When Random Isn't Random

Have you ever had something just pop into your head that interrupted whatever you were previously thinking about so much so that you forgot everything that came before it. You ask yourself, "Where the heck did that come from?" It feels random and yet it is that randomness that draws your attention to it. I had one of those moments a few nights ago.


I was in bed, ready to fall asleep yet still half thinking, half praying, slightly annoyed with the events of the day, slightly annoyed overall and then PING; total interruption. I saw Samuel and I sitting in the lobby of the Tacoma hospital. For a brief few seconds I watched us as if I was an observer totally detached from the scene. The sheer randomness of this seemingly forgettable moment entering my mind woke me right up. Of all the things to remember, this wouldn't even be on the bottom of my list.

The hospital lobby is not somewhere I would ever want to find myself again. It wasn't a place I wanted to be in even when I was. We only found ourselves sitting there waiting when Samuel needed a transfusion on a weekend. I would check us in with the lobby desk who would then call up to the floor to let them know we were there. We would then sit and wait for someone to come for us. When Samuel needed transfusions, he also had no immune system so sitting here in the middle of anyone and everyone walking in off the street, coming and going from the hospital, coughing and sneezing, was not something I wanted to do for long. This was not a safe place for Samuel to be. Many times we came when he wasn't able to walk so he sat in his stroller. I would tell him, "Don't touch anything." There were plants by the benches and occasionally a toy display and it was all he could do to keep his little fingers off these things. I would wheel him to a corner where people didn't seem to want to sit away from anything he could touch and watch the elevator hoping the RN would hurry up. On the days when he actually walked himself into the hospital, we sat in the same place but I did not allow him to play or fidget at all trying to minimize germ exposure. Thankfully we never had to wait longer than five to ten minutes here.

Conversely, after we were discharged and I knew Mark was nearing the hospital to pick us up, we would head back down to this lobby to wait for him to pull in. He could just drive up and get us without parking if we were ready to go. And again, the same rules applied, "Don't touch anything." This time we stood on the other side of the room where I could see the cars coming in. We never waited more than a couple minutes to get out of there and trust me, we couldn't wait to get out of there. We were beyond sick of the hospital by the time Samuel was transfusion dependent.

Of all the things that would come to mind right as I was falling asleep, this was just odd. Even more odd was the fact that this scene, as I saw it in third person, wasn't a true memory. On the surface, the hospital lobby looked just as I remember it and we certainly sat in it multiple times but other parts of what I saw would never have happened. Samuel and I were sitting Indian style face to face on the bench by the door where we usually stood to wait for Mark. He was touching everything and it didn't bother me. We usually came with a backpack, a book bag, some toys and his food but I saw none of these next to us. There was no stroller either and he didn't look sick at all We were so enthralled in conversation though I didn't hear what was said, and neither one of us seemed concerned about watching for our ride. We had perfect peace without a care in the world.

I didn't dream it, I saw it. About five seconds worth. Enough to recognize that it was a scene from the past that at first glance looked normal, but upon further inspection, never happened. I never recall memories in the third person either. I knew God was trying to show me something here. He always knows how to get my attention, that's for sure.

I haven't felt Samuel's spirit near since before Thanksgiving yet I feel like I am plugged in to him somehow. I don't feel a gut-wrenching separation anymore and haven't for nearly a year. Since I was with him in April...... Putting all his sound clips on my computer has filled our house with his voice ringing out whenever it wishes. One day he said, "Look Mom" so many times that my kids asked me what he wanted. They didn't realize that was e-mail notification. We laughed because he called me so many times one day that it was like old times when he used to call me every five minutes if I wasn't nearby. The clips I took ring in my ears even when I am not near the computer. One, "I didn't ask for this," whirled around my head for weeks. He said that about a Christmas gift he apparently wasn't enthused about. Typical Samuel, said exactly what came into his head. We all know where he gets that...... He never said that about being sick all the time, that for whatever reason, he accepted as his normal. This life we live without him, nobody asked for this. While peace rules my heart over him being in Heaven because I remind myself, he got out of here and he is finally safe, the days we spend here feel like they drag on and on.

The entire counsel of Ecclesiastes rules my life. I wake up day after day vexed by the vileness of sin in the world. What's good is now bad and what's bad is now good. It disgusts me. And it's rampant. The earth is reaping the "world with no God" that they have so craved for generations and look where it's gotten us. There is no future here without God's intervention and still so few have come to that conclusion. I get up each day and catch up on what has happened since I went to bed and all I see is the boulder growing larger and picking up steam. People run to and fro each thinking they have the solution to the world's problems and all that happens is their solutions continue to make matters worse. The crises worldwide is not economic, it's spiritual. Until we come to terms with the spiritual problem which points back to sin, we can forget about man made solutions. They are withheld from our knowledge, obviously.

Ever since Samuel's relocation to Heaven, I have had ample time to reacquaint myself with the world again. Prior to Samuel's death, we lived in our own little world and it was easy to have no clue what was going on worldwide. Now I look at it everyday as I try to educate my children on how they should live here, what they should expect here, and what is expected of them here. Each day they wait to find out where the latest earthquake has occurred. We were marking them on a world map and that was interesting for a time, right up until Haiti when they realized the utter disaster an earthquake is capable of. They are aware of the wars, famines, droughts, and chaos worldwide as well as what the Bible says about the "last days." They do their studies to meet the home school requirements for our state but the real education comes from understanding the way this world works, or how this world is broken, depending on your point of view. They watch people rise and see them fall. They see famous people who are miserable and poor people full of joy in spite of their lack of resources. They ask questions about who, what, where and why and they get answers. They understand a little more everyday how little this world has to offer them in terms of fulfillment. They have learned very early in life to savor the tiniest things that go unnoticed by many; family fun, good pizza, pancakes they made themselves, a campfire, a movie everyone sat down to watch, a trip to the snow, a small job well done and rewarded, a couple good friends, a life free of hospitals, just to name a few. It is a gift from God to feel exuberant over these seemingly small trifles. That is what Ecclesiastes is trying to teach. Solomon didn't learn these lessons until he was very old suffering the consequences of his many sins and he penned this book in the hopes it would not take us as long to figure out to stop wasting our time chasing the wind. This is the biggest most important lesson I try to teach my kids daily which is quite contrary to what schools teach. Education doesn't equal fulfillment. All the money in the world doesn't buy joy. Chasing the dream of more, more and more stuff makes it impossible to cherish the little things along the way. Life begins with God breathing life into our bodies and it ends with Him taking that breath away. Life is only fulfilled and meaningful if you honor Him as you live it. If you reject Him, you live life chasing after something you never find.

Depression is the epitome of Ecclesiastes because it forces you to see life on earth as it truly is....futile. Futile, that is, without God. The incidence of drug use, alcohol abuse and "need" for anti-depressants is astronomical and it all points back to spiritual depravity. Then we hear, "depression meds don't work." Well, duh! They don't address the real problem. We were not meant to exist without an intimate relationship with God. We were created by God to live in His presence. Adam and Eve lived with Him until their fall. And even after that, He was still with them, helping them, guiding them, because at that point, they needed Him even more. He didn't disown them and the entire Bible is a love story between God and His people from beginning to end. He doesn't reject people, they reject Him. Eventually, He just stops calling them allowing them to get further and further away from Him of their own free will. There are consequences to that rejection, in the spirit, in the mind and in the body. Those consequences affect the world. We're living in that world now. Godly children need to know what they are dealing with and that it's far deeper than just money problems.

