Mark's parents live on an acre of land in which there are ample trees either down, or ready to come down so getting wood only costs us the labor of doing so. Over the last few months, we have spent several days there cutting and splitting wood, then moving it assembly line style from the woodsy area of their outermost yard, to the manicured back yard. With wheel barrows, another day was spent moving it from the back yard (obstacle course) to the front. Another day turned into three trailer loads driven home, unloaded and lastly, a final day of stacking. Wood is our main source of heating so it always feels good to have this done for the year....well, to Mark and I anyway. (Now we can go hiking again!) The kids, however, are a different story.
After the wood was stacked, Mark and I were savoring the fact that we were finally done. We were amazed by just how much we ended up with because while gathering is always a job, this year it didn't seem as laborious as in previous years. The shared labor certainly helped there. Mark pointed to the stack and said to the big kids, "You see that? That is security." They looked confused and one said, "I don't know what you mean." I said, "That is because you've never known insecurity." Mark went on to remind them about their warm house and heat they enjoy when the power is out. Somehow they still could not equate the work we had done over the last couple months as being beneficial to them or as any sort of security. For them, that work was nothing more than a waste of the time they could have spent entertaining themselves.
Last week, I wrote about God's promise to take care of His children's needs similarly to the way we care for our children's needs. Obviously we've done a decent job thus far (Thank you, God) since our kids do not even comprehend the things we do that keep them secure. However, we must remember and teach our children that while God promises to provide for us as long as we put Him first place in our lives, nowhere are we told that we can just sit around and lazily entertain ourselves while He drops manna from the sky and plants a money tree in our backyard. He expects us to work. Furthermore we should expect that He will interrupt our regularly scheduled programs for special duties as He deems necessary. We are His servants first and foremost. When He calls for us, He expects us to come running thankful for the opportunity to do His work vs. dragging our feet complaining about all the plans we had for our day that His work will spoil. We need to answer like Samuel did in 1 Samuel 3:10, "Speak Lord, for your servant hears." We must learn to balance the lives we live "for us" with the lives we live "for Him." If we do not do this, discipline will follow. Whether that discipline will be gentle or severe depends on how much sin we harbor in our hearts.
My kids are resigned to their small share of household chores which they still only do when poked and prodded. That's typical, right? I remember feeling the same way about chores. I once told Mark's Mom (before having children of my own) that I was certain my parents only had children in order to have slaves to do all the laundry, dishes, vacuuming, yard work, etc. She asked me if it ever occurred to me that it was us children who dirtied all those things up and added extra work to the work my parents did inside and outside the home already. Why, when we were able, would they not expect us to help out? Why would that be such an unreasonable request? It was such a small payment of gratitude on the debt of raising us which we could never fully repay them for. Her questions really stopped me in my tracks. I told her that (sadly) I had never thought of it that way. Nothing like someone pointing out your selfishness and ingratitude to set you straight. How shameful! I was probably 21 or 22 at the time.
One of the many things Mark and I are enjoying about having older kids is the fact that they are finally able to help out in substantial ways. Thus, for the last few years, bringing home the wood has been a family affair. Unfortunately, two of our children feel this duty to be above and beyond the call and even though Mark and I do the vast majority of the work never leaving them to work alone, they whine and work very lazily much of the time which thoroughly ticks us off. You'd think they'd remember the lessons from the previous years of gathering which are if you whine, pout and stomp your feet like a baby, not only does it make everyone who IS working mad, but the job you have to do will take YOU longer. No one will do your job for you. If you cannot do the work cheerfully, do it silently but know this; whining won't get you out of it.
I had high hopes that this year would be better than the previous ones, but they were all dashed by sour attitudes with crescendos at that end. One child called me from Mark's parents house to tell me that it was raining there (as if it wasn't raining here) and asked if we were still doing wood. I asked, "Really? Is that ALL you called for? Yes, we are still doing wood, it is barely sprinkling." The whining ensued with a new vigor. (Bad decision on the child's part) I ended up abruptly saying, "we are coming so get ready to work,' then promptly hung up the phone so I did not have to hear the continued whiny response. Incidentally, after that phone call, we would have went to do wood in a downpour to help this child learn a lesson. Luckily, the Lord did provide a very wet atmosphere for this child to have to work in. (Perfect!)
