if he didn't think we loved him and/or did not trust that love. Similarly, there is no way we can live the life God is putting in front of us with any joy or relationship with Him if we are wrapped up in worrying about what may or may not happen today, tomorrow, or next year and feel as if we are alone in all of it. I guess you could say I am learning this lesson of love/trust a bit in reverse; I learned a lot about living the life God puts in front of you from Samuel. Still, I'll admit it, I have trust issues; I'm working through them. But this I know, God can take on my biggest burdens and carry me through the lowest low, my greatest agony, and bring me back to a place of joy in life and that joy is in knowing that He is my Father who cares for me. I am His child. I an never alone. When you gain that confidence by walking it out, it'll change your life.
My prayer is that I'll impart all this to my children - while "trust" issues for them, are not an issue at all. This knowledge will make life easier for them if they will just seek Him. Maybe I'll change Delma's saying a bit to "Make it a point to know, love and trust God as you do your own father while you are young and you'll never feel alone in this life and always find joy no matter your age." That's a good part of the battle won right there! (Thank you, Lord, that Mark is a good fatherly example and that the kids will learn to trust and love You because they loved and trusted him)
1 comments:
Thank you so much for sharing this... Once again, you've given me lots to think about with your inspiring writing... Also, thank you for so many of the supportive comments you've left on my blog. I've been meaning to say thank you for a long time now. I appreciate it so much. Thinking of you and Samuel always!
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