Another of Samuel's sound clips has been echoing in my head as well. "Get this show on the road." This was said early Christmas morning as he was waiting to open presents. Mark told him, "Tell Mama to get this show on the road." So, of course, he said it. And that is exactly how I feel about my life right now. I am vexed by the evil around me and my lack of ability to change it. My finances stop me from helping people as much as I would like and all the worldly possessions we finance tie us down. We're stuck with them. I am thankful to have what I have and yet I loathe it all the same. I am annoyed at my own greed and a lot of this debt wasn't debt I asked for. It was the cost of trying to save a life. Life today feels like a treadmill. We walk a long way and never seem to move. The day to day mundane is driving me insane because I see the world stage being set for something and yet it feels like it is still far away. Mark is feeling the same vexation though he doesn't realize it as much as I do. Everyday he works in an environment where children are living with major physical problems due to accidents, genetics, or abuse. 95% do it without parents involved. After all we did for Samuel, Mark cannot find even one good excuse for this behavior. Seeing it day after day only serves to deepen the wounds he carries. His heart is so tender for these children. He knows their needs for love and how much of a difference that can make even in the most horrible of circumstances. The worst part of everything is that you want to help and you can't. Either because of bureaucracy or lack of funds. All you can do is watch. And most people don't watch. They cover their eyes, they harden their hearts or they drug themselves to the point of not caring anymore if they ever did in the first place. People who do care forget to pray or don't know they should. I just think, "Something's got to change. How long can this go on?" I don't want to live in a world like this much less try to raise my children in it. There is only so much heartache a "sober" heart can stand to watch, how much more heartache must God have then? I hear Samuel's words echo, "Get this show on the road." Do something to change this! Please! Or remove us from it. Whichever. I know there is a correction coming, and I just wish it would hurry up. People need to wake up, sober up and turn back to God. Just as one person can affect many for evil, one person can also affect many for good. So everyday I am waiting and waiting for something, and still wondering how many more awful things might our family have to endure here in the interim.

And so, now you understand where my annoyance comes from. Why I went to bed slightly annoyed, praying, and thinking. I have been doing that for months now but those feelings have intensified since 2010 began. Mainly because I am well aware that for all of 2009, God put a hedge of protection around us so that we could have peace and He could bind up our wounds. When 2010 rolled around, after a quiet 2009, I cannot help but wonder what is coming and am trying to do the best I can to prepare my family for things we didn't ask for. When I saw Samuel and I sitting in the hospital lobby, I was reminded once again that God always hears me. He knows my heart perfectly. Even better than I know it.

So there I was, sitting and waiting in a place I have previously determined was not a safe place to be stuck in, yet I had perfect peace. I had no baggage at all. Nothing to tie me down to this earth whatsoever. And Samuel was there waiting with me, and not at all sick. Whomever we were waiting for was apparently wasn't getting off the elevator nor were they driving up because we were not looking in either direction. Thinking out loud, you cannot see God but if you belong God, you'll hear Him when He calls. The thing about the hospital lobby is, we never had to wait long.

And this whole vision can stand alone and fill me with hope for the future, and knowledge that He is not far away from us ever. He hears the cries of the hearts of His people. He brings rest to the weary and hope to the hopeless. Regardless of where we are with Him, we all have those kinds of days here. They won't go away until we are with Him either. I have come to realize that more than ever. He fills all the holes in my heart that Samuel's absence left behind but it's still not yet enough because I have tasted a bit of what Samuel lives now and it blows this existence out of the water. I crave that. What Samuel has in Heaven. It's a far cry from what we live on earth and my heart longs for it daily.

It's awesome to see how God can take a scene that IRL was nothing I would ever want to remember and alter it to show me His Glory making it memorable forever. I know that is the true essence of God, to take something miserable and redeem it for good. And as if that isn't awesome enough, when you put this vision together with the scene He replayed for me last April, also a memory that was slightly altered for His Glory, it's like the continuation of it. And again, I tell you, we never had to wait long once we entered the lobby. It's so cool to think that just as I am waiting here, Samuel is also waiting in Heaven for the Glory which is to come.

Let the whole world know that our God reigns forever. Amen.


ETA after I published this and viewed the entry on the Blog itself, the song that "randomly" played was, "Something's got to change." And again I say, God hears...........

Finding What is Missing

Last week I went to visit my favorite eye doctor because I was about to run out of contacts. Somehow I got 18 months of contacts to go 26. I have been seeing this guy since 2004 and he remembers me every time. At this latest visit, he told me I hold the record for the worst vision in his office. We laughed. Lucky me! I like this guy a lot because he has a nice sense of humor, is very personable, and given his age (60's) he has seen a lot of cases making my unique issues not so unique to him. I like that. When I go in, I just want to be treated like everyone else instead of like an academic project. Currently, nothing can be medically done for my condition. Albinos cannot be infused with pigment. Congenital nystagmus is not something surgery can fix for an adult because the brain reroutes the images somehow and while today surgeons can relax the eye muscles, they cannot alter the way the brain has learned to process the images. So, if i was a little baby, there would be an option but since I am not, there is still no option. Therefore, there is no need for someone who hasn't seen a case like mine to poke around so they can tell all their friends about it. This guy doesn't do that. We joke around about the machine that tries it's best to capture my eyes before they bolt away from the laser. We laugh about how they have never gotten an eye pressure reading on me because I need sedation for that. We look through the few choices left for contacts in my very strong Rx and I walk away 20 minutes later. It's perfect.


As we were finishing up, he noticed that I have the Star of David around my neck. He asked if I was Jewish. I told him that I was not Jewish but that I believed in the Jewish Jesus. I guess that wasn't the answer he was expecting because he was taken aback. He asked me if Jesus became a Christian and I said, "No, Jesus was Jewish." Still shocked, he finished the conversation by saying, "Well, I was just kidding, that was a joke." But, it wasn't a joke he laughed at the same way we had been laughing previously. I told him something he clearly had never heard so boldly before and while he played it off, I could tell a seed was planted and he was going to go think about what I had said.


That conversation put an exclamation point on many of the things God has been showing me. I didn't get to know the "Jewish Jesus" until after Samuel went to be with Him, but when I did, He turned me life upside down, inside out, and changed me from the inside out. I will never again be the same and would never again want to be. Now, I am not writing this out as if it is something new. It's not. Jesus has been Jewish since his immaculate conception. Jesus wasn't a new religion that was born in the New Testament but in fact appears in Genesis 1:1 in the original Hebrew text and can be spotted all throughout the Old Testament in every text. Yet the Scribes, Sadducees and the Pharisees who were considered the great teachers in His days on the Earth did not recognize Him as their Messiah. Why is that if He was in their teachings all along? Perhaps because they never truly knew Him. If they knew Him, they would have recognized Him in their midst.

The followers of Jesus found all His teachings to be quite different than what they were previously being taught by the Scribes, Pharisees and Sadducees. This is mistakenly interpreted by many Christians as Jesus establishing something new. A deeper look into Jesus's teachings compared to the original teachings of Moses in the Torah shows nothing new. What had happened is the Pharisees, Sadducees and Scribes had taken those teachings and twisted them just enough to tickle the ears of the people and gain many followers. Followers who thought they were honoring God but were fooled. One of the reasons why Jesus spent so much time teaching the people was to set them straight. If His only purpose on earth was to die for our sins, He could have done that at any age and yet He lived 33 years here.

How many times do we read, "Their eyes were opened." We think of the Jewish people as being blind to Jesus because we are told they are right in the Bible but we don't stop to think that many of us who claim to know Jesus as Lord and Savior are also blind to who He is as well because we lack intimacy. As a result, we are blinded by our trust in our teachers just as the people during this Biblical time were. We learned to be like this in school. How many kids do you remember challenging their teacher's teachings? Or simply walking out of the class because their teacher was teaching them wrong? This unearned blind trust in men is contrary to what Jesus taught us. In Matthew 7:15 Jesus says, “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves." A wolf in sheep's clothing is one who appears to follow Him, but is truly only out for himself, and by being a "prophet" (read pastor, minister, etc) they lead many astray.