And then, the day after the wood was finally home ready to be stacked, the other child, absent from the day of the three trailer trips to bring the wood home, decided they were going to do as little as possible and whine as much as possible apparently thinking we'd grow weary of their ways and let them out of it. (Another bad decision) In both instances, I sat both children down and had a conversation very similar but MUCH more harsh than the one Mark's Mom had with me. My hope was that showing them their ugliness would give them something productive to ponder while they worked. The immediate result of course was that one child was mad (but still not as mad as I was) and the other pretended indifference but both got the job done nonetheless and ended up with better attitudes than they began with. Me too for that matter. Labor always drives my anger out and leaves me feeling much more grounded. I hope that perhaps the knowledge of the rottenness of their behavior paired with the severity in which I responded to it WILL be a lesson which sinks in before next year. I'll let you know.
In both of these instances, Mark said to each of them, "Now look what you have done, you've went and made Mama mad. Don't you know that if Mama's not happy, nobody's happy?" That statement whenever it's said, always gives me a little pause in which to consider if my anger is justified. Am I overreacting or instead reacting as God (inside me) would? I truly have very little tolerance for whining.
One only need recall the history of the Israelites in the Old Testament to be reminded of just how much God hates whiners. His discipline against those murmurers was always severe. He sent fire to kill many who complained against Moses. Others were swallowed up by the Earth while they were still alive. Still others were told they had 40 years left to live in the wilderness because they whined. The consequence of complaint is death in the Old Testament. Here's why; when you complain about your circumstances (the life God has set in front of you) or about those who He has set over you, you are actually complaining against Him. Exodus 16:8 You are setting yourself above Him and that always points back to pride, which is the sin He hates most, Proverbs 6:16-18, and the sin He deals MOST harshly with. So, my children's whining not only rightly angers me, but it also insults God who sets me above them. Their sin then rests on me as if I am the one who sinned and the only way to get it off my back is to eradicate it from them before it has time to grow deep roots. If their whining is not quelled now while they are still seedlings, but instead we give in to it allowing them to have their way with us, we are allowing them to use it as a form of rebellion. Rebellion that is not only against us but also against God and the penalty of that will be (in New Testament terms) spiritual death eventually leading to hell (both on Earth and literally after physical death) for them at some point future if they continue in it. And we their parents who allowed it, will pay that price for letting their sin rule us when they publicly shame us as adults. Proverbs 19:26 He who mistreats his father and chases away his mother Is a son who causes shame and brings reproach. Proverbs 29:15 The rod and rebuke give wisdom, But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. We will reap what we have sown whether that be good seed or weed. God is not mocked. Galatians 6:7
Why do so many think they can seed a garden, ignore it, and the harvest will still bear good fruit? This generation is now filled with the kind of harvest that mentality produces which is overgrown weeds; adults who are still rebellious children. They demand entertainment 24/7, manna from Heaven, a money tree in the back yard then whine and blame others (God) when misfortune knocks on their door. And worse yet, they are now by example teaching their children to do the same. One has to wonder then, how much longer God will allow this open rebellion against Him to go on before stepping in to do some weeding out Himself. Isaiah 5:1-7
Delma's best friend, Roberta, has told me many times, "Jennifer, put everything you have into raising your children right, then when they leave home, you will be able to enjoy the fruits of your labor. God will reward you." We cannot be lax in our parenting if we truly wish to train up our children in the Lord and reap the reward of doing so both in this life and the next one. He never said it would be an easy task but He has given us all the tools we need to get the job done properly if He resides within us and directs our ways. There will be days we will need to trust in God's righteous anger kindled inside us and deal with our children severely if they are rebellious, will not listen to reason, and thus cannot be corrected with gentleness. God's loving-kindness is shown to us both in severity and gentleness depending on our obedience or lack thereof. (Consider Jonah) I was the "mean Mom" last week. What they don't realize is that their "mean Mom" loves them more than they comprehend. If she didn't, she'd let them do whatever they wanted, sending them straight to hell. Similarly, if God ever stops correcting us, then we need to start shaking in our boots. Proverbs 13:24 He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.
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