What does not kill me, makes me stronger --Friedrich Nietzsche.
You know this quote, I am certain. Who hasn't had some helpful person quote this to them when tragedy strikes? Without much thought process attached, it almost sounds like a Biblical concept so you might be surprised to know that Friedrich Nietzsche was a late 19th century philosopher who made his life's mission to challenge and mock the teachings of the Christian faith. While this is his most famous seemingly insightful quote, I found pages and pages filled with more of his half-truths and out and out lies. Occasionally, there was a true gem mixed in but for the most part, reading his "brilliance" was just sad. After reading more blasphemy than I really needed to, I did a quick bio search on him wondering when he lived and what was known of his life. I found some interesting things, but only interesting in the light of God's Word and hindsight. He never married (girlfriend rejected him), his writings were not embraced during his lifetime (people thought he was mentally unstable), and he disowned his country and became a "gypsy" wandering homeless around Europe looking for something he obviously never found. At the age of 45, he had a complete mental breakdown which left him an invalid in a sanitarium for most of the next 11 years when he finally died of pneumonia. I don't know about you, but to me, his existence does not sound like a happy one. He openly mocked and rejected God and what did he gain by it? According to.Galatians 6:7, he reaped what he sowed.
Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. A man who thought he was brilliant enough to BE God, and that the concept of a true God was man's mistake (yes he actually wrote that) ended up living 11 years of his life in a mental institution. Remember 1 Corinthians 1:18-21,
For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written: “ I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, And bring to nothing the understanding of the prudent.” Where is the wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the disputer of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of this world? This post is really not about Friedrich but a very valuable lesson can be learned by simply examining his writings and life history using the promises of scripture and a rear view mirror. God is everywhere, involved in all things, even in the lives of those who do not believe in Him.
Let me see if I can fix Friedrich's "logic....."
What does not kill us will only serve to hardens our hearts if we do not yield to Jesus who supplies true strength --Jen Backus.
I believe Friedrich equated strength with the hardening of the heart. That isn't true strength. True strength is supplied by God when you acknowledge your own weakness; when you acknowledge that it was He who broke you and that only He can mend you. Nothing happens on this Earth that He is not aware of. Nothing happens He hasn't planned for. Isaiah 14:24b,
“Surely, as I have planned, so it will be, and as I have purposed, so it will happen." Amos 3:6
When disaster comes to a city, has not the LORD caused it? Is this not the hardest thing to face as a Christian? That God would bring disaster into your life on purpose and for a purpose. You will never find true healing or strength after tragedy until you seek His Will in it. I tell you this from experience. The pivotal moment for me was the day I humbled myself before the Lord not long after Samuel left us; the day I said, "Somewhere, some way, I am wrong. Either I never knew you or you don't exist. God, if you are there and If you can still teach me, I am willing to be taught. This is surely not a lesson I wish to ever need to learn again. And God if you can still use me in this life, I am willing to be used." On that day, I died to myself and nothing has been the same since nor would I want it to be.
This will be our third Christmas without Samuel. God has given me a special gift every Holiday Season since Samuel has been with Him. Gifts of truth, gifts of treasures I thought were lost, or gifts of dreams or visitations. The gifts always have one thing in common; they occupy my thoughts for the entire season, they teach me something new and bring great joy to my heart...perhaps not always at first but certainly always in the end.
This year you can plainly see the gifts of new puppies to love -- two of which I know He made specially for me. Panda for now, and Javier for Samuel to take care of until I get there. But the puppies are not all He has provided for this season; the timing of their arrival with the work He is doing on my heart proves once again that He plans out our every need before we ever dreamed of needing it. This planning is only seen by looking in the rear view mirror of my life for the last few months.
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Have you ever been snared by your own words? Of course you have, we all have. You said you were going to do something and you didn't. Perhaps you chose not to, perhaps the choice was out of your control. Maybe you lied. Nevertheless, your words became your self made trap when someone called you on them. And it's one thing to have a human point a thing out for you but quite another when the only one who knows the real truth is God and HE points it out to you. Rewind about a month and you'll find me snared by words I spoke to my beloved fully believing they were true only to have God call me out and show me several illustrations that proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were not.
Does God take the prayers of His children seriously? Yes, He does. When your heart is sincere, He does. So if you decide to take Him being your Heavenly Father at face value as I have and ask Him to be a Father to you in your earthly father's absence, you can fully expect that He will. Fathers protect and fathers fix things that are wrong; it's often a father who will take something which is broken and repair or restore it. Restoration is God's specialty. If you ask God to truly become your father, He will start repairing and restoring starting with the most important part to Him: your heart. Trick here is, you have to let Him do this. You have to participate. It's not always easy. Sometimes it hurts....a lot. No pain, no gain........wonder who coined that phrase? I'm not even going to bother to look.