So check this out. I read this and laughed out loud because I never got it until today......Matthew 5:20, Jesus tells the multitudes who were following Him, "For I say to you, that unless your righteousness exceeds the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven." That was confusing to them because up until Jesus, the scribes, Sadducees and Pharisees were their teachers. How would the student become more righteous than the teacher??????? Unless the teacher wasn't righteous at all but rather a wolf in sheep's clothing. When the lay people heard Jesus teach, Matthew 7:28-29 says that the people were astonished at His teaching, for He taught them as one having authority, and not as the scribes. He did not debate what the scriptures taught, nor did He debate what the Pharisees and Scribes were teaching. He corrected them and showed them how every action or intent, both good and bad, begin in the heart. Often they walked away speechless tails between their legs. The result of Jesus's teachings speaks for itself and take note that everything He taught was directly out of the Old Testament seeing as how the New Testament wasn't written yet. Still somehow churches today dismiss the Old Testament as being old and outdated and they wonder why the church has no influence today as it did in Biblical times. Matthew 4:23-25, And Jesus went about all Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing all kinds of sickness and all kinds of disease among the people. Then His fame went throughout all Syria; and they brought to Him all sick people who were afflicted with various diseases and torments, and those who were demon-possessed, epileptics, and paralytics; and He healed them. Great multitudes followed Him—from Galilee, and from Decapolis, Jerusalem, Judea, and beyond the Jordan. When the multitudes began to stop listening to the Pharisees, Sadducees and Scribes and started to follow Jesus, the Way the Truth and the Life, that started all the trouble. Jesus stepped directly on their pride and they got jealous and plotted to kill Him. So you see what was in their hearts the whole time and the people never saw their true colors until they saw heard the truth straight out of Jesus's mouth. In short, He is telling us to read the original document, aka the Bible, all of it. Don't take a man's word for scripture, search it out for yourself so that you are not deceived. We spend loads of time researching a major purchase, we search and search for the perfect place to live and raise our family, we are particular about our friends and the ways we spend our time but how much time do we put into researching our eternity? Live it up here and figure eternity out when you get there, right? Apparently not. This means lots of butt to chair book to nose time in which your brain will be asked to think and your heart will be tested. Only then will you know if you are being led astray. Someone else cannot do this for you. We will all stand alone at the end.

Notice that people either loved Jesus, marveled at Jesus, were surprised at Jesus, were amazed at Jesus, dropped everything for Jesus, or they hated Him and wanted to kill Him. Jesus was that radical and the people living in His time were not lukewarm toward Him as people seem to be today. I hear pastors and teachers whine that more people go to rock concerts than to church meetings but they never seem to grasp the fact that people are drawn to those they think have power. Christianity today has been reduced to a legalistic religion without power. Where is the draw to that? There isn't one. The problem isn't Jesus, the problem is with those who are supposed to be leading people to Him. They aren't. If they were; if people were having real encounters with God, they would be coming in droves the way people flocked to Jesus in His time on Earth. We need to stop looking to a human to fan the flames of the God that we've locked up inside ourselves if we truly belong to Him. We need to follow Jesus Himself. The most intimate encounters I have had with the Lord have been in my alone time with Him. Key here is intimacy. The biggest lessons I have learned have been when He has given me an assignment and I have followed up. The teachers, note I said teachers (plural) I choose to study under confirm and build on what I have already learned from the Holy Spirit inside me. In short, if you are looking for an earth shattering encounter with God, it most likely won't be at your church. It will be in your most intimate moments with Him. Those are the moments that change your life and confirm beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is who He says He is and there is nothing on earth that compares. Jesus's death paying the price for our sin bought us the opportunity for this intimacy. The Holy Spirit wasn't freely given in Old Testament times to everyone. That was a gift that came only after Jesus died. The Spirit is our comforter, our teacher, and our promise of the Kingdom which we are called to. If you haven't had an earth shattering experience with Jesus yet, lock yourself up with your Bible alone until you do. You will be amazed.

Jesus wasn't a joke to those He came in contact with. When they were confronted by Him, they instantly made a choice. When the Pharisees, Sadducees and Scribes began to try to trick Jesus with their "vast" knowledge of the Scriptures, all they proved were their evil intentions. Imagine the audacity of one who thinks they can argue with God and win. They didn't know who they were talking to, obviously. People do the same things today They mock God, they belittle the Bible and His people and it's all fun and games for which they think is of no consequence.

The line of blame points back to the "teachers" of today and those who blindly follow them. Many just don't know better like the people in Jesus's day who thought they were pleasing God, but instead, were being deceived. There are "John the Baptists" around today but you have to really look to find one. The trend of many teachings today is to pick and choose the parts of Him you want. Look at all the Christian How-To books, tapes and teachings out there. We can pick and choose what we want from God and by taking time out of our busy lives to partake of these things, we think we are doing God a service for which He will repay us. We don't even realize we are not seeking Him at all but only His benefits. That's usury. Because of His never ending grace and love, He will meet us where we are at even if the relationship is one-sided. He is always trying to draw us closer. But the real evidence that we are not in an intimate relationship with Him is when life doesn't turn out the way we prayed, or these things no longer work and we don't understand why. So we blame God. Or a disaster happens and we don't understand how a loving merciful God allowed that so we question God. Who does God answer to anyway? Or, my beloved son gets sick, suffers for years and dies a miserable horrible death and everything I believed about God I suddenly question. When these things happen to you, know that He is confronting you and asking you to make a choice about your personal relationship with Him. He WILL step on your toes eventually. Everyone, even those who are lukewarm, will be asked to make a choice. Has he stepped on your toes yet? You will know it when He does.

After Samuel died, I knew I was missing something. Somebody led me astray and I let them. I came to the conclusion that either I was taught wrongly about God, or there was no God. What I didn't see then, and didn't understand until now was that God was confronting me. It wasn't that I lost my faith as I originally though as much as it was Him forcing me to choose between a real two-sided heart to heart relationship with Him as He truly is, or life on Earth without Him at all. Fundamentally, those are the only two choices there are.

So, I did something revolutionary; I read the Bible. Cover to cover. I laid everything I thought I knew about Him aside and determined to start from scratch as if I was a new believer. Every presupposition I had about the Bible, I intentionally forgot about. He met me right where I was from the very first day I made the decision to KNOW HIM as he was. The Holy Spirit inside me was rekindled like never before and I knew I was on to something I had never known before. Do you know that as I allowed Him to teach me, as I allowed His Word to penetrate my heart, I marveled. I was astonished. I was surprised. And most of all, I realized that I could drop everything else and follow Him. Nothing on earth mattered as much as knowing Him. The more I took Him at His Word, the more I studied His Word, the more He revealed Himself to me. He restored my joy, bound up the wounds in my spirit, and daily shows me what an exciting and fulfilling life truly is. He restored my hope and excitement for eternity and even allowed me to feel and experience things I thought were not for us to know. He is the ultimate anti-depressant, the highest high, and the most amazing rush even in the worst of times. Jesus is now wishy-washy. If your impression of Him is such, then you do not know Him as He truly is.

When we decided it was time for our family to return to church, a strange thing happened. I intentionally looked for a pastor with knowledge of Jewish history and traditions because there were many things I did not understand as I read through the Bible. Obviously the Old Testament is very Jewish and it doesn't unlock for you unless you take the time to understand the Jewish mindset. To many, the Old Testament is just words on a page they are not connected to. They are blinded. So, I chose a pastor who was a Jew that converted to Christianity thinking he would be able to offer insights that many of today's teachers don't. What I found was that as a Jew, he was taught only the Old Testament, and as a Christian pastor, he taught only the New Testament. There was no incorporation of the two books as one. It was as if he had gone from one extreme to the other and missed who Jesus was on both accounts. He taught about Jesus, but I don't believe he knew who Jesus truly was or he wouldn't have so easily thrown his Jewish heritage to the wind. His teachings were what Paul would call a "different Gospel." Continuing to attend that church was going to be detrimental to us all. That was a strange experience indeed because who was I? My family was not overly impressed when I told them we needed to either change churches or stop going altogether. Thankfully, God got us where we needed to be and that was when His Word truly sprang to life in a way it never had before. Romans 11:15 says For if their (the Jews) being cast away is the reconciling of the world, what will their acceptance be but life from the dead? It's life from the dead when you combine the"Jewish" Old Testament with the "Christian" New Testament and realize they are all one book with no division telling the world about The One God, our Lord Jesus Christ. Period. When I told my eye doctor that I believed in a Jewish Jesus and he was surprised, THAT was when I realized the power of Jesus which resides within me and is supposed to reside within us all. I just said a few simple words that are the truth and he was shocked and possibly embarrassed. I wasn't embarrassed and I didn't step on his toes, Jesus did.

I have went to various churches since I was a little girl, listened to a wide variety of pastors and different teachings. I have went to the "workshops." But in all that time, I realize now that I had a one-sided relationship with Him. It's really easy to appear to know the Lord. Pray the right words, say the right things, amaze your friends with your scripture memorization and acts of faith and holiness, etc. That doesn't mean the intent of your heart isn't right. To be His means we are constantly being refined for the Kingdom. But at some point, He will ask us to grow up and stop filling our bellies with the milk of scripture and instead learn to taste and chew meat. We don't get to spit our food out anymore. Like it or leave. Those He loves, He disciplines and corrects. It sucks in the moment but is a good thing in the light of eternity. It's easy to trust and glorify God when He does everything you wanted or expected of Him. The true test of your relationship with Him comes when He doesn't. Acts 14:22 says that we can only enter His Kingdom through MANY tribulations. 1 Peter 4:12-13 says Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy. We know by this that NO ONE will set foot into God's Kingdom without proving their faithfulness and allegiance to Him. You never find out who your true friends are until you are in dire straights. Why would we think God is any different than we are?

If death teaches us nothing else, it should reinforce the fact that Earth is not the final destination. That should be great news to us assuming we are Heaven bound. This is never more obvious than when you are wounded so deeply by loss. You feel lost in your own home, in your own surroundings, even among your own family and friends. Nothing feels right for a very long time, if ever. It is in those moments that you fully realize that your children are not really yours, you have absolutely no control of anything that happens to you here, and if Jesus isn't alive and His promises are not true, then this earth is a bus racing toward a cliff with no driver. My life has become more bitter with every loved one's death and while I move on, I do so looking up to the Heavens. Samuel's death severed any love of this life I might have had left. We did everything possible on this earth to save him and it wasn't enough. What did that profit us here? His life is reduced to a name people are afraid to mention. I realized a long time ago that their ignorance of my son, as if he never existed, says more about what's in their heart than words ever could. What did his life here profit us in Heaven? Much more than it ever will here. I know because I have been allowed to experience who Samuel is there, while I am still here. There aren't words to accurately describe the glory that surrounds him. It's those little touches from Heaven that keep me going on earth. It's not easy to live without Samuel here.

This Earth, even in it's best moments, is still the devil's domain. Why do we attach so much meaning to a long life full of worldly accomplishments? Perhaps we forgot what is going on here or whose land we are living in. We are not our own and everything in this world belongs to God. In Matthew 10:34 Jesus says, “Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword." Jesus came to divide His people from Satan's. There is a battle going on for your life. In Luke 11:23 Jesus says He who is not with Me is against Me, and he who does not gather with Me scatters.

Jesus is gathering His Bride, but you wouldn't marry someone you don't know....would you? Perhaps we forgot we are supposed to be getting ready to meet him, at any given moment, because there is no guarantee of a long life. That's common sense even He agrees with. In Matthew 7:21 21-23 Jesus says, “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’ In John 10:27, Jesus says, "My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me." Do you hear His voice? Do you know His voice? Are you daily preparing to meet Him by following Him? 1 John 3:3 says And everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself, just as He is pure. Every day we are alive on this earth is another opportunity to get to know Him better. It's another day to open your heart just a little more to Him. Another day to lay down the things of this world that make no difference in Heaven. It's another day to share Him with somebody who needs Him. Jesus said, "Many are called, few are chosen." (Matthew 20 and 22) What do you think He meant by that?

Jesus made people think. He forced them to look inside themselves and act. Jesus either made people very happy or extremely angry. He was not politically correct. When Jesus' disciples were given His authority, they had similar personal encounters with people. People either chose to follow Jesus or sought to kill them. There was no in between. Jesus did not hand out that authority lightly. The disciples were not given authority until after they dropped every worldly thing to follow Him and sat at His feet to learn from only Him. Somewhere that devotion has been lost and therefore so has the power and authority that only He can give. If you feel like there is something missing in your life, I can tell you exactly what it is. Intimacy. Intimacy strips the blinders off of Jew and Gentile alike. Intimacy with God brings unspeakable joy and peace. Intimacy fills every void in your life. It will rock your world and you will never be the same but don't just take my word for it. Search it out for yourselves.

Drawing Parallels

I have had some things to post burning in my mind and spirit for days now but just haven't had a block of time big enough to put them out yet. I make it a top priority to spend a lot of one on one time with the kids during our school time as well as one on one time with God so my days are pretty well spent. My weekends are my glorious time with Mark so you get the picture, right? At the same time, my eyes are fully focused on Haiti and what is being done there. I have been prayerfully reading several blogs from people who currently live and work in Haiti who are being God's hands and feet on the ground there literally running themselves ragged. The Livesay [Haiti] Weblog is one in particular. There have been multiple entries dealing with the mass influx of aid trying to get in and the bureaucracy and politics that hinder it. The need far outweighs the resources currently available. Americans who are currently working there who lived through the initial earthquake are torn because they have the option of leaving Haiti at any time but feel guilty for having that option because they know their conscience will never rest if they do. And one cannot blame them for wanting to get out of the devastation there and come back here because they have their own wounds to heal and yet Haitians are stuck there dying around them with no such options. It's infuriating and heart wrenching to witness knowing that more can be done and isn't being done. The Compassion Blog updates nearly daily of the hardships they face and the whole thing feels insurmountable when for every person who receives help, there are hundreds who do not.

Here is but another example that really got me this morning. {RAGE against the MINIVAN} prayers for Ronel By the way, Ronel's picture where he is obviously starving reminds me of someone who looked just like that in my own household. Perhaps that is why this makes me so angry. Because there are people who want to help, people who want to open their homes to others and politics are getting in the way.

The news coverage of Haiti grows less and less by the day yet I now hear them calling it a disaster of Biblical proportions. (Once again, as if God did this to them on purpose.) I really key into the language and I think I have finally put my finger on why. This earthquake really struck me immediately when it happened because I got the impression that it was a wake up call to the world. As if the Lord is looking down to see if there is anyone left here who will care for the poor, the widows and the orphans. James 1:27 says Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you. We know that there was a huge outpouring worldwide for Haiti. Most of us are aware that we cannot do enough and we need God to intervene miraculously for Haiti right now.

Here's my question; have the nations truly done all that can be done? Truly? I don't think so. And it's not the fault of the lay person, it is the fault of the many governments and nations involved who are standing in the way. 50 years ago, a crisis like this would only receive slanted agenda oriented news coverage and these people would suffer in silence, but today that isn't the case because of the internet and people on the ground there who report with no agenda other than to get help to a suffering people.

Since the news media wants to blame God for the earthquake in Haiti, lets look at an example of God's judgement and to whom it was truly on. I am sure I would be hard-pressed to find a person who hasn't heard about Sodom and Gomorrah but do you know the real reason why it was destroyed? It wasn't homosexuality. The Book of Jasher, a book written originally in Hebrew referred to in the Book of Samuel and Joshua is considered more of a Historical account of the Torah. More detail is given. It is an interesting resource for digging up more details from the Bible. Chapter 19 deals with what the real problem in Sodom and it's sub-cities was. Verse 44 says they had abundance of food, and had tranquility amongst them, and still would not sustain the poor and the needy, and in those days their evil doings and sins became great before the Lord. And what were their evil doings? Their laws were all perverse. The government was completely corrupt. Not all it's residents were corrupt however.