For years, I have heard today's most popular sermons on how God wants you to enjoy your life, or how He has a great plan for you life and it's always equated with wealth, health and unending blessings (just send your money). If you don't have wealth, health and unending blessings, you must have sin in your life (who doesn't?) or you don't tithe. God owns everything on this earth and if wealth, health and endless blessings made us better Christians, He would bestow them upon us without measure. This whole "gospel" is corrupt. Preach it to the Apostle Paul who sat in prison for ten years writing most of his New Testament books and see if he doesn't slap you silly. Preach this to my Samuel and see if he doesn't roll his eyes and show you his tongue; what sin did he have in his life that would so viciously steal his health and life? This crap is garbage. It tickles the ears while it corrupts the soul.
This is what Jesus says He came to do. Luke 4:18,
“ The Spirit of the LORD is upon Me, Because He has anointed Me to preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives And recovery of sight to the blind, To set at liberty those who are oppressed; To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD.” In Isaiah 58 God says His Will is to to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke. Are these not all acts bestowed upon the heart to free us from the chains of the devil which tie us down with lies and torment? Without God to take our blinders off, we truly cannot see where we are headed nor discern the truest longings of our own hearts. Without God, peace and joy in the heart are impossible. Without peace and joy in heart, nothing else really matters.
I know my life history well so when He called me out I knew exactly what He was talking about. That skeleton in the closet that I cover up with whatever means is available -- I've become a master at pretending to not see it, just living my life precariously dancing around it -- yet it's always there. Rewind a couple more months and you'll find it rearing it's ugly head in the most sickening of ways. This time though, I was never fully able to bury it because it attached itself to a scene of my life that I doubt I'll ever get the bad taste in my mouth out from. It's been around since I can remember time; it's often a negative life event that wakes up your consciousness and sears itself there when you are very very young. It's a part of my soul which was snuffed out before it ever had a chance to truly live. A part I believed was irreparable so I accepted it as being dead. So many years have passed that I didn't care about it much anymore until the above mentioned episode which set me up perfectly for what God was going to do next. God laid that skeleton bare in front of my eyes reminding me that I am not the only one who sees it. He showed exactly how this torments me and how much this missing piece of my soul affects my beloved and me. I saw fully how much this has cheated us both out of something that is uniquely ours without either of us even recognizing it. God pulled the blinders off.
The numerous vile details of this tangled mess are unimportant in comparison to what the Lord has been teaching me and doing with my heart. A true Father knows you and loves you enough to delicately but still honestly unmask the parts of your life that need repair. A daughter who knows she is loved, will trust that her Father knows best and even if the restoration or in my case, resurrection is a better word -- even if it be painfully difficult, she will hear and obey His words.
When God points something out, when He removes the blinders, you stand at a crossroad and you must choose which path to take. You cannot choose to go backwards and pretend the conversation never happened. You either say, "Yes, God, you're right, it's time to do this," or you say, "No, God, it's just too hard. I cannot do it," and perhaps miss the only opportunity you'll get to have Him rebuke the demons and mend your heart. Everything had come to a head and this is what I was hearing from Him, "Now or never."
So, there lay the ultimate "Do you trust Me?" moment with God. And then there was my poor beloved, clueless as to what was going on inside my head and my heart. I knew he could live just fine without this knowledge, but could I live with the blinders removed leaving him in the dark? No, I could not. This would directly affect him. affect us, even if he did not know it yet. "God, how do I tell him all of this? Really, this is like smashing him into a brick wall without even a warning. I'm not even sure I can deal with this myself, it's not like I have ever made progress with it before and now I should lay this in his lap too? You're asking me to do something I don't know if I'm strong enough to do. What if.....?"
The "what if" possibilities are always endless, best not to go there.
And what is faith? Is it faith to stop and wait for the "right time" when all the stars line up and everything falls into place and truth comes easily? Is faith saying, "God, you handle this and I'll just keep living my life the way I always have. I'm strong, I got through that era and I am doing fine. My beloved can live his life just fine without this knowledge."
That is not faith, this is hardening of the heart. Setting out to deal with something by not dealing with it at all and then calling yourself strong because it didn't kill you outright. Faith is doing what God is asking you to do and trusting that He'll see you through even if you are consumed with apprehension. It's doing the hard things, laying yourself bare, when the time isn't right because it'll never be right in your eyes but it must be in His or He would not ask you to take the first step. By the exercising of faith, by the taking of the first step, God stands in the gap and works things out in ways you couldn't possibly imagine. I couldn't imagine the joy of today a month ago and while some days are still painfully hard, the joy is starting to overtake the bitter times.
And how do we know God is at the helm when we feel Him calling us to step out in faith and plunge ourselves into the unknown. Look in the rear view mirror. How did we get to this place? What events led us here? What have we been praying and yearning for with all our heart? I took a few days to think these things over. It was clear as day the events that led me to this ledge I was standing on. And my deepest longing, most heartfelt prayer, had been for my beloved; that his faith would be strengthened. That he would experience the power of the living God and want to draw nearer to Him. And if God needed to use me to do these things, I was willing to be used, whatever the cost; if you pray a prayer like that, be ready to fulfill any vows you make. God takes His vows seriously and He expects you to do the same.