It was against their law to feed or aid the poor. Instead, when the poor came to town, they pretended to help them, but robbed them instead. Verse 8-10: And when a poor man came to their land they would give him silver and gold, and then cause a proclamation in the whole city not to give him a morsel of bread to eat, and if the stranger should remain there some days, and die from hunger, not having been able to obtain a morsel of bread, then at his death all the people of the city would come and take their silver and gold which they had given to him. And those that could recognize the silver or gold which they had given him took it back, and at his death they also stripped him of his garments, and they would fight about them, and he that prevailed over his neighbor took them. They would after that carry him and bury him under some of the shrubs in the deserts; so they did all the days to any one that came to them and died in their land.

If a resident of Sodom aided a poor man in secret, and was caught, they were persecuted and executed. The whole system was upside down with the Kings and Judges who were at the very top being the most corrupt. Here is an example, verse 37-44 For a traveler came into the city of Admah to abide there all night, with the intention of going home in the morning, and he sat opposite the door of the house of the young woman's father, to remain there, as the sun had set when be had reached that place; and the young woman saw him sitting by the door of the house. And he asked her for a drink of water and she said to him, Who art thou? and he said to her, I was this day going on the road, and reached here when the sun set, so I will abide here all night, and in the morning I will arise early and continue my journey. And the young woman went into the house and fetched the man bread and water to eat and drink. And this affair became known to the people of Admah, and they assembled and brought the young woman before the judges, that they should judge her for this act. And the judge said, The judgment of death must pass upon this woman because she transgressed our law, and this therefore is the decision concerning her.
And the people of those cities assembled and brought out the young woman, and anointed her with honey from head to foot, as the judge had decreed, and they placed her before a swarm of bees which were then in their hives, and the bees flew upon her and stung her that her whole body was swelled. And the young woman cried out on account of the bees, but no one took notice of her or pitied her, and her cries ascended to heaven. And the Lord was provoked at this and at all the works of the cities of Sodom, for they had abundance of food, and had tranquility amongst them, and still would not sustain the poor and the needy, and in those days their evil doings and sins became great before the Lord.

So, my final question is this; do you see any parallels between what is going with the "aid" in Haiti and the government of Sodom in this "disaster of Biblical proportions." The cries of the Haitians who are suffering will surely reach the Lord. The cries of the orphans and widows are certain to reach Him. The cries of those who are working there giving everything they have to these people knowing it is never going to be enough will reach the Lord. For those of us here watching; we are not helpless. Please continue to give as you are able perhaps to one of these missionary groups here on the ground who ARE making a difference daily.

Here is a very small handfull.
Life... stumbling fool Learning the unforced rhythms of grace this isn't grey's anatomy Loving One More

Continue to pray. Our cries need to reach the Lord as well. Do a study in the Bible about people whose cries reach the Lord. He hears and He acts with great compassion on the suffering. I cannot say He is compassionate on those who willingly watch the suffering and turn a blind eye, or worse, take advantage of them and their crisis for political gain. Let's be clear; when God judges, He first removes His people and after that judgement is swift, direct and leaves no survivors. In short, He doesn't do half the job. He finishes the job. When God decides to judge the nations, it will be obvious.

Psalm 14:2 The LORD looks down from heaven upon the children of men, To see if there are any who understand, who seek God.

Do we understand the times we live in? Do we seek God? Or are we too busy enjoying our perfect lives to be bothered? It's time to act. Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves.

Looking, Searching, Hoping and Waiting

Lately, my Bible Studies have led me to some interesting places where the familiar verses just seem to pop off the page; as if freshly anew. I can hear puzzle pieces click together when this happens and things I didn't understand are suddenly clear. Things I thought I understood take on new meaning. I got more of a jolt from reading scripture the other morning than drinking coffee. The Word of God is alive bringing life, hope, strength, love and excitement to those who discover it's treasures.


Psalm 19: 1-3
The heavens declare the glory of God; And the firmament shows His handiwork. Day unto day utters speech, And night unto night reveals knowledge. There is no speech nor language where their voice is not heard.

2 Timothy 3:16 says All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work. But how can we prove that the God of the universe is the author of the Bible? Prophecy. From beginning to end, each book deals with what was, what is and what is to come. Isaiah 46: 9-10 says Remember the former things of old, For I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like Me, Declaring the end from the beginning, And from ancient times things that are not yet done. When the early church was just starting to share Jesus with the multitudes, Acts 17:11 says they received the teachings with readiness but searched the Scriptures for themselves daily to know if what they were shown was so. They did not fully rely on man's interpretation of Scripture. They did not read fictional accounts of the Bible in place of the Bible. They did not go to movies for education on God. They took everything they were taught and compared it to Scripture.


Scripture should always be our first and final authority on what God says, what He is doing and what He asks of us. Everything we see, hear and sense should be tested by Scripture and by prayer. There are so many great tools for searching scripture and great teachers to help you get the most out of it, that there is no excuse for not reading it. People did not always have Bibles so readily available. They did not have computers and the Internet granting us the ability to attend a church or hear a study anywhere in the world of our choosing. I don't have time means I am too lazy, I don't care, or I simply don't believe it. Seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit to teach you what you do not know. Certainly studying without the benefit of the Holy Spirit will profit you nothing. Sometimes, the answers are not made clear immediately because the time has not yet come for us to fully know. If you don't get a clear answer after much careful and thoughtful study you can assume you weren't supposed to get it yet. Many books were not "unlocked" to man until the set time. Daniel is an example of one.


As I read Psalm 19, I realized that every day we see the sun rise, sun set, and consider the days events, we are watching prophecy unfold right before our eyes. Amos 3:7 says Surely the Lord GOD does nothing, Unless He reveals His secret to His servants the prophets. All the "secrets" are in the Bible. From beginning to end. Read the prophets: Isaiah, Ezekiel, Daniel, Jeremiah, Hosea, Joel, Amos, Obadiah, Jonah, Micah, Nahum, Habakkuk, Zephaniah, Haggai, Zechariah, Malachi. Read the greatest prophet, Jesus, in the gospels. There is nothing new that hasn't already been written. Ephesians 1: 7-10 sums things up well. In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace which He made to abound toward us in all wisdom and prudence, having made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His good pleasure which He purposed in Himself, that in the dispensation of the fullness of the times He might gather together in one all things in Christ, both which are in heaven and which are on earth—in Him. There you go. The mystery is that He plans to gather everything that is His both on earth and in Heaven in the fullness of time--whenever that is. That is our blessed hope; that He went to prepare a place for us and He will come back to receive us. (John 14: 2-3) While we do not know the exact time, and we don't have a perfect road map, we are given the signs to look for which will signal us that He is at the door ready to take back that which is rightfully His; the heavens and the earth and all that are called by His name.


Matthew 24:4-8 says And Jesus answered and said to them: “Take heed that no one deceives you. For many will come in My name, saying, ‘I am the Christ,’ and will deceive many. 6 And you will hear of wars and rumors of wars. See that you are not troubled; for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet. For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. And there will be famines, pestilences, and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of sorrows.


Every day this scripture becomes more and more our reality. The chaos and crises going on in our world is felt by all and it's impact is not hindered by language, location or culture barriers.


Luke 21:25-28 Jesus goes on, “And there will be signs in the sun, in the moon, and in the stars; and on the earth distress of nations, with perplexity, the sea and the waves roaring; men’s hearts failing them from fear and the expectation of those things which are coming on the earth, for the powers of the heavens will be shaken. Then they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory. Now when these things begin to happen, look up and lift up your heads, because your redemption draws near.”

For those who are actively looking, there seems little question as to the direction the world as a whole is taking. Things are not getting better. Every today is growing steadily worse than yesterday. And while some people are starting to wake up and take notice that they are powerless to manage all the world's crises, they seem to readily fall asleep again hoping all the disasters that are piling up will just go away or some great magical leader will swoop in and fix it all so they can go back to business as usual. They look for a man. We look for Jesus. Big difference. Those looking for a man will find one in the set time. Those looking for Jesus will find Him in the set time.

The Bible is very clear that we are to be looking for His return so that we are ready. In Luke 21:34-36 Jesus says, “But take heed to yourselves, lest your hearts be weighed down with carousing, drunkenness, and cares of this life, and that Day come on you unexpectedly. For it will come as a snare on all those who dwell on the face of the whole earth. Watch therefore, and pray always that you may be counted worthy to escape all these things that will come to pass, and to stand before the Son of Man.”

Jesus warned us that when we start, just start to see these signs of the days before His coming, we need to start looking for Him. We need to unwrap the ties that bind us to this earth and all of the junk here. We need to wrap ourselves up in Him and His assurance knowing that His Kingdom far surpasses anything this earth will ever offer. Every day we need to search scripture and actively look at the world's events to see if we are growing closer to seeing Him. The end of Matthew 24 and beginning of Matthew 25 deal with what happens to those who are not looking for Him to come. They are not received because they were not ready.

Have you ever wondered how it was possible for so many of the Jews to not recognize Jesus when He was standing right in front of their faces. It's not like they didn't have all the prophecies; they were the chosen people they were entrusted to. They tried to prove how much scripture they knew by trying to test and trick Jesus at every turn. But as it turns out, they wanted all the benefits of God without any of the responsibilities. God was fine as long as He rescued them from their enemies, kept them prosperous, and stayed out of their lives as much as possible. They did not love God, moreover did not want to submit to God, and as a result, they missed Him entirely. These people outwardly appeared religious, they had a form of godliness, but they denied God Himself. They thought simply following the Law, aka, being a "good person" was enough to give them eternal life. They went through all the motions of "religion" for whatever status symbol, power or honor that provided them among their peers but that was as far as it went. In John 5:37 Jesus says, "And the Father Himself, who sent Me, has testified of Me. You have neither heard His voice at any time, nor seen His form. You do not have His word abiding in you, because whom He sent, Him you do not believe. Verse 41 Jesus goes on to say “I do not receive honor from men. (Remember Jesus made Himself of NO reputation- Philippians 2:7) But I know you, that you do not have the love of God in you. I have come in My Father’s name, and you do not receive Me; if another comes in his own name, him you will receive. (By the way, nothing has changed. Mention Jesus and people run, mention some man's name and people flock.) How can you believe, who receive honor from one another, and do not seek the honor that comes from the only God? Verse 39 caps this off nicely - You search the Scriptures, for in them you think you have eternal life; and these are they which testify of Me. But you are not willing to come to Me that you may have life.

When the Jews went so far as to tell people that Jesus's miracles were done by the power of the devil, He stopped speaking to them plainly and began his parable teachings. Matthew 13:14 says And in them the prophecy of Isaiah is fulfilled, which says: ‘ Hearing you will hear and shall not understand,And seeing you will see and not perceive." Many Jews came to Christ after His resurrection but for the most part, the Jewish people are still blinded today. We know they are blinded so that we may see and be saved and prophecy tells us that their eyes will be opened again. I look for that daily.

I bring this up because if in reading this particular entry, it's all gobblety goock to you, you are blinded by your own disbelief in God. Hebrews 11:6 says But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. This doesn't just say that you must simply believe that God is the only God, but also you must believe that He will reward you for searching for Him. If you look for Him, you will find Him..

The apostles were also searching the scriptures daily for their own edification and fulfilment of prophecy. You cannot boldly share with others that which you do not fully believe, that which you haven't yourself personally experienced, or that which you do not understand. In Acts 2, on the day of Pentecost they were assembled in the Upper Room and were filled with the Holy Spirit. They weren't taken by surprise. Jesus told them to go there and wait for it. They believed Him and it happened just as He said. After they were filled,, they went out to the people of Jerusalem and began to speak to the people in many different languages they didn't know before, boldly sharing the gospel. Each person there heard their native tongue spoken. The people were shaken and confused. Some decided they were drunk.

Acts 2:14-21 says But Peter, standing up with the eleven, raised his voice and said to them, “Men of Judea and all who dwell in Jerusalem, let this be known to you, and heed my words. For these are not drunk, as you suppose, since it is only the third hour of the day. But this is what was spoken by the prophet Joel: And it shall come to pass in the last days, says God, That I will pour out of My Spirit on all flesh; Your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, Your young men shall see visions, Your old men shall dream dreams. And on My menservants and on My maidservants I will pour out My Spirit in those days; And they shall prophesy. I will show wonders in heaven above And signs in the earth beneath: Blood and fire and vapor of smoke. The sun shall be turned into darkness, And the moon into blood, Before the coming of the great and awesome day of the LORD. And it shall come to pass That whoever calls on the name of the LORD Shall be saved.’

The apostles knew that Joel's prophecy had just been fulfilled. Now, I have heard this passage quoted many times as if it is something which hasn't yet happened and is yet to come but when I read it this last time through, I realized just what I have shared. This prophecy was fulfilled on the day of Pentecost. A pouring out of the Spirit is not something we should be waiting for as if the day has not arrived, it is something that has been available for over 2000 years. If we are not tapping into it, we are not taking it seriously enough or we don't know it is there waiting for us to get with the program. God is a gentleman first and foremost. He won't force anything on you. Do you realize that everything Jesus did on earth prior to his death was done as a human being filled with the Holy Spirit as opposed to a God. He was a man full of God's Spirit. Because of His death, we have access to that very same spirit and power if we will simply believe and hunger for it. Are we a people who hunger for God or are we too wrapped up in the day to day mundane to give Him a second thought. Do we see Him as an active participant in what is going on on this earth or do we think HE fell asleep. I assure you, He has not. It is we who need to wake up and realize our potential given through His Spirit if we are going to be effective for Christ in these last days.


2 Peter 3: 1-4 says Beloved, I now write to you this second epistle (in both of which I stir up your pure minds by way of reminder), that you may be mindful of the words which were spoken before by the holy prophets, and of the commandment of us, the apostles of the Lord and Savior, knowing this first: that scoffers will come in the last days, walking according to their own lusts, and saying, “Where is the promise of His coming? For since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they were from the beginning of creation." But, beloved, do not forget this one thing, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. (When you read "Last days" in the Bible, know that the last days started in Acts 1.) The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is long suffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.


There were so many prophecies that weren't fully understood until after they were fulfilled. The same is true today. We know things are coming but we are not quite sure what they will look like. But if we are searching Scripture and actively looking, we will know when they start to happen, or when they have fully occurred. We will be prepared. We won't be taken by surprise. We won't be terrorized running to and fro looking for a human to fix things. No human can fix the condition of the Earth. They never could and they never will. They are NOT God. It's well time to start looking up and preparing our hearts for what is to come so that we are ready when He comes. Search this out for yourselves....

He is Able

When we are weak, God is strong. When a situation seems incredibly impossible, that is when God shows Himself in a mighty and undeniable way. As natural disasters continue to hit the earth in ever increasing waves of devastation, I am reminded that the devil is aware his time left to wreak havoc on the earth is short. Know that that is exactly what the devil is up to. He is out to steal, kill and destroy... period. His passion is to pick on the weakest victims and his aim is to destroy any hope they might have had in this life. Look at where the majority of the most hideous natural disasters occur and see if you don't find a pattern. The devil loves it when people begin to believe that God is cruel as a result of these disasters; as if it was God who inflicted punishment on these already weakened people. As the book of Job so clearly illustrates, the devil's goal is to get people to "curse God and die." Clearly, nothing has changed. Job so helpfully had "friends" who gladly pointed out all the things he must have done to bring God's judgement upon him. Yet, nothing that came upon Job had anything to do with God's judgement at all. Again, nothing has changed, has it? Might the key here be to help strengthen the weak? Isn't that what God calls us to do? Why is it that it takes a horrible disaster for us to even remember who the weak are?