I knew what I needed to do but it took me a few days to get it all straight in my head so I could get it all straight on paper. I needed to be certain that the words were right because the last thing I wanted to do was hurt my beloved. I found there weren't enough adjectives to describe some of the ugliest truths about my life and with him not having a similar life experience, I wasn't even certain that he would understand or see the need to have all my broken pieces dumped into his lap.
God are you sure about this?
It's now or never...............
2 Timothy 1:7,
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
I got everything organized, the words coherent and I read what I wrote countless times before nervously handing them into my beloved's hands and heart. He received the truths with love and compassion and I heard God saying, "Why do you think I picked him for you?" But I found that once everything was out, I got ambushed like never before -- by demons. This I was not expecting. Why, I don't know. They ambushed me after Samuel's death too mocking me. Experience tells me that when this happens, you are very very near a breakthrough. Don't cave into their pressures and lies, they do not leave quietly and that was an experience I'll never forget; a flood of panic from decades before with a familiar flood of lies to go with it.
This isn't over. It'll never go away........
These were the nicer things that were said and as Samuel would say, "Blah, blah, blah." The demons did finally go away. I guess they got tired of hearing blah, blah, blah. I'd love you to believe it was truly that simple. It was not. Not even close.
Restoration isn't an easy process. To have something restored means it has been lost, broken, missing or has died. We mourn for the dead and with the unearthing of the skeleton and release of the demons came grief. Grief for the piece of me that died so long ago. Grief for the empty shell that took it's place all these years that would also need to die in order for God to restore true life. Through the grief, He comforted my heart and not long after the skeleton was revealed the puppies were born. Who wouldn't be comforted by new precious lives? They lighten the load to be certain and if they are not a sign and confirmation of new life, I don't know what is. And while I have been loving babies, my own children and my beloved, He continues to speak truth into my heart, truth that has quickly taken the dead pieces and restored to them life. And I'm amazed and reduced to tears of joy often in those moments when I feel that life springing forth for the first time - I never ever believed this would be possible for me. It's a precious gift from my Heavenly Father like life to dry bones, or water in a parched desert. The immediate change is undeniable. I lament that I have wasted so much time living with the skeleton and never truly enjoying some of God's most mysterious and greatest gifts, but I trust that His timing is perfect and that these things could not be addressed properly until now.
So you might wonder if my beloved has noticed a difference. Unequivocally, yes. It's like night or day, empty or full, dead or alive. And did it build his faith? Does he recognize God's power? Were my prayers answered? Think of the disciples on Resurrection Day. Did seeing Christ risen build their faith and allow them to recognize God's power? Was it not then that they truly sincerely believed everything they had witnessed for years before that event? On the other hand, think of the Israelites during Moses's day; God was always in front of their faces. They saw more miracles in a shorter amount of time than any other generation and yet it was they who were the most blind to Him. Why were they blinded? Because of their sin; they loved their own ways more than God's and as a result, many of them died in their sins and never entered into the Promise Land. God is always in our midst but it is He who chooses whether or not we truly see Him. He decides this based on His amazing grace and the condition of our heart toward Him. The diciples saw miracles and believed in God because they truly knew and loved Jesus. That said, these are questions only my beloved can answer. This I can say for certain; I have been blessed beyond measure and that blessing was contingent on how my beloved received and acted upon the truths I shared with him. He has an amazing heart and God surely has His hands squarely upon his shoulders whether he fully feels it or not. I see it daily and marvel. My faith has been strengthened and once again, I know first hand the healing power of God. As a result of these blessings, my beloved too is being blessed.
Often God covers Himself as He works behind the scenes and we don't recognize His handiwork until after it's been done. It's only then that if we take the time to look in the rear view, we can connect the dots back to Him. Think of Moses who said in Exodus 33, "Show me your glory." And God answered,
“There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen.” Is God not telling us that we'll see His glory in the rear view if we'll just take the time to look for it?
Look for Him. Everytime you find Him, you'll be blessed and your faith will be strengthened. If He be not real to you, then your relationship (if you can call it that) with Him is still in the infancy stage, risks becoming dysfunctional and faith cannot grow. Ask Him to remove the blinders so you can see Him. When our faith grows it is easier to act upon it and please Him. When we please Him, He blesses us right where we need blessing most.
This is a Holiday Season I will never ever forget. It's the year I fully began to live again. This gift of life from the dead is truly His Shekinah Glory and when you experience it, you want your beloved to experience it with you. Thankfully, he did and he continues to.
Luke 2: 8-14
Now there were in the same country shepherds living out in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. And behold, an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were greatly afraid. Then the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.”
And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying: “ Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, goodwill toward men!”
Glory to God indeed.
Merry CHRISTmas and much love.