A friend sent me a note last night making mention that the Haitians feel as if God has forsaken them. This breaks my heart more than anything else. Thinking like this allows the devil to gain a foothold on a people already devastated. God hasn't forsaken anyone. However, He needs foot soldiers to accomplish His work on this earth. As I look at the inferior infrastructure which is making aid so difficult to get in as well being responsible for so many casualties, I can't help but wonder if we've dropped the ball. "Forgive us, Lord." It's so easy to get wrapped up in our own lives and forget that not everyone is able to live as we do. We are a blessed people and that blessing was given so that it might be shared. Not just in times of great tragedy when without question, people step up to the plate, but also on a daily basis because there are so many people in need all over the world. Need goes beyond monetary support although that is a good start. Organizations such as Compassion International which partner with the country to teach, train, build and empower it's own citizens to dig themselves out of poverty need our continued support well beyond this initial disaster. Haitians will need help for many years if not decades to come and my fear is that soon we will grow weary of watching and they will be forgotten.

James 2:14-17 reminds us that Faith Without Works Is Dead. What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

We are a people called to act, not just watch and pray. Sometimes it takes faith to act because we look at a situation that appears to us, insurmountable. Know that God is not only willing but also very much able. He moves with compassion but is also moved by OUR compassion for others especially when we put aside our own problems to care for another's.

My prayers remain fervent for the people of Haiti. Also, for those who are physically going there to help. Helplessness undoubtedly grips us as we watch the news coverage and read various updates of people found, and people lost and yet I know that God is there. I see Him using people there in mighty ways. When helplessness overtakes you: pray, give, honor God and honor people. We are all on this earth together and what affects one affects all.

Compassion is doing a great job keeping us updated here. They have, however, removed all the Haitian children waiting for sponsors until they are all accounted for.

Shaken or Stirred

Yesterday I felt strangely unsettled in my spirit. As I tried to shake whatever it was, the Lord whispered, "Shaken or stirred," into my ear. At the time, I didn't know what that meant. I figured it wasn't Him quoting James Bond. Awhile later the news broke of the earthquake in Haiti. They were shaken, that was obvious. I don't usually get prophetic words from Him but I know His voice and know He is asking me to start stirring. I have been asking Him for more lately. More of Him. " Use me, Lord. Show me what to do." It didn't take long to get an answer.

It seems like a major earthquake in some part of the world is now a weekly event that not many people even notice unless they are directly affected. Until now. Here's how we know we are not living in the "days of Noah;" look at the outpouring of help for this country coming from all parts of the world. The compassion perhaps lost in the hearts of some has been stirred up in a mighty way. Hebrews 12 speaks of a time where the earth and the heavens will be shaken so that what cannot be shaken will remain. What cannot be shaken are those who have a direct relationship with God. Everything man made can be crushed in a heartbeat. Even our bodies. But if we belong to Jesus, shedding our body will not be something that shakes us. We will embrace the day we shed mortality for immortality.

In Acts 2:25, David is quoted concerning God saying: ‘ I foresaw the LORD always before my face, For He is at my right hand, that I may not be shaken." If you are always seeing the Lord in your daily activities and you know how intimately He is involved in your life, you will NOT be shaken as we live out these days of "shaking" that are upon us. Certainly some of His children need to be shaken so they will be awakened. The weeding of the tares has begun. Examine yourself daily. The time is now. Today. Tomorrow is promised to no one.

Before the earthquake occurred, I was randomly, or not so randomly reading through people debating religions. This is nothing new. Read through the gospels and you will see that even people back then wanted to debate laws of religion with Jesus Himself. Trying to find a loop hole, trying to find an opt out, trying to find a contradiction. They were then and are now missing the point. We serve a LIVING GOD. We worship the Creator of the Universe who loves us and desperately wants us to seek Him. Not a set of rules, laws, or a dead person. We are to follow Christ. That means we are in a relationship with Him. Part of why He died for us was so that we could have this unique individual tangible relationship with Him. When people look at our lives they should say, "God is with you." They should see Him all over us and when they do, they should want what we have. If people don't see His radiance in us, then we are doing something wrong.

When tragedy strikes, it is a normal reaction to be shaken. What often follows shaken is confusion and anxiety. But, as followers of Christ, we are not a people called to be shaken not knowing what to do. We are a people who should be stirred. Stirred to pray and help. Stirred to help God's children whether they know they are God's children or not. We don't help out of obligation to follow a law, or for hope of reward, but rather because it is our honor and privilege to serve Him. We do it because there is nothing more exciting on earth than to serve Him here. We are all on this earth together and as long as I have breath, I want to help people out of tragedy. Often the first step is knowing there is hope. The Lord Jesus is our hope. Always.

Perhaps you knew very little about Haiti before today but your heart has been stirred to help. That is the Lord stirring you to act. As you know, I am a Compassion International Child Advocate. Compassion works in Haiti and there will be projects, staff and children affected in this area. We are awaiting more info but as you know, there is very little infrastructure there so for a time, we will know very little. I personally do not sponsor children in Haiti and quite frankly was unaware of what a poverty stricken country this is. However, I have seen what Compassion has done to transform the lives of the children I do sponsor in Africa and Colombia.

Let me tell you about my sponsored child, Wilfred in Togo. He has had several strokes this year. I knew about this when I sponsored him. It didn't scare me. When he came to Compassion, he was extremely malnourished and heartbroken. You see, his mother abandoned him at the age of 8 months. His grandmother breastfed him from then on. He lives with his father in a hut. His father is a porter. He carts around people's belongings in a large wagon all day. Shortly after I became Wilfred's sponsor, his sister was able to come to live with them. Shortly after that, he let me know that they started attending church as a family. When he wasn't sponsored yet, they did not go to church at their project. It wasn't until I started to love him from afar that he felt the tug of Jesus in his life. He wanted more. He says he wants to love people the way I do. He asks me to pray for his father to give his life to Jesus. He has given his life to Jesus in the time that I have sponsored him. Look at the difference in Wilfred in just six months....

This is Wilfred and his Father. I photo shopped them to Ruby Beach and sent them several copies since pictures are a luxury they don't have access to. Wilfred told me he is very crushed inside because his mother abandoned him. I shared with him some very intimate things about Samuel's life and the honor of being Samuel's mother here that related to him. It is my honor to be a part of Wilfred's life. Wilfred's left side is crippled. Over the last few months, he has had more medical crises but because of Compassion, he is able to get to a hospital and get medical care including a CT scan which showed left side brain damage. He told me that he witnessed four children die in the hospital room while he was there. Can you imagine? What would you say to that? I know God chose me to sponsor him because I did know what to say. I told him that Jesus rescued those children from their sick bodies and they never experienced death. They are forever free of poverty and disease. I told him I would pray for their parents to feel God's peace. And interestingly enough, in Togo, funerals are usually more like a party. Families save up for a year to afford them. Perhaps they understand something we miss in tragedy; the person moved on to a better place. Wilfred wants me to pray that Jesus restore his left side. He has suffered vertigo, paralysis of his fingers and yet look at the above picture. Would you ever know it? Is he not one of the most beautiful children you ever laid eyes on? I want you to know that his spirit is glorious. He is a joyful child so full of the love of Jesus. It just bursts off the pages of his letters. His native tongue is French but he draws me big red hearts and writes "Love" in them. He is an amazing artist and letter writer. But what touches my heart the deepest is that he calls me his mom. He blesses me so much and has carved out a big place in my heart. God is allowing me to be a part of this child's magnificent spiritual life while helping them lift themselves out of abject poverty.

There are many charities out there that need your help today in Haiti. Compassion is one of them. One which I believe in. They have a disaster relief fund specifically for tragedies such as this. But if your heart is stirred to do more than a one time donation, please consider sponsoring a child either in Haiti or in another country Compassion assists.

Let your people be stirred, Lord, so that the world will see You as You really are. Amen.

Delighted

The Lord blesses me every day with something new. I have learned to wake up looking for His treasures. There is always something cool that He does just for me. I say "me" because usually the treasures are for me personally and nobody else would even notice them. God is so very very intimate and personal . Yet, there are times when His treasure for my sake is enjoyed by all of my family. This weekend was one of those times.

Something everyone has enjoyed lately is occasionally eating out. Somehow this is still a novelty. Going back to the days of hospital trips, hospital food, drive-thrus on the way to some awful place, or take-out on the way home, we just never went in to a place to eat because we were always in a hurry. We still have to remind the kids how to behave in a restaurant because it is rather foreign still. Anyway, well before Thanksgiving, Mark and I decided to eat in at a little teriyaki place we have frequented a lot over the past ten years but mainly as take-out. Mark works at five different locations within a 50 mile radius from our house and says that this particular place has the best teriyaki. A Korean family owns and operates it and they speak English with a thick accent that can make them difficult to understand at times, especially on the phone. One of the daughters came to the table to take our order and when she spoke, I noticed two things immediately. One, she had no accent; if I had called, I would have thought she was Caucasian. And two, her voice sounded exactly like Samuel's GI. I asked Mark if he noticed. He noticed she had no accent but did not notice the vocal similarity.

Both of us loved Samuel's GI. She was a definite stand out for us because she actually cared about Samuel, had empathy for everything we endured, believed in what we were trying to do and defended our cause even among her own colleagues on several occasions. She was the only MD we had who I could trust in all things. It is unfortunate that a MD like this is such a rarity. Our experience with the medical "professionals" was that the more credentials they had, the less humanity they held on to; instead you got big egos, little compassion, and no common sense. Samuel's GI did not fall into this trap. I remind myself that when you go against the grain, as we did, not many people go with you. This lady did. We still talk about her. I e-mail her to say hello occasionally but obviously, our lives do not intersect anymore so I haven't seen her since summer of 2008. I remember the receptionist blocking out large slots of our appointments with her at her request just so we could visit so I will assume the admiration was mutual. Of all the people I might miss, I do miss seeing her. Different circles.

So, when this lady at the teriyaki place had the same voice, I just wanted to sit there and listen to her talk. Hearing her made me happy. Luckily, Mark is used to my insanity. He also understands the way I see people, recognize people and remember people is not the way you might. Since my vision sucks, I subconsciously find other ways of "seeing" people. I have excellent voice recognition. I also pay close attention to wording, tone of voice and mannerisms. I have occasionally had people tell me they had a hard time getting used to the fact that I never looked at them when we were talking. My answer was that I don't have to look at you to hear what you are saying. I don't make eye contact because unless you are in my personal space, I cannot. So, I don't bother. This has been mistaken for rudeness a time or two, you can probably understand why. I do. People with good vision mainly depend on what their eyes tell them and make judgements and assumptions based on that. Those judgements and assumptions are not always accurate.

On the 4th of July in 2008 my mom was here and Mark had his friend and friend's girlfriend over at the same time. I knew Mark's friend but had never met his girlfriend. After they left, my mom commented on the girl's expensive clothes and various other cosmetic items that I never noticed and quite frankly, the info was not necessary or helpful for me to determine if I might like her or want to re invite her to visit my house again. Instead, I listened intently to what she said, how she said it and watched to see if her body language matched. Somehow I memorize that for future use. I don't know what she wore other than jeans and a shirt. I don't know how much her shoes cost, or what kind of jewelry she wore. Her hair is long, wavy and nearly black. She wears it pulled off her face which has light skin tone. She is slender but not anorexic. I don't know what color her eyes are or how much make-up she wore. I don't care. I liked her. She was very personable and kind to my children. I like people who are easy to talk to and who enjoy laughing. She fit the bill. She and Mark's friend are married today and I enjoy when we all get together.

So, back to the restaurant again,, this lady, makes many trips to our table and I just enjoy hearing her voice. I also notice that she has a lot of the same mannerisms as Samuel's GI as well. I can tell that she is very kind in the way she interacts with people while we are there. I mostly cannot see her interact, I just hear her. We returned the next weekend and she was there again so I told Mark to be sure we sit on the side she is working on. He humors me of course and she is an excellent server. Very attentive. Everything we thank her for is "Her pleasure."

The night before Thanksgiving, we took all the kids in. We told them about this lady prior to going and after we arrived, we realized she wasn't working. The food was still great but I was a little disappointed she wasn't there and so were the kids. Mark jokingly told me that the next time we see her, that I should say, "What's your name? I like your voice. Can I have a hug?" We all laughed. I am sure she will totally understand..........

We went another time after that with the kids and she still wasn't there. I told Mark I wanted to find out her name so I could call next time to see if she was working (I'm sure no one will think I am a stalker at all) and then we noticed nobody working had name tags on. Two weekends ago, Mark and I went in for dinner and she was there again. She recognizes us now. Service continues to get better and better and it's a pretty busy place. Most of the time, she doesn't write down your order, she just remembers it and they always come exactly right. I asked Mark if there is any way I can ask her name that will not sound rude or like a stalker and he said there probably was not. So I asked him why I could not say, "What's your name? I like your voice. Can I have a hug?" After all, it was his idea. No? Apparently not. Okay. Our receipt doesn't have her name on it either. It just says Clerk #1. That's helpful.

So, we go in this last Saturday night with all the kids. As soon as we walk in the door, Mark says, "She's working." He knows that makes me happy. The place is really empty and she comes right over recognizing us immediately and makes mention that we brought our whole family this time. Kaysha noticed her voice sounded very American vs. Korean but no one hears Samuel's GI's voice in hers. Mark still doesn't. If I never said anything, he would have never noticed. This lady is really friendly now or maybe we are just good tippers? She scootches in the booth right next to Anna and Kaysha to take our order just like she is family. So I ask Mark again if he can think of any way to ask her name and the next thing I know I hear him say, "My wife would like to know your name." She didn't think this was strange at all and happily tells us her name is Sara then asks us what our names are.

Now this might seem blah blah blah to you, but there wasn't one person at the table who did not get the symbolism of the name Sara. "Sara" is the name of Samuel's beloved duck. Of all the names he could have chosen for his most special friend, he chose Sara. Hers was a name he never changed. Sara the duck went everywhere with Samuel when he was here and I promised him I would always take care of Sara before he left. She sleeps on my bed and we take her with us on special trips. As a result, the name Sara has become very special to us. When we hear Sara, we think Samuel. There will probably be a granddaughter one day named Sara.

I wasn't expecting her name to be Sara. I was expecting something Korean I guess. I had to bite my lip to keep from saying, "Oh my gosh!" I was reminded again how intimately God knows me and that Samuel is never far from me. Could His treasure be any plainer? Here is another Samuel practical joke Heaven style. I am sure he laughed as soon as we finally got her name. As if "Sara" was the punch line. Nobody missed it. We all noticed. As she walked away I said, "She's a Sara. Of all the names she could have...." It was funny and fun and all the kids thought she was super sweet. Exactly like a Sara should be.

We found out that Sara only works Saturday's because she teaches Special Ed for middle school during the week. Appears my read of her being a very kind person wasn't too far off the mark. Special Ed requires a very compassionate teacher to be certain. I say that from experience. When my brother and I first started to go to school, we were in Special Ed for the first couple years obviously because of of vision. My parents were not certain that we could thrive in a regular classroom. We soon proved that we could and from first grade up, I was in a normal class setting.

As we left, everyone waved good-bye to Sara and the girls made certain to yell, "Bye Sara," very loudly. Next time we go, Anna will probably run up and hug her because that is the kind of girl Anna is. Sara will be treated like a celebrity when we come in and she will probably never know quite why. Enjoy the simple pleasures and teach your kids to do the same.

I have noticed that there are times when God specifically puts people into my life who are simply there to make me smile, reminisce and remind me that He is all- knowing, all the time. When these people remind me of a loved one who is no longer part of my life here it's like God saying, "I know you miss them being a part of your life but here is another of my precious children whom I think you will be delighted."

Trust me, I was delighted. We all were.